So scared and sad...

Lara · New User Joined: 15 Aug 2005 Posts: 3

Please bear with me. This is my first time ever posting. I have been reading this board for the better part of today and am finding everyone's comments encouraging (even though just being here is heartwrenchingly painful)... Just yesterday, my dad told me that they think he has "bronchial carcinoma" (I guess that is lung cancer). He is 60 and a non-smoker, fit and active. He has to go for a brochoscopy (is that right?) this week, but so far, two doctors feel they are just confirming the type of cancer he has. They seem to think (right now, based on an Xray and CAT scan) that the cancer is primary. I'm scared out of my mind! 10 years ago, I lost my mom to breast cancer (she was 48 and I was 21)... I honestly keep saying "why my family?" over and over again. It sounds so selfish. I wouldn't wish this sort of pain on anyone. I can't bear to think of the possibilities that my dad won't walk me down the aisle, meet his grandchildren...grow old... I'm an only child with relatives far away and I feel so alone. My dad is reserved with his emotions...and quite clinical right now (likely his way of coping). Myself, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I don't think I've ever gotten over the loss of my mom. It's just so unfair. We likely won't have results until next Monday and the wait is going to be so long and desperate! The prognosis/survival rates of all types of lung cancer seem so grim. Is there hope that I'll watch my dad grow old? Any words would be so welcome and if anyone can point me to some info sources or places for support (other than here, of course) I'd be so grateful.
Thx...L.

Anonymous · Guest

Lara....you have every right to feel sad, scared, alone...How terrible to have to suffer all these emotions and not have family close by to support you.
I wish I had a "magic remedy" ...I probably don't even have the right answers but I wanted to let you know that you don't have to feel alone. It helps me tremendously to just talk to others who UNDERSTAND the desperation and distress we are experiencing.
Waiting for answers is tormenting. Believe me...even the worst news will be somewhat of a relief because you will at least know what course to take. As scared as you are..your Dad is too and probably worrying more about YOU..try to be positive, supportive, and spend as much time as possible with him.
My Dad had half a lung removed 15 years ago because of cancer (and treatments are SO much more advanced since then)
My younger brother (47)was diagnosed with cancer of esophagus and liver a few months ago and doctors told them there was nothing they could do (for the liver) but would go ahead with chemo and radiation for esophagus to try to make him a little more comfortable. WELL...he has responded fantastically to the treatments and doctors are astonished that the tumor in liver is ALSO shrinking!! MIRACLES DO happen (our family jokes that it's because God got so sick and tired of us bugging him
constantly)
ALWAYS..always have hope. Ask his doctors, local hospitals, oncologists. American Cancer Society for referrals to places that can help you talk and deal with all this. And always feel free to talk here.
If I think of something else I'll let you know right away.
I know this is so hard for you and your Dad..I'll pray the next week goes quickly and for great news!

Lara · New User Joined: 15 Aug 2005 Posts: 3

Hello scallopedge, Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I think you are right...waiting may be the hardest part because it is filled with uncertainty. I am doing my best to remain hopeful and postive, but so far, I haven't been overly successful at it - my mind keeps going to the worst case scenario. We can all use some miracles in our lives. I hope that your family continues to experience them...that is a true blessing. Thank you again for your help. Smile

L

vzakharova · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:10 pm Post subject: Hang on there and try this

HI dear Lara, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I just got engaged to the man of my life. Already started planning a wedding. Couple of weeks later he was diagnosed with invasive bladder cancer. It was such a shock for me. We still don't know exact diagnos. He just had a CT Scan on Monday. We seeing 2 different doctors tomorrow. I am prepared for the worst. I am trying to cope but some times it's sooo hard. But I strongly belive in faith and overcoming your faith too, in good spirit and that miracles happen if you really trive. I do research day and night. I came across this site www. [xxxxx].net. It's a very long article about how cancer works in proccess and how naturally you can prevent, slow it down or hopefully get rid of it. The article is very long, I've edited and make it shorter so you can quick-reference it. If you are interested I can e-mail it to you. I've already ordered alot of stuff from it. I will do anything and everythig to save my love.

Lara · New User Joined: 15 Aug 2005 Posts: 3

Hello vzakharova,
Thank you for your message and for sharing your story. I keep thinking about how fast life changes. Just the day before...just last week...how I long to go back to those times when this whole cancer thing was an unknown! Congratulations on your engagement...that's so wonderful but I can't imagine the mixed emotions that you must bear. Thank you too for the article. I will print it off and add it to research and reading I'm going through. I am so glad I found these on-line groups. I haven't told any of my friends or extended family because I'm not ready to deal with their emotions. I am finding it helpful to hear from people who understand what I'm going through because they are too, and I find solace in the kind and encouraging words I've received here. I am not sure if you have found www.cancercare.org, but they have a good online support group there that you may find helpful too (I'm registered as Lara5). Waiting is the hardest part. My dad is in for his biopsy today and he should receive the results early next week. I will be thinking of you and your fiance as you go through these next few days waiting for a diagnosis...

Laurenx · New User Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 2

Lara,

It sounds as if you have just discribed me, I am feeling exactly the same, My dad was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer (fibrosarcoma) within both of his lungs and he is a non smoker, only last december I lost my nanna to lung cancer, and 2 years ago my dad suffered a heart attack and only last year he beat the same form of cancer within a cyst in his arm!
But i think I am feeling exactly the same as you right now, I feel totally selfish thinking "why us again, its so unfair" im 21, and im not married and I dont have kids yet but when I do I so want my dad to be around, I just feel so emotionally drained, I dont think I can cry anymore my body is numb from the pain, Im so afraid!

My thoughts are with you
Love Lauren xx

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