Am I Wrong?

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 15

Am I wrong to wish that my mom would pass away soon? She is so tired and has given in to this monster, and it breaks my heart to watch this and see how defeated she is. The Hospice doctor is coming on monday and wants to speak with me. She has been on the waiting list for a bed at hospice for about a month now. I sometimes feel guilty about wishing it was over and she was at rest with my dad. She's been a widow for almost 12 years, and I know she misses him dearly. He died suddenly from an anyerism in his brain. It was never detected.
Mom has to use a wheelchair now to get around, her legs don't support her well, and she's scared of falling. The doctor offered to drain her lung, but with a DNR in place, she's afraid her lung will collapse and she will die at the hospital. She hates hospitals! I understand her concern.

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 279

I'm sorry to hear how your mom is doing. No, it is not wrong to feel the way you do. That is natural so please don't beat yourself up over it. When we love someone dearly and we know the inevitable, it is hard to watch the progression. You love your mom and don't want to see her suffer. I know how you feel. I was my mom's caregiver until she passed January last year. I was so upset to lose her but knew she was in a better place and in no more pain.

My prayers for you and your mom for peace and strength.

DaisysGus · Regular Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 15

Just a quick update. My mom was admitted to hospice today. The doctor figures she's near the end. It's been so hard, but I am trying my best to keep it together around her. When i'm alone, that's a different story. I want to thank everyone here for your thoughts and prayers, it has helped me in so many ways. I will be surprised if she is here still for Labor Day.

Thanks again for giving me the opportunity to share my journey with you.

Christine Sad

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 279

Hey Christine. You will find Hospice to be a blessing. You can avail yourself of their services too; they have kind and compassionate people who help the family too.

Do what I did with my mom when Hospice came on board with her. I used the time to reflect back and go down memory lane with her. We both enjoyed that. Tell her everyday that you love her. And listen, I know you are trying to keep a stiff upper lip around her. No, you don't want to break down in front of her, but don't be afraid to let her see how you feel. It is ok to cry, it shows her you love her. I cried in front of my mom once and told her I loved her and was sorry to see her having such a hard time. Later, way out of her sight, I bawled my eyes out.

I'm sorry, hon. I will say this....as hard as it was for me, I considered it a priviledge to be able to escort my mom in her final journey. It was a mixed blessing. But, oh so hard.

thinkpink · Experienced user Joined: 12 May 2009 Posts: 61

I will continue to lift you and your mom up in prayer. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it's so very difficult....

God Bless,

tp
_________________
73 yo mother - 29 year breast cancer survivor, radical mastectomy with no radiation and no chemo and no recurrence.

Presented to the ER on April 14, 2009 with pleural effusion and pericardial effusion. Diagnosed on April 17th with stage IV adenocarcinoma NSCLC with mets to the lumbar spine. Began chemotherapy on May 1st- Carboplatin and Alimta plus Zometa for bone mets.

To read a summary of our journey: http://cancerforums.net/about12486.html

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