cancer and depression

emilymay · Regular Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

I would like some input please.

my mother in law has a tumor by her ear. she had an operation and then 8 weeks of radiation. the doctors found another tumor near the other one, and now she is going through chemo, one 3 hour drip every 3 weeks for 3 sessions. she has lost a lot of weight.

she also has chronic depression. no one else in her family has ever addressed it but from all of the stories my husband and his sister have told me about some times growing up she has the signs of depression and I also have had a depressed grandmother so i know many signns.

my mother in law is home now and has been home since july of last year when this all started. we all cant get up to see her every day but we do our best so she is not home alone all day. she was getting out some but being winter its not easy.

there have been days where she just sits in the chair ALL day. i know the depression is keeping her down but does the chemo and everything really just wipe you out? i dont mean to sound ignorant but i have no idea what cancer patience experience and i dont want her sitting all day not helping herself because she is depressed and no one else will address it. she has no hobbies and dosnt care to use the computer, she is not into anything so she dosnt have anything to look forward to doing or to get her motivated. she is feeling sorry for herself and is very down. i can only imagine how difficult it is for her and i want to help her in any way i can.

thanks for any help.

MarkS · Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:57 am Post subject: Re: cancer and depression

Hi Emily,

Has anyone talked to her doctor about her depression? There are many, highly effective anti-depressent medications available.

Also, just having her over for a family dinner once a week could give her something to look forward to. Somebody could take her grocery shopping maybe - anything to break the monotony of sitting at home and give her a reason to get up and get dressed.
I'd suggest starting with simple things though. Things like going to a concert or dinner at a restaraunt might seem too over-whelming for her right now.

I think it's great that you want to do something for her.

Take care,
Mark
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emilymay · Regular Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

THanks for the reply Mark,

I havent talked to her doctor yet but I think I may call him this week. When she was going through radiation she did talk to a social worker and i think they did giver her an antidepressant because when she started on another pill she seemed alot better, I dont know if she is still on it.

I and the rest of the family do go over there and sit with her and spend time with her and bring her dinner or lunch and i go shopping for her and always offer to take her with me or if she wants to go. but my concern is the depression. if no one is there she just sits in the chair all day and dosnt help herself. how much does the chemo wipe you out? im afraid the depression is keeping her in this hole as well. she just sits all day and thinks about her ilness. I called her yesterday to say hi and i asked her how the numbess in her face was, the docs said that the chemo may help with that. she said it is still there and i just said "oh" . she sat for the next 2 hours going over my tone of voice over and over and kept leaving messages on my machine ( i had gone out) to call her and when i did she said i sounded surprised that she still had numbness. i said i just asked a question and didnt have any judgement about the numbess.

she just sits there and goes over and over her illness.

I am the only one who has more time to do for her, i am at home with my kids, but I know I can only do so much too.

Thanks
Emily

MarkS · Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 11:58 am Post subject: Re: cancer and depression

There can be a fine line sometimes between trying to help someone and taking resposibility for their well-being. Trying to help someone is a good thing - taking resposibility is not.
Depression is a terrible thing to suffer with. I've gone through several prolonged periods of it myself. Medication can help, other people can help, but at some point the person has to become willing to help themselves too.
It doesn't sound like your MIL is willing to do much to help herself at this point so there's not much you can do other than what you are doing.
I'm not saying give up on her - definitely not. I'm just saying not to burden yourself with the responsibility of making her better. That's not your responsibility.
I'd still suggest talking to her doctor. Medication may just provide the boost she needs to see light at the end of the tunnel and give her the spirit to fight.
_________________
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

emilymay · Regular Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

Mark

Your 100% right and i agree with you . i know its not my responsability. and she is the type that dosnt help herself and the rest of her family just enables her to stay in this spot because its easier .

I will call her doc this week.

I know that my efforts do nothing if she is not willing to take the reins. but i am also the type that must try everything before i say, "okay, its up to you now"

thanks
Emily

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