Am I Wrong?

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 18

Am I wrong to wish that my mom would pass away soon? She is so tired and has given in to this monster, and it breaks my heart to watch this and see how defeated she is. The Hospice doctor is coming on monday and wants to speak with me. She has been on the waiting list for a bed at hospice for about a month now. I sometimes feel guilty about wishing it was over and she was at rest with my dad. She's been a widow for almost 12 years, and I know she misses him dearly. He died suddenly from an anyerism in his brain. It was never detected.
Mom has to use a wheelchair now to get around, her legs don't support her well, and she's scared of falling. The doctor offered to drain her lung, but with a DNR in place, she's afraid her lung will collapse and she will die at the hospital. She hates hospitals! I understand her concern.

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 297

I'm sorry to hear how your mom is doing. No, it is not wrong to feel the way you do. That is natural so please don't beat yourself up over it. When we love someone dearly and we know the inevitable, it is hard to watch the progression. You love your mom and don't want to see her suffer. I know how you feel. I was my mom's caregiver until she passed January last year. I was so upset to lose her but knew she was in a better place and in no more pain.

My prayers for you and your mom for peace and strength.

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 18

Just a quick update. My mom was admitted to hospice today. The doctor figures she's near the end. It's been so hard, but I am trying my best to keep it together around her. When i'm alone, that's a different story. I want to thank everyone here for your thoughts and prayers, it has helped me in so many ways. I will be surprised if she is here still for Labor Day.

Thanks again for giving me the opportunity to share my journey with you.

Christine Sad

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 297

Hey Christine. You will find Hospice to be a blessing. You can avail yourself of their services too; they have kind and compassionate people who help the family too.

Do what I did with my mom when Hospice came on board with her. I used the time to reflect back and go down memory lane with her. We both enjoyed that. Tell her everyday that you love her. And listen, I know you are trying to keep a stiff upper lip around her. No, you don't want to break down in front of her, but don't be afraid to let her see how you feel. It is ok to cry, it shows her you love her. I cried in front of my mom once and told her I loved her and was sorry to see her having such a hard time. Later, way out of her sight, I bawled my eyes out.

I'm sorry, hon. I will say this....as hard as it was for me, I considered it a priviledge to be able to escort my mom in her final journey. It was a mixed blessing. But, oh so hard.

thinkpink · Experienced user Joined: 12 May 2009 Posts: 79

I will continue to lift you and your mom up in prayer. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it's so very difficult....

God Bless,

tp
_________________
74 yo mother - 29 year breast cancer survivor, radical mastectomy with no radiation and no chemo and no recurrence.

Presented to the ER on April 14, 2009 with pleural effusion and pericardial effusion. Diagnosed on April 17th with stage IV adenocarcinoma NSCLC with mets to the lumbar spine. Began chemotherapy on May 1st- Carboplatin and Alimta plus Zometa for bone mets.

To read a summary of our journey: http://cancerforums.net/about12486.html

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 18

Just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and unconditional support. Unfortunately, my mom passed October 6, 2009. I have just started regaining the strength to talk about it, as it was a long and hard journey. A word of advice for caregivers......cherish every moment you have and never regret anything you've done. I know my mom is now with my dad in a better place, and that gives me some comfort. Now I have to focus on my own life and make the best of what is to come.

Thank you all so much!

dano · Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:34 am Post subject: Re: Am I Wrong?

Christine, Thanks for coming in and sharing, you were close on your date of around labor day for your mothers passing. To tell you then truth I was afraid by giving that date mike jinx it and she would have survived tell after Christmas. But for both of your sakes I'm glad she didn't, a compassionate person loves deeply and wants the best, and the best is not living in pain with no hope in this world. I know God is totally compassionate and loving, and I wish I could see things the way he see's them, with understanding, but on this side of the glass that we can only see through darkly we can only know that he loves us. And maybe looking back we can see a glimpse of the pain that was laid on Christ's heart as he bared the sins of the world as the Father looked away. But now it is no more pain, she has passed on to glory and she knows now it was but a small thing to experience to be where she is in the presence of the Holy one. This is my eventual hope, but until I am summoned to the eternal I do believe there is a cause and a reason for my being here. Being able to help people have hope, and hope in bigger things than or selves, to be shinning lights for others. Or just be a good reflector because our light does not come from our selves or any goodness but a reflection of the light we look to. Some how, and I don't know how, what your mom when through is supposed to give you strength and to me that's hard to see not knowing all about your mom and all. But if you look for it, I think there is a message of strength there. So I wonder how it will go for me, there sure are a lot of thing I would like to see yet, I don't only want to see my grand kids born but I want to coach them in baseball and basketball whicht I so loved doing for my boys, and I would like to see my boys become Parents.......they are 26 and 23 and right now yet still not even dating, but it will happen in the right time. But having cancer is never a perfect world and stuff happens but still one has hopes.
God Bless
Dan
_________________
55 year old male, Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV with Mets to the lymph's and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08 treatments now every 4 weeks with Alimta, stopped taking Lovenox for blood clots, Now working full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 18

Thank you Dan. I really appreciate your kindness and wish you all the best life has to offer. Enjoy each day!

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2853

Christine,

I'm sorry to hear this news and offer you my sincere condolences.

God bless you as you go through the grieving process. Knowing she is with your Dad now is such a comfort. Take the time you need and treat yourself well. Regardless of the love we have in our hearts as we take care of our own, this ultimately takes a far greater toll on some of us then we realize during the journey.

Many hugs and thank you for letting us know.

God's peace,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

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