I just lost my mom suddenly to cancer and I need help..

rob1234 · New User Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 7

Hi,
I found this site online while looking for some support. It helped reading about others who have lost their moms before their time. My beautiful mother just passed away on Saturday at the hospital. She died of liver cancer and bile duct problems. She is only 61. It came on so sudden, she was here and got sick, went to the hospital, they performed surgery and now shes gone. She lasted 40 days after the surgery but never got better, just got worse and finally we watched her go to heavan in my arms at 5;15. Its so hard I cant cope, im her benefitiary and ive been dealing with all her arrangements since, im just a wreck. My dad left me when i was 2 and hes currently going thru chemo for a brain tumor but he lives across the country and i hardly see him. I have some step family and moms sister but none of us have been close but they have been helping me and have been by my side. I have a beautiful wife and her family and our first child due in March. So I do have some things to live for but i just want my mom. My only comfort is knowing that shes happy, with our other loved ones that have passed, working in a new garden, and looking down on us from heavan.

leo · Site Admin Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 1574

Dear Rob,

I am very sorry to hear about your mother. Try to stay with your family and think about the wonderful things ahead of you.

best regards,
Dr Leo F
_________________
Leonardo F - Webmaster Cancer Forums
Disclaimer: this information is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

proteagirl · New User Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 2

Hi Rob,

I too lost my mum to cancer. She was 57, she would have been 58 but she died six days before her birthday. She had gallbladder cancer, which obviously spread to her liver, stomach, pancreas basically everywhere. I think I kind of know how you feel. It has been nearly two years since she died, but recently I have been thinking a lot of how she died and when she did. I was one of her primary carers and we chose to look after Mum at home. It wasn't an easy job, but I figure she looked after me my whole life, so it was the least I can do. I don't really know what to say to ease your pain. I am still get counselling at times. If you ever need to talk please email me and I can give you my msn details.

Take Care

MarkS

Hi Rob,
I'm sorry about your mother. I lost my mom to cancer also. It's hard to say good-bye and I know you're hurting. That's normal and it's ok. Grieving is a process that we all have to work through it in our own way, but try not to shut your wife and the other people who love you out of your life while you do it.
It will get better. That's not to say there won't be a hole in your life because there will but, really, we wouldn't want it any other way. We don't want to forget them do we?
Take care Rob.
_________________
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

rob1234 · New User Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 7

Thank you for the responses. Its been 34 days since shes been gone. It hurts everyday, every other moment. Its cold here and there's too much snow so i cant see her burial plot. Its hard now because we have to go thru moms belonging and go thru probate. Its tough because everyday is a reminder of all that was left undone by my mom. She had alot going on and didnt finalize her assets which shouldnt be a problem but in essence becomes huge because you dont want all she worked for to be in ruins. You dont realize how many people lose their parents to cancer until it happens to you. She died just before the holidays which makes it worse. God bless all of you who had loss and talked about it, i love talking about my mom.

God bless,
Rob

KNASH · Regular Joined: 27 Dec 2005 Posts: 14

im sorry for your loss rob. my mother is 64. she has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. we have always been best friends. we did everything together. i just don't understand why. i am the youngest of 6. all my siblings have always been jealous of our relationship which caused alot of conflict with all of us. it is very hard now because i need support from them. i've always taking care of her financially and emotionally. i feel like the weight has just become unbearable. i feel like giving up but i cant because i need to fight with her. my children our devastated as well .they just want grandma just to get better. please pray for my mother and family, as i will for yours. prayers heal the wounds.

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

Hi, Rob

Firstly, my sympathies go out to you. I found this site and I was just amazed by the similarities of our situation. I, too, lost my mom recently, October 17, 2005, to cancer. She was 65. It all happened so fast like you described. She wasn't feeling well, went to the hospital, went through a whole lot of tests and was diagnosed with liver, gallbladder and pancreatic cancer. Her bile ducts were also affected which caused her to be jaundice. She passed away less than a month after being diagnosed.

I tell myself that she's in heaven and is painfree, but sometimes it's not enough. I miss her terribly. I'm no longer the same person. I used to be so happy and optimistic, but now I feel like cheated and I hate feeling this way. Some days, I'm ok, but other times, I'm not. Sometimes, it feels like her absence is only temporary and when I realize that it's for good, I fall into pieces. I know that this is the process of life and that one day, we'll all be together again. Like everyone else, I'm taking it one day at a time.

