My story

RickyCrawfish · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 4:08 am Post subject: My story

Well, in the fall of 2004 my dad was complaining of a bad toothache. He went to the dentist and got a tooth removed. After a few days the pain was still there. He went back to the dentist. They gave him antibiodics to maybe heal a possible infection. That didnt work. So they gave him stronger antibiodics. THAT didnt help, and he was starting to slightly swell up on his jaw. So they called a specialist. After a few trips to him my father was diagnosed with cancer. We didnt get much details at first, other than the fact that it was rare. But our family doctor said things were looking okay. A few days later my dad went to the cancer center and the doctor told us that he had some sort of incurable adenocarcinoma, in the mandable. But it was spreading extremely fast. The swelling on his jaw grew more and more. And caused him more and more pain. We then found a doctor that could possibly cut the tumor out. - So the plan was to get his jaw bone removed on one side, and replace it with a small bone from his leg. And take some skin from his leg to replace the skin covering the tumor... My dad chose to do this because we didnt want to give up. He was just so healthy months before. He was only 42 and strong man. He was a construction worker all his life. A very fit and tone man. My mom and I thought there is no way in hell this cancer is going to bring my dad down.
The weeks leading up to the surgery, I noticed my dads physique to drastically change. His tone body started to thin out daily it seemed. He almost completly stopped eating. My mom and I tried to get him anything and everything. He just couldnt bring himself to eat anything... Well, he got the surgery and was really messed up from it for a while. It was really sad seeing my dad like that. He had staples all down his neck and a big white patch from the skin graft on his face. My once handsome dad didnt look anything like his former self. But I didnt let that get me to much, because the surgeon told my mom and I that he got all of the cancer removed. So we were all really excited and optimistic. My dad was in recovery for a few days. Then he stayed in the hospital, because he still couldnt eat. They gave him a feeding tube in his stomach and we thought that would really help him get some weight back, and so he could get vitamens and nutrients in him to help heal his body. To get it ready for the next stage of his treatments. The Radiation, and Chemo.
My Mom and I took turns taking my dad to his daily treatments for a few months. Then the tumor on his jaw grew back. And he started having troubles breathing, and moving... And then walking. The cancer spread to his legs and tailbone, and the nerves in them I think. At this point the cancer was in him from head to toe pretty much. From his brain to his legs. He was then put on hospice, and a couple weeks later his breathing became worse, and he started talking strange, saying weird things. - My dad was really close to his dad. The same way I was close to him. It was tearing me up to see my dad strugle for each breath. The morning of his last day, he was in a really sweet, small childlike state/mood. The doctors said it was due to the toxins in his body from the tumors. (he had tumors in his lungs as well) But he was happy acting. And he pointed out the back window and said to my mom.. "April... There is a preacher outback. Go get him" and my mom went along with it, and said okay. And went out the back door. She came back in a second later and before she could say anything dad said "Nevermind, he told me he was going to come back later" Then about an hour later he pointed back outside and told my cousin who was there, to get away from the back door. He said his dads outback. And he wanted him to come in. And he also said he seen angels.
Dad never had done this before. The hospice lady reccomended we take him to the hospital to see if they can put a trache in to help him breathe better. My mom and I were really affraid. We both new deep down that something was different that day. We took him in the hospital. The nurse was really mean to him, and rough. And I almost pushed her out the 4th floor window. And requested a new nurse. My dad didnt want to get a trache. But even at then my mom and I were hopeful for his future. Even though things looked bad... We loved him... We didnt want to give up on him. So we wanted him to have the trache. He wasnt in the right mind to make that discision himself. I know its selfish now... But we just loved him. We only wanted to have him around more... But anyways... His oxygen started to drop. The dr. told us that he didnt think he would make it through the night without a life support machine to help him breath. My dad heard that. And he told the doctor "No no I dont want that... I feel like its over anyways" That was one of the clearest things he said that day. It was amazing cause they put him on a heavy dose of morphine. So tons of family and friends start coming in the hospital room. It's packed with 30+ people. (luckily he had a big room in the hospital) And everyone who loved him was around him. I sat with him holding his hand the whole time that night. Feeling his hand just get colder and colder... My god that was awful. But I wanted to be there for him... When it came close to the end. I had everyone leave. I wanted one last moment alone with my dad. (My dad was out of it. They gave him a lot of pain medicine or something... He was completely out) But I was talking to him telling him thigns I felt he should hear... Wether he could hear me or not... I like to think he could. Because He winked at me twice while I was with him. Two times.. I felt like he was trying to tell me its okay... Because thats probably all he could do... I just kept telling him to let go. That I'd take care of mom... To go to his dad...Then about an hour later he took his last breath. He passed away on May 19, 2005. At 1:15 am. The same time, and hospital his dad passed away at...
God I miss him. It's been nearly 10 months. I still feel like he isnt dead. I have no idea why. I was so close to him. He was so great. Everyone loved him. He would always help people. He's the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back... But I have no one to talk to. I have a lot of cousins, aunts and ucnles... A great girlfriend. But I just dont feel comfortable aknowleding what happend to people, in person. It's like im in denial or something about the whole thing... I dont understand... And if no one reads this long mess of a post, that is FULL of gramatical, and spelling errors, it doesnt matter. I just had to vent. I havent told my story to anyone or anything. And Things have just been building up in me the past 10 months... I feel so bad for everyone else who has delt with a loss of a loved one, or who have, or is currently going through cancer, or the treatment. You all have my empathy.

