| What are good ways to be supportive for the cancer patient? |
| Show emotions, cry sometimes, show a lot of love? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Keep a "stiff lip", put on a brave face? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Be there as much as possible, even when they are in pain? |
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50% |
[ 1 ] |
| Avoid them during their painful points, so they "have/ can keep their dignity"? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Avoid the fact they have cancer, pretend it's not a big deal? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Talk about how they are feeling and what they are wanting to do? |
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50% |
[ 1 ] |
| Ride the roller coaster, some days avoid the topic, other days talk about it? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Take care of the "last wishes" up front, get it done and over with |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Wait until the cancer is nearing its ending and then deal with wills and such? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Forget about wills and such completely... don't think about dying at all? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 2 |
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speeding_ticket_info
New User
Joined: 15 Dec 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Tulsa, OK. USA
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 Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:05 am Post subject: Need some perspective from those who have terminal cancer. |
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I found out today that my dad has what appears to be terminal cancer. He was diagnosed with NHL, about two years ago. (darn near to the day) He had surgery and went through chemo and radiation treatments and it looked like everything was good. Now, it's doesn't. My parents found out that he has cancer in the bone marrow of his spine. I had no idea that spinal bones had all that much bone marrow. But, it sounds as if the cancer has quickly spread to a large portion of his bone mass.
The cancer, it seems, has him confined, for the most part, to a wheelchair. It was only about a month ago that he lost the ability, for the most part, to be able to walk more than a few steps. We thought it was a slipped disk or something. Just three moths ago, my parents helped me move into a new home, and I thought maybe I caused his slipped disk. I thought I might have got my dad really hurt. Now, I wish it was "just" a slipped disk that has him in a wheelchair, and temporarily there at that.
I'm still very hopeful that he can beat this cancer. And that he will be able to regain his ability to walk. The doctors don't sound like it... but that's why it's called a practice. They don't know, they just guess, like weathermen. They just guess about things more important than rainy or dry weather. He sounds very upbeat so far. I've started, today, posting here for a bit of support and info. I've encouraged my parents to look to online forums and to in person support groups too. (so if you two see this... I love you Mom and Pop!!) I live 6 hours away, but I plan to be there as much as I can.
Anyways... (long winded, aren't I) What I'm wondering and looking for... what's the most supportive things and actions I can take to help my father with this? I plan on being there as much as I can and talking when I can. Should the worst happen, and he does lose his fight, I will be there for my Mom as much as I can too. I'm not the type to shy away and I'm not getting too emotional about this. I'm ready, I think, to accept this and to be as strong as supportive as I can.
Cancer survivors... and those of you still in the fight... I figure you're in the best position to relate, to some degree at least, to what my dad is experiencing and will be experiencing. I don't know how painful cancer can get. I don't know what I can do to help be supportive if the pain gets to levels where it's not controllable. That's where I get really worried and scared. If it's that bad, then I also have my mother to think about and be supportive for.
Any ideas? Thoughts? Comments? What would you like? What brings you comfort? Hope? Peace?
PS: I'm not a faith kinda guy. If my dad wants prayers, I'll give them (he's not too big on it either as far as I know, but with cancer, who knows)
But, I myself won't be praying much. God is not my strength. I have all the love I need in my family. Why waste it on a God that doesn?t love in return?
_________________
Speeding tickets suck. Cancer kills. And I REALLY hate them both. |
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MarkS
Experienced user
Joined: 08 Jun 2005
Posts: 69
Location: NW Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:35 am Post subject: Re: Need some perspective from those who have terminal cancer. |
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Hi "Speedy",
Many of your poll options involve acting and pretending. My advice would be; don't act, don't pretend, be real. Leave the masks at home and go there as yourself. Your father wants you, not an actor playing a roll.
Oh, one other thing. You're so wrong about God. Whatever you're pissed at Him for - He didn't do it. God is good and He does love us. That includes you. He's waiting for you with open arms whenever you're ready.
_________________
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. |
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