mother only has months to live...found out saturday

Tinman · New User Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 2

On saturday my mother had a seizure at work....they rushed her to th ER where she had a second seizure. With cancer in our family history the doctors suspected the worst. The did a a few tests and found a mass in her lung and several lesions on her brain. It turns out that my mother had Melanoma that had spread to her lungs and brain.

After talking to a few of the doctors I realized how seroious this was. They told me it is going to take her pretty quick.....if she decides not to take treatment (radiation, chemo, etc) they expect her to pass within 2 months....if she goes ahead with treatment she could make it 6 months. I'm angry, confused, and sad all at once....Im a mess...I dont know what to do...I never thought I'd be put in this situation. The hard part is that she looks totally healthy right now...walking, talking, joking around.....but I know inside bad things are happening. I've had friends die suddenly in car wrecks and what not.....and it was hard to deal with ...but I had to....and time heals wounds. But to look my mother in the eyes...she isnt even 50 yrs old yet....and know that she will be gone very soon...tears me up inside. I also have a little sis that is 16... lives and is best friends with my mother....I cant even imagine what she is thinking...she is barely old enough to drive.

But how can I even think of us. God only knows what my mother is thinking right now. Saturday morning she went to work like its a normal day.....the next thing she knows a doctor is telling her that she is about to die.

Im trying to stay positive but its not easy.... Sad

msgreta · New User Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 3

I am so sorry for what you are going through - I can very much relate. My mother was diagnosed with extended stage small cell lung cancer just three weeks ago. They told me without treatment she had just weeks to live, and with treatment, around 9 months. They couldn't talk to her because she got sick so fast she became bedridden and disoriented overnight and we hospitalized her. She hasn't been home for five weeks (took three weeks for the diagnosis). She is in a nursing center now. We started chemo without talking to her because the doctor encouraged us to try and give her better quality of life. It nearly killed her because she was so frail and weak. Now we are waiting for her to get stronger to decided what to do. She just lays in bed all day and cannot even turn herself over. I too am just torn to bits in pain watching her. My brother died a few months ago and my parents were divorced, so I am left to take care of her. It is so hard. She was working and independent two months ago, now she can't even read a magazine or go to the bathroom. She has bed sores so bad you wouldn't believe it. I want to believe she will get better, but it is so hard watching her suffer through this. Now the financial part is starting to surface which is another issue. This is just the most horrible thing to go through. I wish my brother was here - you are very fortunate to have your sister. Best wishes and prayers to you.

chez uk

seven weeks today i lost my mum (61yrs) to colon cancer that spread to her liver. Its hard to think just six months ago she was well healthy totally happy. Then last August she started a pain in her lower back. Mum thought she had pulled a muscle. (the strange thing is i felt there was something terribly wrong) By september the pain was getting worse. The doctor sent her to hospital 28th sept. My mum had tests scans nothing showed up. One doctor even said to my mum that she was imagine the pain it was all in her head. After a 2nd opinion and yet more scans they found a mass. After more investigations my mum was diagnosed with having bowel cancer. She then had an operation to remove the tumor whilst doing the operation they noticed some shadows but nothing was done to them. Whist in hospital after the operation mum didnt seem to be improving. i live in northwest england mum lived down south 250 miles away. I flew down 10 days later to surprise her. She burst into tears. I noticed a faugue look in her eyes cant explain but it was a weird feeling. I was worried something wasnt right. Mum kept saying she was finei wanted to speak to the nurses but mum didnt want me to she didnt want the nurses being bothered. my other sisters thought i was mad when i spoke about her eyes. I flew back to manchester the following day after an emotional goodbye with my mum. I was scared it would be my last time with her. A week later mum was sent home. Mum was so happy to be going home she text me. She was due to start chemo 19th dec. But since being out of hospital there had been no improvement she was still very weak they couldnt start the treatment and an appointment was made for 14th jan 2006. All this time i was being told by my mum sister everyone that mum was getting better ( i still had this bad feeling) So boxing day i drove at 4am to surprise my mum. when i arrived i was shocked ( i had my heart set that i would see an improvement). Mum was pleased to see me but it was kinda emotionless mum was always such an emotional person. that vague look was still present. Spent the day with her. Then the next day another emotional goodbye i couldnt stop the tears yet again i thought it would be my last. eveyday i rang mum everyday she was sounding weaker but kept insisting she was fine that i was not allowed to get upset. I was getting really concerned worry agitated. Jan 14th Mum had her heart set on this Chemo went all ready to start it. Im sorry to say this but im afraid there would be no use. Mum KEPT SAYING IVE EATEN IVE PUT A LITTLE WEIGHT ON. Jan14th our lives were turned upside down. Im afraid the cancer as spread to the liver U have only weeks maybe months to live. A week later i was told to come right away. I arrived on the thursday by the sunday mum was starting to drift in and out a coma. Thurday 26th Jan 2006 My Mum left us. During her illness I truly believe mum herself knew it was terminal and kept it from her husband and us 4 girls. we were only told 10 days before she died when the one thing she hoped prayed and lived for was denied chemo treatment. Me and mum had become really close in the last 10 years. even though i lived 300 miles away i rang her every night. But at the moment im so confused i havent really cried since she died. i feel gulity because i havent cried, but im not completely sure if i have fully excepted the fact my mum has left me. I ring my sisters and from what they say they cry alot. but i have this constant pain in my lower chest.i really dont understand this grieving process. i loved my mum with all my heart she was my best friend. mum loved me unconditionally and she would always listen to my fears and concerns. i know that when she died apart of me went with her. and now i have to find who i am that security i have had for 32 years has gone. i just feel so confused........ I cannot get my head around anything I have to live one day at a time that is the only way i can get through anything involving my life. My life has come crashing down around me and im just stood in the middle looking at the damage. Sorry if i have gone on abit this is the first time i have written such a detailed account

Tinman · New User Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 2

I spent the whole weekend with my mother.....we went shopping and BBQ'd.....she was doing ok...her speech is getting worse...slurring and studdering...and she doesnt have much energy. I came home last night (2 hour drive) and planned on going back thursday. I found out that my little sis (16 yrs old) had to take her to the emergency room last night because mom was in so much pain. She is still in the hospital on a morphine drip but whenever she wakes up she in in horrible pain. My older bro is there also...he said he just wanted her to sleep because when she wakes up her head hurts so bad. Soooooo....I am headed back in the morning. I have missed alot of work at this point....thank god I saved all my vacation. The did an MRI tonight but they wont get results till in the morning.....they need to figure out why she is having horrible headaches.

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