A little help for someone in the dark please?

Rain · New User Joined: 13 Oct 2009 Posts: 1

Hello!
I'm new to the forum and have questions that I can't seem to find an answer for.

My Dad in-law (57) has rectal cancer. It was discovered after a blood work up that showed he lost 5 liters of blood. He was rushed to the hospital for a transfusion.

He has since been released and completed Chemo/radi therapy. I believe it was 6 sessions and than an additional 6 sessions after the 2nd Pet scan.

Apparently a biopsy was done and no cancer cells were found. He says he is cancer free and than in another breath says that he is not having the colostomy surgery because the cancer will come back anyways?

He is stubborn to put it nicely and doesn't share what is going on with his treatment.

What can we do to find out what is going on? Hippa in FL prevents us from getting to speak with his Doctor.

I'm scared he is just waiting to die and keeping us in the dark. He is very weak, falling down multiple times and refusing to use a walker. He eats one meal a day and picks at it like a bird no matter how much we push for him to eat smaller meals through out the day.

My in-laws don't want to upset him by pushing him to let us in but, I can't sit back and do nothing. Can anyone give me some advise please?
_________________
"Life is not measured by
the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments
that take our breath away."

wytyspy · Experienced user Joined: 13 Nov 2006 Posts: 57

Does anyone accompany your father-in-law to his appointments? If he agrees for the doctor to discuss his health with you, you can talk to the doctor and the doctor can talk to you. Perhaps you can persuade him to let you accompany him on the basis of his diet or lack there of and get in the door with him to see his doctor.

Good luck and I will be praying for you and him.

Lucinda

bzybzybzy · New User Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 7

I would ask if you can be added to the HIPPA form, but if he is stubborn like my dad, he will most likely say no. I've had some luck speaking with my dad's regular doctor (not the oncologist though). My dad has been going to him for over 20 years, and he was my husbands doctor while we lived in the same town - so he knows who I am. We speak in "hypothetical" situations only. I usually ask the doctor - if this was someone in your family, what would be the next step, what would you expect next - etc. It has given us some information to work with.

Good luck to you.
_________________
Mom died of AML after an 18 month battle including chemo, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant at the age of 48.
Dad diagnosed with prostate cancer, lung cancer, melanoma, and possibly brain cancer (could be mets) between the ages of 70 and 75.

DulcimerGal

Sounds like they have done the work needed to shrink the tumor - he may be scared to have the surgery due to the colostomy issue. It can be very scary to consider that option for some people, I know it was for me. This would be a shame if he needs it - much much better chance of it not returning if they can resection his colon and get the cancer cells really gone. Plus it is quite likely that the colostomy would only be for a short time while healing - then a reversal is done.

Of course - you don't know the stage - it could also be stage I or II in which case the chemo and radiation is often all that is needed.
Do you think he knows or would tell you the stage?

Is he an Internet user? It sounds like he might just be giving up. Is there anyway you can get him on this forum where he can read the stories of people who have dealt with these issues and who are leading full and productive lives?
If not - maybe you could tell him all about us and how great we are and read him our stories over the phone or on your i-phone or something!

Like my surgeon said - this is CURABLE! I will never forget those words of hope...........

Cheers
DulcimerGal
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th 2008
Colostomy Reversal August 20th 2008
Five rounds of Xeloda (chemo) to ZAP anything left!

DulcimerGal

PS - I forgot to tell you - my cancer was discovered the same way - the tumor hemmoraged and I ended up in the emergency room - also the walker/falling issue could be due to the chemo - many of the drugs cause neuropathy (numbness) in the hands and feet - it can be very bad in the feet. I know for me walking was excrutiating - it does get better once the chemo is stopped but can take quite a while.

I drank a ton of green odwalla juice to help my liver cleanse out the toxins

Cheers again
DulcimerGal
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th 2008
Colostomy Reversal August 20th 2008
Five rounds of Xeloda (chemo) to ZAP anything left!

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