My fight with malignant melanoma

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

Hi, my name is Thad and I wanted to introduce myself to the forum. My story is not unlike many of you here suffering with this terrible disease. I would like to give my story here and offer any help and encouragement that I can. I'm not going to post my whole story here; I have a site located on myspace that if you wish to read it, please feel free. Here is the link - http://www.myspace.com/triad7 , click on the blog link labeled Battling cancer.

Anyway, this is a tough fight for all of us, its scary, and if we read the stats and listen to the experts, they would have us all dead and berried in less than a years time. I'm here to say that this in nonsense! Only God nows when our time is up and when he says it's time for me to go I will gladly go; however, until that time comes all the experts and statistitions can kindly kiss my hind-parts.

To close I say this - Do not give up the fight! Keep your faith strong in God and give it all to him. And if its needed, get pissed and come out swinging.

As for me I will take all the prayers that you all can give. I just found out on Friday that the melanoma in my system has spread into my brain and I'm going to have the gamma knife procedure done sometime this week...I'll keep you all posted.

Live strong and God bless.

Thad
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

Folks,

I need to apologize, I did not realize that including links in posts without forum longevity is not permitted. I understand the policy and would like to post my story and its entirety here. Be forewarned, it's quite lengthy, but I hope it will help.

Battling Cancer
Category: Life

This is a story of my adventures in battling cancer. It is my hope that through the telling of my experiences, feelings and emotions while I journey through the shadows while battling the indiscriminant enemy - cancer; I will be able to help and touch others whose fate is similar.

My story actually begins many years before being diagnosed with cancer. It starts back when I was a kid trying to fit in and be accepted by my family and peers. Unfortunately I wasn't the most popular kid on the block, which isn't a bad thing, it's just I would do anything to be that popular kid, and that was bad. So going through life into my adult years the same theme followed, which in turn lead me down some paths that would not be very conducive to neither my physical, mental, or spiritual health.

The yearning for acceptance finally culminated when I divorced my first wife and started out on a path of self destruction, which involved less than desirable people, parties, drugs, and alcohol. This journey of self destruction led me down some very dark paths, some of which I'm very thankful to have survived.

It was because of my desire to be accepted and loved I thought that the only way to achieve this was to have a desirable outward appearance and the only desirable outward appearance that I thought was acceptable was a chizzled hardbody that was both big and strong. I thought by having this type of body would not only gain me acceptance and love, but also respect. Of course in order to achieve this goal I decided indulge myself in the world of chemically enhanced physiques. Yes, I chose to experiment in steroids. By doing steroids I was able to achieve the goals with my outward appears and gain the love, acceptance and respect that I desired. Unfortunately this path lead to a very dark world.

When my physique started to take form, I started getting noticed by both women and men, it was kind of weird how many men I got attention from; I think it was a form of penis envy. Anyway, I ended up hooking up with a couple of girls throughout this timeframe and while engaged in a relationship with them I was lead down even darker paths; getting myself in debt and dabbling in drugs (pot).

Eventually after doing steroids and lifting weights for over two years I decided that I was going to fulfill a life long dream of becoming a body builder. It was during this time that God felt that it was time to put and end to my dark journey and he sent an Angel to rescue me from my path of destruction. Of course this Angel wasn't an Angel like you and I would think of an Angel, with wings and a halo, no, this Angel came to me as a beautiful woman who would eventually become my wife. If it wasn't for God intervening with his Angel at this moment in my life, I believe I wouldn't be setting here writing this right now.

After marrying my wife, my guardian Angel, I still continued on my quest to be a bodybuilder, and yes I still continued to do the steroids, but now I added a relentless need to become tan, so I could look even more chiseled and cut. Unfortunately I don't have the complexion that is conducive to a dark bronzed body; in fact you could say that I'm on the whiter side of white, but at the time that didn't matter; all that mattered was fulfilling my quest.

The final time had come, it was only weeks until the meet, and I was putting the final touches on my physique and the posing routine I would be performing onstage. Then all of the sudden out of the blue while visiting some friends, one of which was a nurse, my wife notice that a spot on my side she had been concerned about had turned color. We had the nurse friend take a look and she confirmed our doubt and insisted that we see a doctor immediately.

