Soon to be father in law with stage 4

islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

Hello All,
Two days ago we found out that my fiancee's father, 52, has stage 4 pancreatic cancer which is also in his stomach and perhaps his lungs(he will find out more today). We are devastated as we know it does not look good. What I do know is that it is past the point of curing, so we are just looking at a matter of time now. He is at the hospital right now having his stomach drained of fluid and an upper chest CT scan to determin where else the cancer is. We have our wedding planned for Nov 14. Can anyone tell me if you think he's going to make it? Should we move the wedding closer? Also, as of right now, he is in pain (mostly from the pressure) but is still living a somewhat normal life. ie. still coming over to our house, going for coffee, out to eat every now and then. and I'm wondering if this is how it will remain, or if he will get really sick? Am I going to have to use hospice? GOD, I am at a loss for words right now, he is our only family in florida, and my fiancees best friend. Please, anyone with experience, let me know what to expect.
thanks all

bs3ac · Regular Joined: 27 Aug 2009 Posts: 11

Hi islandange

Im very sorry to hear about your father-in-laws diagnosis.

Pancreatic cancer is a horrible disease because symptoms are not noticed untill its usally to late. I have a close relative who also has the disease and unfourtantly she is on her last days now, but has lived with it for over a year.

The only person who can tell you if its terminal or how long is remaining is your oncologist, as they should be able to tell how progressed it is from the scans and results. Chemopheraphy will also play a role if he choses to go on it and can slow the progression.

Your wedding is only 2 months away and as you mentioned he seems active and well at the moment. Please do speak to your oncologist as he will be the best person to give you a clearer picture.

I have noticed with my relative that she did decline quite quickly and did lose alot of weight in a short period of time. She also sleeps more and more towards her last days. Its the amount of energy that you have to watch because in the last 1-2 months of my relatives life she wanted to do less and less and mainly stayed inside because she was weak. This may be diffrent for others though.

I want you to remember somthing though which has put my mind at rest when i found out my relatives case was terminal. Remember everyone will die one day, it may be sooner, it may be later but you oneday will be together again. Dieing is part of life, its somthing that will happen to every living thing on this planet. It will be normal to miss them and to mourn them but you will never forget them. I will look forward to the day that i meet my relative again because that day will be definite.

Best of luck to your father-in-law he will be in my prayers and good luck with the wedding. I hope you have many many years of happy married life ahead of you.

Bs3ac.

islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

Hello,
I was wondering why only one person has responded to my post. My father in law had 5.5 litres of fluid drained out of his stomach and goes back to oncologist tomorrow. is that alot, is that really bad? about how much time does he have left?
PLEASE, Someone help.

brainman

islandange, I am so sorry about your father-in-laws pancreatic cancer. I did not reply because bs3ac did such a good job. I agree with him that the only one who can give you an answer is your FIL's own medical team. However, based on the little knowledge I have about this cancer and with very little specific information about his cancer and general health, my guess is that I only has a few years at best. Most people with Stage IV that I have heard about die in less than 2 years.

However, as I often tell people, a prognosis is just a statistical number. I like to know my prognosis but only in order to set some realistic goals for the things that I would like to do with whatever time I have left. Then I try to live one day at a time working to achieve those goals.

You and your FIL are in my thoughts and prayers.
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islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

thank you for you reply. Today my FIL has another appointment with the oncologist and they will discuss treatment options. They wanted to test the fulid that was drained from his stomach for some reason before they gave him an "estimated time he has left on this earth" and before they discussed in detail what treatment would be offered. The doctor previously said that he would be offered chemo simply for "quality of life" thinking it may reduce the accumulation of fluid in his stomach, thereofore making him more comfortable. I am worried about this though because when my grandmother was on chemo (she lost a 5 year battle with breast cancer) she was very ill and we wished she had just enjoyed her time with us. So i'm not sure the best answer for him. It is important for both him and us that he participate in the wedding as this is the one big event in our lives he will be able to participate in.
Prior to this diagnosis, he was in fairly good health. He was a smoker until January 1 of this year but has done really good quitting. He has however dealt with "stomach problems" for 15 years. Doctors basically told him it was IBS, so when he started getting more severe symptoms, he basically shrugged it off thinking it was connected to that. He was diagnosed with diabetes about 3 months ago, but now they're actually thinking that was the cancer impeading on the pancreas. Anyways, now he is in a signifigant ammount of pain and is already really bloated again, he almost looks pregnant , and they just removed 5.5 litres on thursday. He is taking pain meds and is still getting around. Sunday he came over and we had crab, steak, and shrimp and he looked like he was in heaven, although he had to take little breaks here and there. His appetite has been very small.
Well, Im sure i babbled but i guess this is the right place to babble.
Please respond with some experience, strength, and hope.

islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

My FIL starts his first round of chemo tomorrow. The doctor says it should help with the pain and the fluid build up. His stomach is already very bloated again and they just drained it a week and a half ago. He has a very sensitive stomach as it is (even before all this started) So he is very worried how sick the chemo will make him! Can someone tell me what to expect here? He lives alone, should someone be there with him? They have him on 7 weeks straight to start, is that normal? he also said that if hes vomitting and nauseaus that he will call off the chemo. What are the chances that he won't get those symptoms?
Please reply with your experience

LittleMe · Regular Joined: 28 Sep 2009 Posts: 21

Hi

I have just found this site yesterday so am new here, too.

