Sorry....help......please

csweens · Regular Joined: 02 Apr 2007 Posts: 29

Hi All -
I'm so sorry that I haven't been here for such a long time - I was very depressed for a long time and was in therapy, both talk and medication to try and deal with my Dad's cancer that had mets to his liver.

Well, I'm embarassed to say that I am in need of the help of you great folks on this forum. I'm sitting in my Dad's hospital room, on the verge of tears - he went through 10 rounds of chemo therapy (amazing the doctors said for his age of 81) and last Wednesday (his 81st birthday no less) we ended up in the ER - his body has filled up with fluid and his heart rate was like 177 when we got here. It's been 5 days and it seems like the fluid is still there, they've gotten his heart rate down a couple of times but then either it goes back up or something else starts heart related - his o2 levels go down, his blood pressure goes really high, then really low - he looks horrible, has not really eaten at all since he got in here and today started with diarhea. My mom and I were scared beyond scared on Thursday and Friday, but now she keeps coming into his room sayin how much better he looks - I really don't think he looks much better, what's wrong with him has just changed from day to day - I'm at my witts end - the doctors and nurses are absolutely no help whatsoever - I'm not askng them to be fortune tellers but they have to know something as to how bad it is - they've gone so far as to ask him for his living will (hospitals always ask if you have one - this is the first time I've seen them ask for his) - I guess my mom is the one driving me the most crazy - I can't imagine what she is going through - their 57th wedding anniversary is today and I know that neither one of them wants to spend it this way.
Ok, now that I've babbled - my question for everyone - how do you know, do you know - is there a way to tell if this is it??????????? He is sleeping alot - when he is awake he is well aware of what's going on - has a little pain in his side but nothing that he's asked for meds for.......I'm going crazy - my mom is talking like in a couple of days he's coming home - I can't imagine it now - she is making me nuts about hospice - about someone else being in their house - she wants to take care of him - she is 79 and not all with it herself.
Anything that you all can share with me that's happened to you or advice you'd like to share would be greatly appreciated. Again, I'm sorry I've been absent from here so long - I really just couldn't face talking about what was going on - think I was pretending he was ok because the chemo didn't make him sick - just pretending that things were ok - they're not and it's hitting me really hard.
Cindy

whipsnade · New User Joined: 30 Aug 2007 Posts: 8 Location: socal

we understand cindy, no reason to be embarrassed, i have been on other message boards and can tell you that i have read about far worse situations with great outcomes. chemo can really really tax your gig. there was nothing any doctor or otherwise that could have prepared me for what chemo did to me, kryptonite! all i was told all the time was "give you body a chance" never give up. i hope this helps!

god bless you always, you will be in our prayers always

chuck
_________________
stage 2 colorectal/diag march 2007/post chemo-radiotherpy

brainman · Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 1:25 am Post subject: Re: Sorry....help......please

Hi Cindy, it has been quit a while since your last post. Although I am glad that you have finally regained enough emotional strength to return, I am sad about the reason you are back. I am so sorry about your father's heath problems with chemotherapy. As Chuck said, chemotherapy can really "tax your gig".

You ask if there are any signs to watch for? There are a few indicators. The problem is that most of the indicator can also be symptoms caused by the chemotherapy which will resolve themselves once the chemotherapy ends and your father's body has a chance to recover. My advice to you is to live every day as if it is his last day. Do not worry about signs or statistical prognosis. Just don't let one day go by without sharing a meaning full moment with your father... even if the most meaningful thing you can do is sit quietly holding his hand.

Cindy, you also need to take care of your own needs and only you can say what those needs are. I was blessed by being able to be with my father when he died. However, I was self-aware enough to know when I needed a break... and I needed them often. I sought help from a therapist during that time. I walked around the hospital once or twice every day. I called my family and kept my siblings up to date. In other words, I took care of my own needs as well as sharing time with my father. You have to identify your own needs and find ways of addressing them.

