hi i'm new

fluffyf · New User Joined: 08 Mar 2006 Posts: 4

hi i'm new to this site was wondering if anyone can help me.
my dad has cancer it started in the bladder and has now spread to his liver and kidneys hes had chemo for a year but it hasnt work, he killed my mum in 1997 and now lives in a mental hospital, ( i guess i feel like cause he took a life gos is now taking his life) hes just been given a mcmillian nurse to help us cope, my main problem is how to say goodbye i'm finding it hard, i've tried writing it down but my mind goes blank, when i visit him i dont know how to say it, i wanted to do something special but cuase hes in a metal hospial he's not allowed out so its hard any ideas would be ever so gratfull

thanks for taking the time to read xxx

brainman · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject: Re: hi i'm new

Fluffyf, I may be way off target here… forgive me if I am. Have you said “goodbye” to your mum yet? Often, we hold on to someone, or have a hard time saying “goodbye” because that person is the reason we lost someone else. If you can let go of your mum, then it will be easier to say goodbye to your dad. Like I said, I may be wayyyy off on this one.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

fluffyf · New User Joined: 08 Mar 2006 Posts: 4

[quote="brainman"]Fluffyf, I may be way off target here… forgive me if I am. Have you said “goodbye” to your mum yet? Often, we hold on to someone, or have a hard time saying “goodbye” because that person is the reason we lost someone else. If you can let go of your mum, then it will be easier to say goodbye to your dad. Like I said, I may be wayyyy off on this one.[/quote]

tbh i guess i havent it was so out the blue when she died i wasnt expecting it i took all my grief and pushed it to surpporting my dad who i never got on with and hated my mum was my best friend. but how do i say bye to my mum???
any ideas??

brainman · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:57 pm Post subject: Re: hi i'm new

This is just an idea... you have to find what is right for you... but you could write her a letter. Pour out your feelings about missing her, own suddonly she was taken from you, maybe you have a little anger toward her as well. Let it all out in the letter. Don't hold back anything. Then, when you are ready, burn the letter and scatter the ashes.

You might also need to seek help from a grief counselor. I do not know how old you are (did you say... forgive me if you did... I am very tired). In any event, what you experienced in 97 was a very traumatic experience. If you stand any chance of really saying goodbye to your father, you will somehow need to find a constractive way of expressing that trauma. Some artists express it through their art.

I am so sorry for the trauma you experienced in 97 and are preparing to experience soon.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

fluffyf · New User Joined: 08 Mar 2006 Posts: 4

[quote="brainman"]This is just an idea... you have to find what is right for you... but you could write her a letter. Pour out your feelings about missing her, own suddonly she was taken from you, maybe you have a little anger toward her as well. Let it all out in the letter. Don't hold back anything. Then, when you are ready, burn the letter and scatter the ashes.

You might also need to seek help from a grief counselor. I do not know how old you are (did you say... forgive me if you did... I am very tired). In any event, what you experienced in 97 was a very traumatic experience. If you stand any chance of really saying goodbye to your father, you will somehow need to find a constractive way of expressing that trauma. Some artists express it through their art.

I am so sorry for the trauma you experienced in 97 and are preparing to experience soon.[/quote
thanks i'm 28
i did seek help but it didnt help i guess ive just always pushed it to the back of mind and just get on with life if u met me u would never know someone so bad has happened cause its like it never has
i will take ur adcive and do that write her a letter thank you it means a lot to hear ur advice xxx

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