I dony know what to do

niamhie · New User Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 3 Location: IRELAND

Hi All,

I found this website on gopogle and thought i'd give it a go.

My mum was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago. Since the time she was diagnosed she has undergone 2 operations (they didnt take enough the first time).

She had her first chemo treatment thursday 17 May 2007 and was sick for 3 days after that and was feeling ok thereafter.

I was on a short break last weekend and when I returned the majority of the hair had fallen out. I tried not to act shocked or startled but I had left her 4 days previous with a full head of hair and then just like that it was gone. I noticed that she is not herself, quite, keeping to herself and crying all the time. I dont know what to do or say to make her feel any better, I obviously told her we (My family) love her as much as we ever did and she is still as beautiful as ever to us but I am not getting any reaction.

My dad and brother are finding this really tough as well as they feel totally helpless too.

Can anyone please give some advise on what we can do to make her feel happier? The last thing any of us wants is mum sinking into depression on top of everything else.

Please help if you can....

jfkbluecircle · Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:08 am Post subject: Re: I dony know what to do

Hi, niamhie,
I am sorry for your mother's diagnosis and the reasons that brought you to this forum. However, you have found a wonderful community of people from all over the place who are going through, or have gone through what you and your family are now.

Cancer patients face numerous issues beyond just physical discomfort. I am not a mother (yet) but I am sure it must be hard for her, who has always been the parent and a strong one, to be sure, to let down her semblance of calm when feelings of fear and worry come over her. She may express some feelings of anger, or just have unpredictable reactions to things. It's 'normal,' so don't worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. Does she have access to any type of counseling for cancer patients? Sometimes, hematologists/oncologists have on-staff therapists, sometimes they are able to refer patients and families to such means of help.

If I may ask, what type of cancer does she have and have you posted to any of the specific cancer forums here? It might give you more comfort to chat with folks who have loved ones with the same type of cancer as your mom (but of course, posting in this thread is appropriate, too, I hope that doesn't read the wrong way). Just let her know that you love her, be there with her when she cries; send notes of love and encouragement. It is so important for her to know that she is not alone, and reading your post, she most definitely is not alone nor on her own since you, your brother and your father are all there for her.

I wish I could give you words of more comfort across the ocean there in beautiful Ireland. Many families come through times like this much closer (if it is possible) than ever before. I know yours' will be the same.

My very best to you and your family,
Jessica

brainman · Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:30 pm Post subject: Re: I dony know what to do

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's cancer, niamhie! It would be helpful for you to have the following information: type, size, grade, and specific location of the cancer. That is vital information to determine standard treatment and long term prognosis for a person. Start keeping a medical journal for your mother. Include what medications she is taking. Keep us updated. I will have you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

niamhie · New User Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 3 Location: IRELAND

It is breast cancer that she has. I jsut feel so useless. Thankyou for all your replys. I really appreciate it. Crying or Very sad

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 796 Location: UK

Hello, Niamhie - I am so sorry your mother has this to face. It is difficult to know how to help - you do not say if she has any support in the hospital for dealing with side effects. For instance, has anyone shown her wigs or how to use headcoverings? Where in Ireland does she live? Chemo can have a depressive effect and makes the person feel tired. It is quite normal and the best thing is to allow herself to relax and not to fight the fatigue.

There is a useful little book called "Coping with Chemotherapy" by Terry Priestman which is very helpful. Sheldon Press publish it. And if you haven't already found it, there is a site http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk where you may also find someone to help.

You and your family also need support - take care of yourselves and try not to be too overborne by what is happening.

Keep in touch.

niamhie · New User Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 3 Location: IRELAND

She is living in Co. Kildare, not far from Tallaght hospital where she is getting treated. The hospital are great, they told her where to get wigs and bandana's and stuff but the wigs give her headaches so she cant wear them for too long. I will have a lok for that book Vee Amith, thanks. I am also going to have a look on the internet and see if there are any nice bandana's to hopefully brighten her mood. She went for blood tests today and they came back really good so she's in a good mood today, yippee!!

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 796 Location: UK

Excellent! Very Happy

jfkbluecircle · Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:07 pm Post subject: Re: I dony know what to do

Hi, niamhie:
I am so glad your mom got good news. Every positive thing helps.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing, too!
Best,
Jessica

brainman · Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:47 pm Post subject: Re: I dony know what to do

Niambie, I also am glad that your mother is doing well and for the good news about her blood test. I know that at times this can be very frightening, however, I good attitude is very helpful. We are here to help if you need any information or interpritation of the information you already have. Let us know. You continue in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

cjago · Regular Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 42

Hi Niamh

I lost all my hair this winter because of my third round of chemotherapy, and I found Buffs really good - stretchy so no scarf-tying needed, comfortable, polyester so easy to wash and dry, lots of colours and patterns.

http://www.buffwear.com/

It takes a bit of time to adjust to the idea of being a cancer patient, and also to having one in the family. Good luck to you all.
_________________
adenocarcinoma of the breast, now widely metastatic (stomach, liver, pelvis, pancreas, bones, skin)
survived 11 years so far

brainman · Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:26 pm Post subject: Re: I dony know what to do

Buffs are great!!! Except maybe in hot weather. But in hot weather scarfs are just as bad. Razz

As a man, I did not mind being bald. However, I understand that for women hair is so much more important. Hope you can find a light-weight Buff that will work for you.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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