kbosz
Regular
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:50 pm Post subject: Re: Advice for a son who wants to do the best that he can... |
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Hello All-
It's been some time since I've posted anything. I again wish to thank everyone for their kind wishes and suppport.
Around mid-October, my father recieved word of the effectiveness of his chemo, and unfortunately, the results were not encouraging. Tumor growth had continued, and he was presented with a few options for further treatment, none of which, in his particular case, sounded very promising. Ultimately, my father has decided to, in his words, "let events take their course".
The decision did not surprise me. I believe that he has made the "right" choice, for him (there being no wrong choice, of course). I believe that if I were in his shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing. I fully support his decision, and in the days and weeks since then, he has been a different person...much more upbeat and positive, now that he is not dealing with the effects of chemotherapy. Still...to hear those words, it was very difficult, even knowing the situation, the odds, and the options available. I guess that some times acceptance comes in stages, not all at once. I'm fortunate enough that my dad is still mobile and active, and we are able to enjoy many things together. He has spent a tremendous amount of time preparing....getting affairs in order both for himself, as well as making sure my mother is well taken care of.
For those that are new to this forum, particularly caregivers and loved ones, I've found a few things to be very helpful when my father's diagnosis has occasionally overwhelmed me. One is that the pain of impending loss might actually be a good thing. Yes, it hurt, it hurts a hell of a lot....but...if I didn't have such a wonderful relationship with my father, so many treasured memories, then it wouldn't hurt so much...but I wouldn't trade a single one of those memories, not even for a moment. In a strange way, I feel fortunate for the grief, as it is a sign of how important our relationship is. I know that not everyone is so lucky. So, in a way, the pain of grief helps remind me of how special my dad is, and how lucky I am to have had such a wonderful influence in my life. Sometimes this outlook helps a little bit.
As I wrote at the start of this thread, I have a very young son (20 months), who is my father's only grandson. Initially, the thought that my son would grow up without one of his grandfathers was very painful, both to me, and my dad. Since that time, however, my dad and my son have spent a lot of time together. My son has bonded with my dad, and there are certain things that he'll do, only with my dad. My dad also looks forward to the visits, as I know that it takes his mind off of things, and gives him a lot of joy.
I know that there are other families out there that are in similar situations, so I'd like to share one thing that we've done to address my young son and my father's illlness. Although my son had a number of stuffed animals, he didn't own a teddy bear. Every child should have a teddy bear, right? Well, I set out to make the situation right. I scheduled some time for my mom, dad, stepdaughter, and my son and I to go to a local Build-a-Bear Workshop. Once there, my dad helped my son pick out a bear, stuff it, put the various accessories on, etc. Each bear comes with a stuffed heart that is sewn inside, and I made sure that my dad took it over to be sewn. we took a few photos along the way, and the folks at the workshop were great. Now, my son has his own teddy bear to bring him pleasent dreams, and it was something that he and my dad were able to do together. I know my dad really got a kick out of it, and it will be something that my son can hold on to for a long time. It was a moment that I know I'll always cherish, and I just thought I might pass it along as an idea for others in similar ciircumstances. |
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