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hopeinlife
Regular
Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 17
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:00 am Post subject: I'm lost.... |
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I posted a month back. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer , metastasize to the brain and bones. She is currently on Tarceva. She had her lung and brain scan again two weeks ago. The results showed a reduction in the cancer, great news!
Here's the dilemna. She still does not know she have lung cancer. We wanted to tell her but we just can't. My mom have always hated hospitals and do not like going to the doctor. She is very weak in terms of facing these kind of situations. She hates medications!!! We know that she will not take the medications if she know about her situation. When someone is face with fighting cancer, they have to be mentally tough to even stand a chance. We feel that right now is not the time to let her know because she may just give up without even starting the fight.
She have been on Tarceva for a little over a month now and the rashes are coming like there is no tomorrow. She feel tire all the time from the medications. She asked us why do I have to keep taking medications. We told her it's because you have a bacterial infection in the lung and you have to take it or it will come back.
I feel like we are trying to think best for her by not telling her the truth. However, I feel so guilty because she deserve to know. We love her too much that we lie to her!!! And it hurts so much...
Our resolution is that we will eventually have to tell her if her situation does not improve. Is this the right choice??? Help, any feedback that can perhaps change the way I see things...??? |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3711
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:41 am Post subject: Re: I'm lost.... |
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hopeinlife, I can very much sympathize with you. It is not easy to tell someone that you love so much that she has cancer and may die soon.
You said that she has been taking Tarceva for a month? What, if anything, has she been told that it is for? I am of the belief that "informed consent" means that someone need to tell your mother about her cancer and talk about her treatment. I very much hate that a lot of doctors leave that up to a family member. Get your mother's doctor to tell her what is wrong with her so that he/she can answer all of your mothers questions. In my opinion, the sooner you do this the better for all of you.
You, your family, and especially your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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simplyklb
Senior User
Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 168
Location: Near Kansas City MO
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 7:34 pm Post subject: Re: I'm lost.... |
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I think that your mom needs to be told. It is really up to your mom if she wants treatment or not. My dad's cancer is soo extensive that I wonder if it is worth all the agony of him going thru treatment. Dad should be having scans real soon to see where we are in the fight. It will bve up to my dad if he wants to continue treatment or not. All's I can do is stand by him.
Kristi
_________________
Dad - Andy, 70, diagnosed with SCLC in May 2008
Mom - Jackie, 67, diagnosed with NSCLC in May 2008 |
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koikkeril
Moderator
Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 296
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:54 pm Post subject: Re: I'm lost.... |
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[quote="brainman"]hopeinlife, I can very much sympathize with you. It is not easy to tell someone that you love so much that she has cancer and may die soon.
Get your mother's doctor to tell her what is wrong with her so that he/she can answer all of your mothers questions. In my opinion, the sooner you do this the better for all of you.
Ditto=brainman
Hopeinlife, really it is for the best your mum knows so she can make her decision on her treatment, she may surprise you or perhaps she has already had some thoughts on this already and not mentioned it to anyone. I will pray for you and your mum, God Bless Koik |
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helensgirl
Senior User
Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 125
Location: north carolina
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: Re: I'm lost.... |
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Kristi,
Just my opinion, but I think that your mom should know about her condition. Who knows, she may very well have the fight in her to take this thing head-on. Also, if not telling her is causing you some feelings of guilt, then her knowing will alleviate those feelings and perhaps make you stronger for the fight as well. It's up to you as to whether you tell her or the doctor tells her... depending on her personality--and you know her better than anyone. I really don't want to make it seem as if I'm some kind of expert, but I know that if it were my situation, I would make her aware of her condition. Having been through the whole thing myself with my own mother, I can't imagine having lost her without her knowing the truth before she passed away. God bless, Kim in NC
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07 |
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