basil · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 4:49 am Post subject: Re: My story

Hi Ricky

Just read your post and have an a lump in my throat, I can't say anything to comfort you. My mum has cancer and is probably in the last stages now, she is distant, tired all the time and still eats but only a little.

I am just at the beginning of the road because I know the grief will go on for the rest of my life. Thank goodness you had a lovely dad, you are so lucky for that, all you can take forward is what he has learnt you and the memories. Remember him often and with love and that I hope is comfort enough.

I am saying all this and realise when it happens it must be so terrible.

Your dad sounded so brave, take care, Susan

RickyCrawfish · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 1:59 pm Post subject: Re: My story

I'm sorry to hear that about your mom being in the last stages. It's so heartwrenching seeing them that way. And it hurts worse feeling like there is nothing you can do. Just being with them just doesnt feel like its enough. - at least it didnt for me. And when they go, or start getting really close to going... I felt sort of numb and denial about it. I didnt think it was going to happen ever. But it did.. And it sucked. You will go on for the rest of your life grieving your mom. But just like you told me remember what she taught you, and go on. And be happy when thinking of her.
And do you know what the lump in your throat is? I really hope it isnt anything... Thanks for the reply.

basil · Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:11 am Post subject: Re: My story

Hi Ricky

I only realise the difference between countries when we refer to things in a different way. In England we use the phrase "we have a lump in our throat" when we are upset. It's like having tears in your eye's.

I must say it made me smile your comment, I probably shouldn't have used that terminology on a cancer board.

Take care, Susan

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

Hi,

I am so sorry that your dad suffered so much before passing away. That must have been very hard for you and your family.

I, too, lost a loved one recently. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in September 2005 and she passed away October 2005. It happened so fast that some days, I can't accept her death.

Venting helps a lot though. I remember typing out what happened to my mom from the beginning to the end and it helped me in letting out my emotions. Losing a loved one, especially when you're very close to them, hurts a great deal. It's almost like someone ripped your heart out and you're left breathless, and confused.

Some days, I'm okay. I can remember her without breaking down and some days, I'm angry that God has taken her away. I know she's in a better place now, but I wish she was still alive with us, with my dad.

Keep venting out your feelings and it doesn't matter whether people read it or respond to it. As long as you feel better after letting your feelings out, that's all that matters.

Please take care of your mom and support her as much as possible. She will need you more now than ever. Take care and my prayers go out to you.

I wish one day, we'll find a cure to all the illnesses and diseases that are taking so much people from their loved ones. It's all too painful to deal with.

RickyCrawfish · Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:55 am Post subject: Re: My story

[quote="basil"]Hi Ricky

I only realise the difference between countries when we refer to things in a different way. In England we use the phrase "we have a lump in our throat" when we are upset. It's like having tears in your eye's.

I must say it made me smile your comment, I probably shouldn't have used that terminology on a cancer board.

Take care, Susan[/quote]

Haha, I was gonna say... Talk about bad luck. But I'm glad you dont actually have a 'lump in your throat' literally speaking.

RickyCrawfish · Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:02 am Post subject: Re: My story

[quote="missumom"]Hi,

I am so sorry that your dad suffered so much before passing away. That must have been very hard for you and your family.

I, too, lost a loved one recently. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in September 2005 and she passed away October 2005. It happened so fast that some days, I can't accept her death.

Venting helps a lot though. I remember typing out what happened to my mom from the beginning to the end and it helped me in letting out my emotions. Losing a loved one, especially when you're very close to them, hurts a great deal. It's almost like someone ripped your heart out and you're left breathless, and confused.

Some days, I'm okay. I can remember her without breaking down and some days, I'm angry that God has taken her away. I know she's in a better place now, but I wish she was still alive with us, with my dad.

Keep venting out your feelings and it doesn't matter whether people read it or respond to it. As long as you feel better after letting your feelings out, that's all that matters.

Please take care of your mom and support her as much as possible. She will need you more now than ever. Take care and my prayers go out to you.

I wish one day, we'll find a cure to all the illnesses and diseases that are taking so much people from their loved ones. It's all too painful to deal with.[/quote]

Hey, I'm sorry about your mother as well. You know she is in a much much better place. A place where there is no more suffering, or sickness.

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