The very next week I setup an appointment to see my doctor and have the spot looked at. After the doc took a look at it he wanted to have it biopsied, so he cut a sliver of the mole and sent it off to be examined. I think it wasn't until three weeks later I got a call to come in and talk to the doctor. I remember thinking that this didn't sound good but maybe if it was cancer, it would only be the less dangerous kind that wouldn't require any significant procedures to be carried out. Unfortunately that was not the case. As I have now learned, doctors do not call you into their office to tell you good news. The only time they call you into their office is to deliver grave news, which in my case was to tell me that I had melanoma skin cancer.

Even after receiving such shocking news, it did not sway my decision in sticking to my guns on achieving my goal of bodybuilding…such a fool I was. Anyway, the day after the meet I was scheduled for surgery to have the melanoma removed. After recovering from surgery I went back to the doctor to determine any further action, which there was, but only to have a sentinel lymph node removed and tested to make sure nothing had spread beyond the initial point of infection. After everything was said and done, all seemed to be well. There was no evidence of the cancer spreading and no further treatment would be require; the only thing that would be done would be to monitor me over the next few years.

All seemed to be clear; it had been almost 2 full years since being diagnosed with the melanoma. Things were back to normal and my new bride and I were busy building our lives together. Then in April of this year (2007), I started getting these cyst like bumps throughout the sub-dermal areas of my body. There were a few bumps on my back, several located throughout my entire scalp, and a couple here and there on different locations throughout my body. Initially I didn't think too much about it, other than I was breaking out with these cysts and I didn't know what was causing it. I thought maybe it was something I ate, or something I used in washing my hair or body. It was very confusing to my wife and I; we couldn't figure it out. I even had my wife try to express one of the larger cysts on my back, I know it sounds gross, but I have to state the facts so the whole story is told. Suffice it to say nothing came out of the cyst my wife worked on.

So being the typical man I finally gave in and went to the see the doc. After my visit with the GP Doc, he found it best that he send me to my dermatologist due to my recent history with melanoma. So off I went to the dermatologist, who took a biopsy and said if I didn't hear back from him in three weeks everything would be ok, but if I heard from him any sooner, well things would be so good. Sure enough about a week and a half later I received a call from the doc's office requesting me to come in. And as I said before, doctor's offices don't call you into the office for good news. Of course the news was that the melanoma had once again raised its ugly head in my system, and this time around things seemed to be a little more urgent.

Things started happening so fast it made me and my wife's head spin. Before we knew it I was off making appointments with oncologists, and surgeons. First it was the oncologist who basically said surgery wasn't an option and the only options were CAT scans and chemo therapy. Of course we wanted to keep our options open, so we went ahead with the meeting with the surgeon, which was pretty much a waist of time and money because he basically told the same thing the oncologist told us.

After the CAT scan results came back, the wife and I met with the oncologist who gave us the rundown as to the extent of the mastitis throughout my body. He told us that I had tumors located throughout the various derma regions along with spots on my lung and lymph nodes. Even though this type of news was pretty heart wrenching to hear; the prognosis wasn't that bad. The doc said that all the places I had throughout my body were locate in favorable places for treatment, which was good news, considering.

So off I went to chemo therapy. Initially when we talked to the doctor he thought we would have to go through 4 to 5 rounds of chemo therapy, which would consist of 6 days in the hospital each round. Fortunately, or at least it was fortunate at the time, I did so well during the therapies I didn't have to participate in but two of the rounds at the hospital. My wife and I were elated and relieved, especially knowing we didn't have to go through another 6 days of hell in the hospital.

After the initial chemo treatments I was enrolled into a research study for a melanoma vaccine, which consisted of a series of shots and tests conducted over a 15 to 18 month period. The study was extremely less abrasive than having to go through chemo therapy. The shots that I received only left whelp where they were given and they had very little if any side effects. All was well, the initial results from the study showed that I was having a positive response to the vaccine and I was on my way to a full remission.

Everything was becoming routine; I would go get my scans, usually a bone and CAT scan, then I would get my blood drawn, see the doc and if I was scheduled to receive a shot, then they would do so. My last doctor's appointment I was scheduled to do my usual routine, which I did. I got my scans, blood work, and went to the doctor's office with the assumption that I would receive my vaccine shot. Unfortunately this was not the case. The doctor came in and basically said that he didn't know any other way to tell me this but they had found 3 tumors in my brain. I was in shock. At first I didn't know what to say. The only thing I could think of was to ask questions, which I did. I don't think the full magnitude of what was told to me hit until I was out in the car getting ready to call my wife and give her the bad news.

