What Happens Now??

robgreenwood · New User Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 5

Hi There, this is my first post on this forum, not a forum I thought I would ever use. My dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer yesterday. He's been losing weight, becoming lethargic but a few weeks or so ago he began to lose his voice. Thinking he had a really bad sore throat he went to see his GP who told him he had severe laryngitis. This didn't go so eventually was referred to a throat specialist, he went for the results yesterday to be told he has a tumour in his lung pressing against his vocal chords.

I live in London my parents are in Bradford and are both late 70's, my dad also suffers from Alzheimers. There are things I don't understand right now, the main one being "What Happens Now??". They have to go back to see a lung specialist in a weeks time, so right now we have no idea what stage it's at, what the prognosis is. My parents are notoriously bad at asking questions, what should they be asking?

As I mentioned my dad has Alzheimers and doesn't really appear to have taken this in, has anyone else dealt with this? Is this a blessing in disguise? Rather than a painfully slow downward spiral of losing is ability to look after himself, this may be fast. I can't honestly believe I am even thinking this never mind typing it. Is treatment simply going to make the december of his life miserable? Can I even brouch this subject with my family?

deba · Regular Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Posts: 28

Rob,
My thoughts and prayers are with you, as I know how you are feeling. It sounds like your dad's tumor may be pretty large, and if so, I would expect that it may not be localized. I know my dad's tumor was pressing on his pulmonary artery, and his cancer had already spread when diagnosed. Would you be able to go with your parents to the doctor, or could someone else? They need support and someone to ask questions. I know that my dad has tumors in his brain and sometimes seems to not have digested his diagnosis either, and then sometimes he seems mentally fine and understand the ramifications of his disease.

Your parents need to take pen and paper with them to the doctor. That is the one thing I most recommend. Everything is so hard to digest and understand all at once and they need to write down everything that they are told. They (and you) will be glad that they did - believe me!

As for the questions - you will want to know the type of cancer - small cell or non small cell, etc., also what stage. If it has spread, what other organs are involved. Also, what treatment is recommended and if chemo, what drugs will be used. What side effects can be expected from the treatments. Your parents may or may not want to know a time frame, but it might be a good idea given their age. Also, is treatment going to be only pallative, meaning only to make your dad more comfortable, or is it going to prolong his life? My dad's treatment is only considered pallative as they have told him that they cannot cure him - however dad doesn't really digest this.

Good luck to you and please keep posting so that I can check on you. You are in my prayers. I am taking my dad today to his oncologist as he is unable to eat enough to sustain him. He is losing about 1 pound of weight a day right now. We are trying to decide on a feeding tube as he is truly hungry, but can't eat due to the side effects of the chemo making everything taste horrible and nauseating to him.

Prayers are with you!
Deb

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 17 Location: UK

Hi Rob!
I'm in the same boat as you.
My dad was diagnosed in Feb with Non small cell lung cancer.
He is only 67 yrs old.
He had an xray for back pain and they found a tumour on his lung.
He then had a CT scan and biopsy and the results were that he at stage IIIB which is not good.
The cancer has spread to his chest although it is not in his lymph nodes.
My dad will finish a 4 week course of radiotherapy tomorrow and he seems ok although he only weighs 9 stone at the moment.
See my thread ;dad just diagnosed; as there is some good advice on it.
Has your dad had a scan or biopsy?
My dad did not want to have any treatment but the doc said that radiotherapy would help him.
I'm not sure whether they will recommend chemo for him and i hope they dont to be honest as i dread him getting too poorly.
This is a great forum and there are lots of people here to help us through this crappy time.
Take care
Jackie

bkerber1 · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:11 am Post subject: Re: What Happens Now??

Hi Rob,
Im so sorry to hear about your dad. Both of my parents have just been diagnosed with lung cancer, Dad in January and Mom this month. They are in their middle 70's. They both handle the news differently. Dad asks no questions and never talks about it, Mom talks openly about dying and asks many questions. I wish you could take the time to go with them to their oncology appointment. It has helped a great deal for me to be there. Also, if you can't go, tell your Dad to put you on the list at his doctor so you can call them directly and ask your own questions. I have done this and it helps a great deal. My dad has just finished radiation therapy and is doing well other than losing weight. He is non small cell IIIB, Mom is not doing as well with aggressive large cell. Shes been told she has 6 months. You are probaby still reeling trying to process the information that he has cancer. This will pass and you just try to learn as much as possible and be there for your dad. I will keep him in my prayers.

robgreenwood · New User Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 5

Many thanks for the responses, it really does help reading other peoples experiences. The what now question is beginning to get answered, I guess to next question is "when".

Forgive my ramblings, but I'd like to share my experiences, maybe it will be of interest to other children that can't be there as much as they'd like.

Well, I went to see him for the first time since diagnosis and saw a shadow of the man I last saw in January, it really was a shock how fast this appears to have got hold. I should say I still don't know the extent however to the untrained eye it doesn't look good. My dad was never one to stay in bed later than 8am, he barely got out of bed this weekend. He can't eat, he has an almost constant cough, he explained it was like feeling you constantly need to clear phlem. He has absolutely no energy, the small amount of enrgy he has is provided by "high energy" shakes. He also seems to have a yellowish tinge to his complexion.

I'd like to add these thoughts as dealing with the Cancer is one thing but dealing with the diagnosis in an Alzheimers sufferer is quite another. He's been told what the problem is but quite literally forgets, which may not be a bad thing, until he then hears the diagnosis again....I think it's almost like being explained something you didn't quite get the last time it was explained, over and over again. He's not really sure why everyone is so upset or why he can't muster the energy to get out of bed.

There is so much to do, there really is so much you have to become aware of very quickly. Cancer Research have a very good informative web site.

The thing I have noticed is that my close family have started treating him differently now, it drove me mad to see him treated like a child. They are already putting themselves under enormous strain, I really wonder how long they can keep it up? My mum is just about holding things together. What worries me is that they think there will be a cure, maybe I'm wrong to think this is simply wishful thinking.

I also took my daughter (she's 10) to see him, I'm just not sure how she took it really. Need to talk to her.

Once again thanks for your posts...and all the very best to you and your families.

bkerber1 · Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 6:23 pm Post subject: Re: What Happens Now??

Rob,
I cannot even imagine what the alzheimers aspect of your dads illness does to the family. I think all of my siblings (there are 5 of us) felt guilty for just writing off my parents condition as terminal. The doctors would say he's responding well and then we'd feel guilty, but the truth is they cannot cure either one of my parents. Its just a matter of time. Even though my dad is doing well, the radiation has made him tired and he just looks very vulnerable. Not like the strong dad I grew up with. I am lucky that I have 4 siblings I can talk and cry with. I hope you find peace. Im thinking about you

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