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heatherr0se
Regular
Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Posts: 16
Location: Missouri
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 Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:54 am Post subject: I think the end is nearing |
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I have wrote about my mom on here a few times. She is 58, its been 2-3 that we found out she has breast cancer. It is not in her liver, bones, lungs, membrane around her brain. At least thats what we know, they have not done another MRI lately. As of 3 days ago she was going through radiation & chemo again. The doctors decided to stop all of that. Today will be the 3rd day since she has ate. (They are "feeding" her through an IV.) Today or tomorrow they will be moving her into a place called "hospice house". Four days ago when they emptied her catheter bag her urine was dark dark brown.Yesterday she has lost control of her bowl movements, and she is constantly vomiting some yellow fluids. The day the doctors told her that they will not be giving her radiation or chemo anymore, she decided to stop taking all of her meds, besides sleeping meds & pain meds. She will not allow anyone to talk to her or see her besides my father. And what little she does have with my dad is not that much. She will not even speak with her mother. I just do not know if in fact she is dying, or just depressed. I guess no one really knows.
I have had a bad drinking problem & I stopped for her, but man it does sound good. I do not want to be selfish, I want nothing more in the world then for my mom to be out of pain. But I am soooo pissed at her, because I feel like she has lost ALL willpower to live. |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 2854
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:00 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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Honey --- don't be angry with your Mom. If she is nearing the end, letting go of loved ones is a natural part of the process. It's not easy on those of us surrounding them, but it's what happens in order for them pass.
It happens all the time, no matter how much fight they have.
Please take it easy, and be gentle on her and yourself.
Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.
Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 |
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heatherr0se
Regular
Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Posts: 16
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:15 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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I am selfish. It has always been her & me. We have always been together. Told each other things we would never tell another soul. When she introduced me to someone it was always "this is my bestfriend & daughter Heatherose. Up til she stopped eating I was the only one she would let feed her. And it just messes me up so much mentally that I was the first person she had my dad tell that she did not want to come see her or call her. I feel like shes already left me. All I want to do is be there for her so much and hold her & kiss her & And cry with her. But now all I can do is cry alone. These past few days have just made me feel like she does not love me, when I know she does. But to completely close me out, I just do not get.
Thank you PBJ, you always write back to me no matter what I am writing about. You have helped me alot over the past feew months. |
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heatherr0se
Regular
Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Posts: 16
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:00 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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| I just received a call from my grandma,they are taking my mom off of her feeding tube, or whatever they have her on now, yesterday they were feeding through an IV. My grandma said that today she is going to start working on my moms obituary so that my father does not have to worry about it. |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 2854
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:03 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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I'm sorry to hear this latest news. You are NOT selfish -- it's how we all feel losing one we love so much.
One of my best friends banned almost everyone from the family from her bedside in the last week of her life. I'm not sure what exactly happens to them mentally, but this isn't uncommon.
If she is beginning to slip away, maybe you can go now to sit with her. We had my entire family in and out of the room the day my husband passed as he had slipped into unconsciousness. I'm SURE he knew each of us were there holding his hand and talking to him.
Call your Dad and see if you can go. I don't remember if you are local to where she is or not.
Many hugs of understanding --- my Mom was my best friend too and I lost her at 27 to cancer. As hard as that was, it prepared me in a way I could never know, for the loss to come of my husband.
God bless,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.
Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 |
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melkissa
Senior User
Joined: 01 Jun 2009
Posts: 102
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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| Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:12 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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I agree with pbj11 (as usual). Huge hugs. The end is always so very difficult.  Keeping you in my thoughts!
_________________
My dad was diag w/nsclc stage 4 & mets to spine & hips on 11/08 at age 43. Large mass on R lung & collapsed L lung. No surgery so chemo & rad 5d/wk. No results. 4/09 rushed to the hospital b/c breathing issues. Hooked up to o2 & treated for infection. Released when o2 levels were good w/help from Hospice at home. In Hospice as of 6/2/09. Passed 6/10/09. Missing you forever daddy. |
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star
Senior User
Joined: 02 Sep 2006
Posts: 308
Location: Ohio
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| Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:54 am Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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Heather,
Its so important that you go and sepnd time with your Mom, as if you do not you will regret it for rest of your life. Go and hold her hand and kiss her and tell her you love her so much... I was so happy that my wifes family where here for her in that last week of her life, her son and daughter and grandaughter... so very important to have family round.
We where only married for 11 months, and hardest thing was letting her go, but I know we will be togather again soon.. and I told her that... so go and talk to your Mom ...
God Bless You as you go through this very hard time..
Best Wishes Rob |
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bigskybob
New User
Joined: 28 Jun 2009
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:47 pm Post subject: i think the end is nearing |
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| [b]Hi Heather sorry to hear about your mom. I just lost my wife to cancer on Sept 23 2009. Its hard and i know its tough. But being there for her and praying is the best thing to do. Wathching my wife slip away the last few days in hospital was really tough. I just kept thinking about all the good times we did have over the years. I sat next to her bed and held her hand and talked to her and told her how much i loved her. It will be hard for a while but it will get better. I will be praying for you and your mom. Bob[/b] |
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heatherr0se
Regular
Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Posts: 16
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:40 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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Thank you everyone who replied. Sorry for your losses. I was not trying to be rude by not replying, but we had my mother in hospice house for a week and a half. Her pain & suffering ended on Sat. I still do not think it has hit me yet. I just lost not only my mother but also my best friend.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansascity/obituary.aspx?n=terry-rose-boyle-mcbee&pid=135054213
Terry Rose Boyle McBee, 58, KCMO, passed away October 24, 2009 at K.C. Hospice House after a long battle with cancer. She was born February 1, 1951 to George and Marilyn Boyle of KCMO. She was preceded in death by her grandparents and her infant son, Johnathon. She is survived by her parents and her husband of 41 years, Bruce McBee; two sons, Anthony and Christopher McBee; daughter Heather McBee Peterman and her husband Pete; six grandchildren; one great granddaughter; three brothers, and one sister. In lieu of flowers contributions are suggested to K.C. Hospice House who made her passing so peaceful. She will be forever loved and missed. Memorial services will be held October 29, at 10 a.m., at Community of Christ Church, 12600 Byars Road, Grandview, (Arr.: Park Lawn Funeral Home, 816- 523-1234) |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 2854
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:51 pm Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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(((Heather))))
I'm so sorry to read this news. My sincere condolences on the loss of your Mom. I know how hard this journey has been for you and pray that God will bless you with peace as you start a new journey.
Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.
Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 |
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melkissa
Senior User
Joined: 01 Jun 2009
Posts: 102
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:54 am Post subject: Re: I think the end is nearing |
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I am so sorry Heather. I am keeping you in my thoughts.
_________________
My dad was diag w/nsclc stage 4 & mets to spine & hips on 11/08 at age 43. Large mass on R lung & collapsed L lung. No surgery so chemo & rad 5d/wk. No results. 4/09 rushed to the hospital b/c breathing issues. Hooked up to o2 & treated for infection. Released when o2 levels were good w/help from Hospice at home. In Hospice as of 6/2/09. Passed 6/10/09. Missing you forever daddy. |
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