What does a person do when they are given such shocking news? My wife and I didn't know what to do, the only thing that we new to do was turn to God for comfort and direction. As we have done along this whole journey we have turned to God for his guidance. God is the only answer to such a grave situation that has an unknown outcome.

So where does the path go from here? We were coasting along thinking everything was gravy, the out of no where a storm rolls in blocking the current path we are on and forcing us down a darker path where the outcome is only known by God. I guess that somehow makes sense though, since ultimately God wants us to fully trust in him and not rely on our own reasoning.

The next stop in this journey is to undergo a procedure that includes beaming radioactive gamma rays into my brain in an attempt to kill the cancer locate in my left frontal lobe. After that, only God know where the path will lead. More than likely there is more chemo therapy on the horizon, which I'm not looking forward to, but if that is what it take, then so be it. I know that God is with me and in control.

The morals of this journey are this: 1) Always put your faith in God. No matter what you are faced with in life, God is bigger and is able to take care of it. 2) Do not look for love and acceptance in people. People will always fail you when it comes to highly coveted values in life. The only entity in this universe that is never failing, always loving, always caring, and always there is the Lord God himself. 3) Do not forsake your own morals and scruples to be accepted by others. The only thing we need to worry about is being acceptable to God, and being acceptable to God is simple, just accept his Son as Lord and Savior and trust in him always.
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

brainman

Thad, this link does work. Because we do allow truly personal blogs or websites, you can use your myspace link. On the other message, you must have typed something wrong because the link did not work. You can add it back if you want.

Could you still give a brief version of your story here so that people can respond here?

Thanks
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

brainman

Thad, I do not know what to say Sad

. I am so sorry for struggle with Melanoma. When were you first diagnosed? You and your wife have certainly been "through the valley of the shadow of death." I read your story and am totally overwhelmed. I encourage you to continue with the therapy and to make the most out of every single moment of life.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

I was first diagnosed in July of 2005. I had one spot on my left upper torso, which turned color. I had the long excision to have the spot removed and a few weeks later I had a sentinel node biopsied as well. At the time everything seemed to be ok. The biopsy came back clean and I thought whew missed a bullet there.

Anyway, as you can see from my story that was not the last I would see of the melanoma. Anyway, even though my story is somewhat grim, my purpose here is to hopefully help others make it through this trying time.

Out the door for now, more to come later.

Thad
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

Just got back from an appointment with the Radiologist. The results of the consultation where not as I expected. Up to this point I've been getting myself psyched up and ready to go through the Gamma knife treatment. I kept telling myself it wasn't going to be that bad, you are in and out the same day with little or now side effects. I could deal with that.

Now, after the consult with the Radiologist; the Gamma knife may not be the best option at this point. Apparently since the cancer in my brain came on rather aggressively over the last 6 weeks or so, the Doc seems to think that the best course of action now is to apply radiation therapy to the entire brain. The therapy in total includes 15 minute sessions everyday for three weeks. Man! Just when you get yourself geared up and ready for one thing they through a monkey wrench into the whole and knock you down a couple notches. Now I have to get myself psyched up for this one. Oh well what ever it takes to win the war.

Anyway, the next steps going forward is to setup an MRI of my brain to determine in more detail the extent of the cancer infestation in my brain.

Pray for me guys and gals. I really don't want to do the whole radiation therapy, but if I have to then I will because I know its God's will.

A word of encouragement and wisdom:
Praise God even during the hardest times because it is at these times he is working the hardest.
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

brainman

Thad, I am so sorry that you do not qualify for the gamma knife version of radiation. I was affraid that might be the case. Usually a gamma knife is used when the is only one relatively small tumor and you have 3. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

Jim,

Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. I have a question; I have been contemplating requesting that the doctor's proceed with the gamma knife treatment. After considering the possible side effects of a full radiation treatment; I really don't want to take the risks of losing any of my brain functionality. The reason I say this is I depend heavily on my brain for my lively-hood. Anyway, I would prefer that they do the gamma knife and as a last resort the full radiation. Finally, my question is, when you went through your radiation treatment did you suffer any ill effects from the therapy? i.e. loss of memory or cognitive reasoning skills?

Thoughts?