My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Apr this year and has had 4 cycles of GEMCAP chemotherapy. She has coped quite well with not too much sickness. The chemo reduced the pain she had in her upper abdomen and to everyone around her, she seems physically much better than she did at the start of the year when she was barely eating. We do not know the exact details of what she has, or the stages as she didn't want to know. She is due to have a scan in a couple of weeks.

My dad had 2 courses of 6 months chemotherapy over 2 years. He had good and bad days during that time. His was for different cancers, though.

Good luck with everything, I hope you have a wonderful wedding day with all your family.

Adagio7780

Islandange, Zofran is a very good nausea drug, usually given with Gemzar (my experience). I also have a bottle of ODT (oral disolving tablets) of Zofran but haven't needed them. Just my opinion but I think your FIL will be much happier living with a caregiver. Don't know about the 7-week regimen, as every case is different. I hope your FIL responds well to treatment.
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MelissaV

Hi Islandange:

First I'd like to say congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience for your FIL to look forward too. Best wishes to you and your family. I imagine you are quite a wreck with all the stress of the wedding, and the health of your father-in-law.

My Mom, age 70, was diagnosed with Stage IV PC, in July. It was quite a shock to our family too. Surgery is not an option for her, and she began her chemo. treatments about a month and a half ago. She is taking Gemzar three weeks on/one week off as long as it is effective. She says that after about 48 hours she suffers "flu like" symptoms. Low grade fever, and minimal nausea. She is tolerating it quite well, and her oncologist suggested she take Tylenol just before that 48 hour time comes. I wouldn't suggest that your FIL take anything without consulting his oncologist though as everyone with this horrible disease may not be able to take the same medications. She has not had any fluid in her stomach. She is having a permanent stent placed in her bile duct next week. Mom does now tire easily, but is also still getting around quite well still. She is very stubborn about her independence too. She doesn't eat much either, and is already a small woman. She drinks half frozen Ensure, chocolate, which she says tastes like a milkshake, and has lots of calories and nutrients.

The only hospice experience I've had was with my Dad who passed away three years ago from lung cancer. When all of his options, and clinical trial came to an end, and his cancer had spread to his brain it was his oncologist that suggested hospice. I don't know what we would have done with out those caring nurses who not only checked in on Dad daily, but counseled, and consoled the family. There wasn't a question they couldn't answer. We were also fortunate enough to be able to have 24 hour in home care for the last two months of his life. These gentlemen cared for Dad like he was their father. Your family will know when and if this is a good option for you too.

My thoughts are with you, MelissaV
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islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

Well, my FIL started chemo yesterday. My fiance went with him and feels like he got alot of info from the chemo nurse. He was very glad he went, it releived alot of the fear he had. It took 6.5 hours(blood work, paperwork,) ,because he is doing it at the hospital rather than the oncologist due to the lack of insurance.
They gave him the anti-nausea intravenusly and then i found out that it is gemzar he is being given. 1000. dont quite know what that number refers to, maybe cc's. i am getting little pieces of info from him on a day to day basis as he really doesnt care about the little details. he just feels he has a team he trusts, and goes with it.
Next wednesday, however, they have him down for 1860 (cc's) hopefully he handles yesterdays does okay before they up it.
Last night he was feeling pretty good, but i've heard that you dont really get any treatment effects for about 48 hours, so we will be checking in on him regularly, as he did not want to come home with us, he felt he was fine to go home.
I do have another question, he is lactose intolerante and ENSURE and drinks of such nature are made with milk products, does anyone know of something of that sort i could reccommend to him as he is not eating much as of a couple weeks ago.
He is taking oxycontin and percocet for the pain and it seems to be helping but certainly not eliminating the pain.
sorry for making this so long!
p.s. yes I am freaking out a little with the wedding fast approaching, all the final details are starting to come together, and then worrying about him and if he's going to make it. But I'm trying to keep it together for my Fiancee's sake!

islandange · New User Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 6

well i know it's been a while since i updated but things have been a little crazy around here. 35 days until the wedding, and my FIL's health is declining quickly. he had his first set of Gemzar last wednesday, thursday he was fine then he was just exhausted. He didn't leave the house, he has stopped driving all together, and just sleeps all day. He hasn't been able to eat much so he is essentially withering away. He is still at home by himself, as he wishes, but we check in on him regularly. Yesterday, he went in for his second treatment, and when he got there, the nurses called his oncologist because of how blown up his stomach was, and they decided to drain his stomach again. His leg also was swollen. They got 8 liters of fluid this time. The doctor was shocked. So, last night he was feeling pretty good (relatively speaking) and came over here. I haven't seen him since Monday, 2 days, and he looked completely emaciated. I guess that is why the doc didnt want to continue draining his stomach, it drains everything including any nutrients he was able to put in his body with the little eating he has done. God, I broke down at the dinner table as he was discussing the fact that he has given us his blessing, and that he loves us, but he's unsure of what his condition will be Nov 14th, the wedding day, and doesn't know if he's going to make it, but that if he doesn't, he will be there in spirit. This is horrible. I feel so bad for my fiancee. He's trying to stay strong for his dad, but I know when he lays his head down at night he cries.
Again, I babbled, sorry.
Oh, one other thing. His oncologist suggested he take Tarveca as well. I guess an oral chemo? Does anyone know anything about taking the 2 together? He is supposto start that Friday?

Adagio7780

islandange, you aren't babbling, talk all you want. We are pulling for you FIL and hope he can attend your wedding. My sister-in-law's wedding was held in the hospital room of her dying father back in 1971. Keep us posted, and good luck with the new combination of drugs.
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