I pray the rosary daily now and I dedicate it to my mom. I ask God that he take good care of her and that helps me because I know she's in the hands of God and is well cared for.

People say it gets easier with time...I sure hope so. My prayers go out to you and everyone who have suffered a loss from cancer. I hope one day, we'll find a cure to this awful disease.

jessec29 · New User Joined: 22 Jan 2006 Posts: 3

Hi Rob, sorry for your loss. I am 28 years old. I too lost my Mom to cancer recently. My Mom died from breast cancer on December 18, 2005. We were close. I miss her sooo much. I had never lost anyone until now. Today I am really feeling alone, even though I have a wonderful wife. I feel like my Mom has just been forgotten. She had touched so many lives as a foster parent and family service worker at a homeless shelter yet I feel like I am the only one who misses her. I feel like its only been 4 1/2 weeks and no one is thinking of her because in my mind if they were they would call me. I know this might not be the case but I wish I had more support. That is what led me to this site. Thank you all for sharing. Thats all for now.

KNASH · Regular Joined: 27 Dec 2005 Posts: 14

THIS MORNING I LOST MY MOTHER AS WELL AS MY BEST FRIEND. SHE WAS DEVOTED GRANDMOTHER. MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 8 ADORED HER. THE LAST VISIT FROM THE HOSPITAL MOM HAD TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD BE STRONG TO SEE HER TURN NINE. HER BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY. THIS PAST TUESDAY I TOLD HER THAT KENZIE'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY(SUNDAY). WE HAD PLANNED IT EARLY DUE TO HER SUFFERING SO MUCH. I COULDNT LET HER CONTINUE. APART OF DID NOT WANT OT DO IT SO SOON BUT IT WAS SELFISH REASONS. I FEEL LIKE MY HEART HAS JUST BEEN RIPPED FROM MY BODY. WHEN WILL THIS FEELING GO AWAY. I FOUND OUT AS WELL THAT MOM HAS TOLD MY DAUGHTER THAT SHE WILL BE A BUTTERFLY WHEN SHE RETURNS. MY DAUGHTER IS ALREADY PLANNING A BUTTERFLY GARDEN.
I KNOW SHE IS IN HEAVEN. I CLOSED MY EYES TO CRY AND I VISUALIZED WHITE FLOWERS AND WREATHS HANGING. HAS ANYONE DONE THIS BEFORE????????? I KEEP TRYING TO CLOSE MY EYES AGAIN BUT I SEE NOTHING. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FAMILY FOR STRENGTH FOR US TO GET THROUGH THIS. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND. WE WERE JUST SHOPPING, HAIR , PLAYING GAMES WITH THE KIDS, AND COOKING TOGETHER JUST 4 MONTHS AGO. HOW DO YOU GO BACK TO YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE WITH A HUGE PIECE OF YOUR LIKE GONE?

jessec29 · New User Joined: 22 Jan 2006 Posts: 3

Knash, I will pray for you and your family. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you were very good to your Mom. You should be very proud of that. Take care of youself. --Jesse

rob1234 · New User Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 7

Thank you to all who replied to my post. Its been 3 months now that moms gone. She was my only real family. She raised me alone. I am recently married and our first son is due in March. I cry when I think about mom holding her first grandson, I so wanted that to happen. I can see her face smiling. At times I feel like I failed her but I did the best I could. I pray for all of you and keep your family close.

brainman

That is such a beautiful image! This is just a suggestion that worked for me when my daughter died: Think about how you can continue to celebrate your mother's life so that your son, through you, will see how wonderful a grandmother he had. Maybe your community has a ACS sponsoured event that you can make an annual "In Memory of Grandmother Day"? As the years pass, your son will learn so much about his grandmother! It is just one idea. You know what will work best for you and your family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Hannah · New User Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

Dear Rob,

I read your touching story- I am so sorry you have lost your mother- but really you must not think about it like that. You haven't lost her- for as long as you can tell her story and speak of the joy she brought into your world- she will live on. Your child will hear of all the memories you share and just because you cannot see her anymore doesn't mean she cannot see you.

I am sure she is in a more beautiful place now and without pain- she is an angel and will watch over you and your family, I hope that you will find comfort soon- and realize where she is- - she's got a great view.

Keep your face to the sun!

Oh and comgratulations on being a Daddy.

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