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adaughter · New User Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

My mother is approaching her 4th year as a cancer survivor. I thank God for her continued health. She was diagnosed with stage iv lung cancer and tuberculosis. I was on my way to Kentucky when I got the call. I have never talked to her about it, what I do know, I lucked upon rambling through papers around the house, and catching my mother's mentionings of different prescriptions. It's not in her to talk about it, or maybe its not in me to talk to her about it. I haven't been able to talk to her without faltering. It is very difficult to not notice when her appetite is down, or she's in pain. It is excruciating to see her wear low self esteem, because her size 4s are now too big-- though her preference is that you look past it, like you would a fly in the garden. Im not that strong. Once, she told me not to come over alone, because she knew that I couldn't take it, and she couldn't take that. Her birthday is Sunday. That means spring will be here soon. I'm sorry to babble, but this is all that I can do to hold it together. I have two younger sisters, and two older brothers, and a loving husband. I feel like I have to be strong for everybody, and I feel selfish for needing somebody to be strong for me. Lately I've been negotiating these feelings with wine and insomnia. Some days Im fine, and some days I'm overwhelmed with fear and guilt. Thank you for your time, your eye.

k9fan2 · New User Joined: 13 Feb 2006 Posts: 5

It is very hard to watch someone you love go through something like this. You don't have to be strong for everybody, just your Mom since that is how she prefers to deal with it.

My Dad died in July of 2002. He was getting weaker and weaker every day and would not face the fact that something was wrong. By the time they found out what it was, he never left the hospital. And he never, ever talked to me about it either even when I was sitting with him during the night he never spoke to me about dying.

I dealt with it. I cried now and then and I talked to my sister and my husband a little. Generally I am a very emotional person so everyone was surprised at how well I handled it. 18 mos later I had a nervous breakdown and then I had to deal with it. What helped me the most was a letter I wrote to my Dad. It was very frank and very open and I read it to the depression group I was in. I cried for a long time but it gave me peace.

You may want to consider writing a letter to your mother (even tho you don't send it). It will help you vent your feelings w/o involving anyone else. Hang in there. Since I lost my Dad, my grandmother died and I had to put my Mom in a nursing home due to Alzheimers. A month ago today, my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. Actually your post gave me hope because you Mom has survived a long time since being diagnosed in Stage IV.

I guess I am kind of rambling here but I want you to know you are definitely not alone.

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