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Starting to live again...  What is this ? |
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| Gillette Moderator  Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 353 Location: Old Orchard Beach, Maine |
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| pbj11 Site Admin  Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2403 |
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| brainman Site Admin  Joined: 13 Oct 2005 Posts: 5617 Location: Tennessee |
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| Gillette Moderator Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 353 Location: Old Orchard Beach, Maine |
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I listened to Bens' CD he recorded, and heard his voice for the first time in almost 7 weeks now, and was able to enjoy the wonderful musician he was, and share it with others. I was reminded about the funny circumstances that some lyrics were inspired by, and share a chuckle or two with my friends. It felt good.
I am having a good day- and then bad- I am trying to take care of the things that trigger my almost hysterical weeping. I am struggling every day- and loosing my self in work. I have been doing 10-12 hour days (to get the work done) but also as an avoidance tool- to not deal with the hole in my life. I am glad I am strong - I can see why the elderly couples die within a short time of one another- it is NASTY! I am glad I am young- or I would give up too, it sucks, in plain english!!!!!!!!!!! I think I am doing well, and then get blind sided out of the blue. I think back to the first night when Ben had the seizure, and am gklad I did not know the depth of the greif- even though I though I did at the time- that I would suffer- I don't know if I could have enjoyed the time left , if I had known how miserable I would honstly be. I have been in and out of the doctors- blood pressure issues, and depression- all they want to do is load more meds onto me- and I do not think that that will help- any more than alcohol would- and I do not drink either. I just miss him with all my heart - and the peices it has been demolished into.