You and your father are in my thoughts and prayers, Cindy. Keep us informed.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

csweens · Regular Joined: 02 Apr 2007 Posts: 29

Hi Chuck and Jim -
Thank you so very much for your kind words - things, unfortunately have taken a turn for the worse - my dad is now home on hospice - something that my mom and I was the best - but now opens a whole set of new problems - my mom is 79 and not the strongest in health - the hospice health aid has not started yet, because of the holiday probably wont' be here until Thursday - I live like 15 minutes away and am trying to be here as much as I can to help her - he is totally incontientent now - he does still have the strength to roll so atleast he trys to help get him cleaned up - but we had no training in all this - just from watching them do it in the hospital - gotten pretty good at it tho. I've kinda made my peace at what is happening to him - something that I've searched for since we found out about the cancer - now my focus is so much on keeping my mom ok - I'm so afraid this is going to take too big of a toll on her - they've been married 57 years - infact he spent his 81st birthday and their anniversary in the hospital - I know she is a strong woman but after spending life with someone for so very long how do you go on? I can't imagine it, I know what I'm feeling I can't imagine where she is. We both try to take care of each other and ourselves - you are so right Jim, ya gotta take breaks and I have -
Thanks again for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers - it's great to have folks who have gone down the road we are on -
You are in my thoughts and prayers -
Cindy

honeysuckle · Regular Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 34

Wow! Your parents are so lucky to have you there for them. What a job for you though. Do please find a way to get a little peace and quiet for yourself.

I have a sister who is dying from colon cancer and a mother newly diagnosed with breast cancer. There was a time (a few weeks ago) when I thought I'd lose it. I took the advice from my husband and children and started meeting a friend for lunch (every week I call another friend), and I try to enjoy myself for the 1 or so while we eat. I also started going for a massage every other week. That has worked wonders. My mental health is better now for it.

Good luck and keep us posted. I'm kind of new, but I hope to be here to help others as I've been helped.

csweens · Regular Joined: 02 Apr 2007 Posts: 29

Hi All -
Thank you for your kind words - thanks Honeysuckle, I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through - I have enough with my Dad, can't imagine if another family member was sick throughout this too - glad to hear that you are taking time for yourself. I've tried to keep doing that - but it's harder now than before.

My Dad is home on hospice - will be 2 weeks tomorrow. He hasn't eaten anything since he got home, does drink sprite from time to time during the day but is wasting away before my eyes. He's at the point that he doesn' t really speak, just kinda mouths the words. I've been trying to help my mom find papers and pay the bills, and try to spend as much time with him as I possibly can - but the pain of seeing him this way is starting to get to me - I can't imagine what is going through his mind - he doesn't want to talk about it - he was always such a strong man and I know he can't want to stay like this, can't imagine that he wanted to go out this way. I just keep telling him that I love him and that I always will.
Sorry, can't stay any longer - gotta get back to him now - thank you all for your prayers, I feel them and it really helps. I have all of you in mine.
Cindy\

In · Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject: Re: Sorry....help......please

Hi, I have been following you and your Dad's story. I'm sorry to hear of your depression etc. Things do get tough. and it's great you got help- and was able to see you needed help. (a brave person)

Good luck and i hope your family finds some peace in all of this. Keep talking and encouraging your dad, But also take time to rest and look after yourself. Your parents are very lucky to have you.- many others don't.

Thinking of you- Inica

P.s please remember that sprite will hydrate- but at least he's dinking something. (if he likes the fizzy, then maybe use sparkle or fizzy water and lemonade additive- cordial.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

brainman · Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:11 pm Post subject: Re: Sorry....help......please

Cindy, my heart breaks for you as I read your last post Sad

. This is such an awful disease. It doesn't sound like your father will live much longer if he does not start eating soon. My love, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your father.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

csweens · Regular Joined: 02 Apr 2007 Posts: 29

Hi All -
Thank you for all your support and kind words - I regret to say that my Dad passed away on Tuesday, Sept. 18th at 11:05pm. My mom and I were with him to the very end and he kept his mind with him as his spirit was leaving. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but it was the most beautiful thing I could do in my life - he was not alone in his final hours and I know that he is at peace. I've never felt such a pain in my heart that makes me feel like I could fall on the floor - but I know that my mom and I did right by him - I told him everything I needed to tell him before he went and now he'll be watching over our family as he did in life. I probably won't be back too much to the forum over the next week or so - we've had to delay the funeral until Monday and Tuesday of next week so that my step-brother and his family have time to arrive from Florida. I am so thankful that I've had this forum to sound off, cry, vent, all of it over the last months - I will return to try and be there for everyone as they were for me - it's an honor to have you all, something I'll never forget - I know some of you know what it is to wish them out of pain and then when it's over change your mind and want them back - that's where I am now - Daddy's girl without her Daddy -
Thank you all once again
Cindy

In · Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:22 am Post subject: Re: Sorry....help......please

Cindy,

I'm so sadden by your news. I'm feeling for you, your Mum, and family. You were blessed your dad had his mind, even though his spirt was going. So many have not got the time all the words to say goodbye. Your Dad will be watching over you and your family. Taking Care of you.

Think of the good times and often.

All my sympathy- Inica
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

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