New here...My dad/best friend has Brain Cancer

PHELAND IS BEST · New User Joined: 21 Oct 2009 Posts: 1

Let me start with telling you that my father is one of the most loving, caring and stoic men I have ever met. He never complains of pain or misery...He just smiles and tells me he loves me more than anything. My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer 10 years ago. He refused treat after watching one of his best friends die after 6 months of pain. He saw a specialist for some time and it seemed like things were moving slow and he was going to make it. 4 yours ago my dad came to visit from Texas and he had a cold. My aunt (dad's older sister) begged him to go to the local hospital...and he did. They told us that he had a lump in his throat. At that point my dad didn't want to talk about it and I have no idea what happened. He did say he was going back to Texas and didn't want to have surgery and once again he refused treatment. That's where I started to fall apart. June 2008, He has surgery and the doctor's remove 130 of 143 tumors they found on the left side of his upper body including half of his tongue. He decided to follow up with chemo and radiation. July 2009, I spoke to my dad's oncologist and he told me that my dad has a mass in his brain that is more then 2/3 of his brain. He also said we all should be ready to say good-bye in the next 2 months. After that my dad called and told me he was moving to California to be with me and the rest of our family. It has been 2 1/2 months and this is the most horrible thing I have ever watched happen. I talked to the woman at hospice and she said that my dad's body is shutting down. He weighs 120 lbs. and has lost the vision in his left eye. My world is crumbling and I just needed to get this off my chest without hearing "Everyhting is going to be OK" I can't stand to hear that anymore. It's Not OK and that's alright too...My dad is going to die and I have the right to cry-I can't always be the strong one in the family, I'm human too.

Kathy6961

Hello there just wanted to say yes you have the right to feel how you are at the moment, you cry and cry, I am sure when you Dad does eventually leave you you know he loved you dearly and you were there for him right to the end. My dad is also very ill at the moment the doctors have been messing about for 8 weeks not knowing whats wrong and all the time he goes yellower and yerllower and gets sicker and sicker, he is just 69 and its heartbreaking, we love him dearly to, but finally a new hospital has said they are going to carry out a huge operation, he was due to have this morning but cancelled due to lack of intensive care beds............ grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......... so will be next week now.
Thinking of you and bless your father.

star · Senior User Joined: 02 Sep 2006 Posts: 231 Location: Ohio

HI So sorry to hear about your Dad and your situation, my wife was 48yrs old and the last weeks of her life was the hardest thing I have ever gone through as its a massive roller coaster of emotions, and to see some one you really really love slip away, nothing in this world prepares you for it.

Only thing I can suggest is what I did, was each day my wife was here I made her life as comftable as possible, then I told her at least 50 times a day .I LOVE YOU... then I prayed she would not be in pain, and then I hugged her as much as I could, Then I tried to make her smile as much as I could, ( as I have always done that in the 8 yrs I have known her)

She laughed often even with all that she endured, I was also pleased I took video and took photos of all the good times we had in past as tey are a comfort now, just wished I took loads more.

You are Human and you are hurting and your world has turned upside down, and you will cry and cry and then cry again, make sure you have support round you... I am from England and living in small town , and its been so hard and I go to counselling grief support group, just make sure you dont hold it all in.

Praying for You and your Dad .. God Bless

Best Wishes Rob

topazil · Senior User Joined: 26 Aug 2009 Posts: 108

You have every right to cry, to feel sad, to any and all feelings you are experiencing.

"It's going to be Okay" is one of those things people say when they don't know what to say but want to say something to try and help.

No, it is not going to be "Okay" but whatever time you have remaining with him can be "Okay" in any and every way you wish to make it, as Rob has said. My Tom, puts all his energy into making it "Okay" by doing as much with me as he can during whatever time we have left, be it six month, a year, two years, or beyond. Just snuggling in bed with me, making me laugh at silly observations of people in general, watching Grey's Anatomy with me and really getting into the characters, pushing on my stomach when I "break wind" and get embarassed to make it keep going and getting us both having the giggles over it and so on and so forth.

I would say find your own way to make it "Okay" with the time you have with your Father and bring whatever joy you can to him during this time (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
_________________
Total hysterectomy July 23 2008, mass felt in colon during surgery.
Colonoscopy Aug 2008
Colectomy Sep 2008
Stage IV Colon Cancer metastasized to lungs and liver. (T3,N2,M1,G2)
Started chemotherapy: 09/14/09
Latest chemotherapy session: 11/09/09 - Folfox 6 = Oxaliplatin, 5-FU, Leucovorine with
Avastine.
Started CEA Level when first diagnosed = 10
Highest CEA Level so far 409 on 9/21/09
Most recent CEA Level = 113 on 11/09/09

DulcimerGal

This is just so sad.

I watched my father die of a brain tumor in 1996. I will never forget how he slipped away from us each day as the disease took over. My sister and I did everything we could think of to fill his days with happy memories. He loved opera - so we brought in a tape player and played his favorites, he also loved looking at photos so even when it was all he could do to open his eyes - we would hold up albums and tell stories and say - Dad - we're looking at pictures today of that time when......and launch into memories - I think now it helped him to feel his life had value.

My Dad was on morphine in the last weeks, so we really had to hold up the conversations on our own at the end. We held his hand all the time. I have told my family if I end up going like this, I want music played and lots of hand holding too - and talk to me as if I am awake - even if it seems I'm not. And talk to me of when we will all be together again one day.

We are all thinking of you as you go through this very sad time losing your Dad. Thank goodness he is in Hospice, they will care for him and give him what he needs as he gets weaker.

Please check into the book titles mentioned in a lower thread. I found them helpful.

Please keep posting - we will all try and support you as you go through this. We may all say different things, perhaps one story or comment may help your spirit.

DulcimerGal
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th 2008
Colostomy Reversal August 20th 2008
Five rounds of Xeloda (chemo) to ZAP anything left!

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