Thad
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

brainman

Not knowing where specifically in the brain your tumors are, this is only a guess at best. The problem with using a gamma knife on multiple tumors is that after a while you are basically doing as much damage to healthy cells as you are with whole brain radiation. The whole point of the gamma knife (or any other form of targeted radiation) is to decrease the damage to healthy cells by aiming weaker radiation beams from various directions. That way only the area where the beams cross gets the full dose. But if you are treating a number of locations, after a while most of the brain is getting approximately the same amount of radiation (if not higher). The same is true for a large tumor... above a certain size, all of the brain gets about the same amount of radiation.

My radiation was a targeted radiation where my head and face was placed in a mask specifically made for me. The mask was then bolted down the the table so that my head was always in exactly the same position. I forget how many beams they used, but it took about an hour a day, one day a week, for 12 weeks. The only ill effects I had was I lost my hair at the places where the radiation penetrated my scalp and a slight burn to my skin... no worse than a mild sunburn.

Memory loss? Yes. But I do not know how much was dew to the cancer, surgery, and/or radiation. I can tell you that I am not quit as sharp mentally as I once ways. I used to preach once in a while. I did two weekends ago and had a very difficult time just reading. I have no problems doing what I love the most... administering and replying on this Forum. I can post messages here and on three different IM windows at the same time, so my mind is still good Wink

Can't say the same for my right hand (cancer was on the left motor strip).
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

sodapop

Thadius, my thoughts and prayers are with you man! This is a tough fight and you're correct that we need to put all our faith in God's hands with this horrific disease. I to am struggling with this nightmare and am doing well so far.

I really will pray that things go well with your Brain radiation, that must be really scarry but we have to do what we have to do to beat this beast.

I've been through a lot this year and am holding strong. Dr.'s don't know when we will go, like you said, it's in God's hands. I was given a 30% chance at a 2 yr survival, I'm not buying it.

Keep us updated man, we will fight this together. I go in for CT-Scans next wednesday and another dose of my favorite 2 chemos, lol! Hopefully I won't need a Transfusion this time, that chemo eats them red cells up.

Very Happy

In

My thoughts are with you- Please keep us up to date on how things go.

Thinking of you. Inica
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Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

Thaddius · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 8

Guys and Gals - Brothers and Sisters;

First I want to say thank you for your prayers and support. My prayers go out to you all as well. Through God we can all come out on the other side of this horrible storm.

As for any updates on me; there really isn't anything new to report. I talked to my doctor today about the upcoming radiation treatment and a new drug he wants to start me on in the mean time...I think he called it Temodar. Anyone know anything about this one? Anyway, I have my MRI on my brain this coming Sunday at 3:15pm EST. We are all praying for a miracle that there won't be any tumors...God willing there won't be.

I'll let you all know the results and what the doc says when I hear back from him.

My thoughts and prayers to all...

Thad
_________________
Live Strong and keep your faith strong in God.

sodapop

Hey Thadius, all I know about Temador is it's a Chemotherapy that can be used for Brain Metastasis because it penetrates the blood barrier to the brain, which some Chemos do not do. I also heard that it is often used after radiation but can be used during if administered in low dose form.

If I'm wrong, someone please correct me, just trying to help!

I am not a doctor, so take as a grain of salt please and ask your Oncologist to explain all the details. I wish I was an Oncologist so I can try and help find a cure for these horrible diseases, Crying or Very sad

Keep the faith!
_________________
Can miracles happen?

http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7254

Sodapop--aka "the survivor"!

hojo · New User Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 2

Dear Thad,

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. Last June, I took my father to the hospital because he was having horrible headaches and falling and they found over 6 tumors in his brain. They were unable to use the gamma knife and had to do whole brain radiation because there were multiple sites. During the radiation, he also took Temodar. It seemed to help with the brain tumors, and he was able to remember more things and seemed to be improving. It did not however, stop it from spreading, and two days after he was finished with radiation, the cancer had moved down his spine. They did an MRI of his brain, and the tumors had shrunk significantly, so whole brain radiation and Temodar does work. Unfortunatley, my dad had a horrible allergic reaction to Temodar and the cancer had overwhelmed his body so much that he chose to go on hospice. He passed away Septmeber 6th.

Just keep an eye out for any sign of an allergic reaction to the Temodar because it can happen at any time no matter how long you have been on it. It is a horrible reaction that takes weeks to get over.

Keep praying,keep fighting because the treatments due impove things, and live every minute because life changes overnight,
God Bless and good luck

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