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carol55
New User
Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:12 am Post subject: Mum has terminal cancer... |
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Hi everyone,
My name's Carolyn and in December 07 my mum found out that she has pancreatic cancer which is terminal. I think it's stage IV as she has small tumours in her liver. She's been on Chemo since January and is doing quite alright, in the most recent CT scan she had one of her liver tumours had actually decreased in size. But she has bad days with alot of pain.
I'm 21 and my parents are separated, I don't have anything to do with my dad and mum is all I have. I live with my mum, I always have and I am terrified about losing her. She's 56 and only a few years ago left my dad who was really abusive to her. A few weeks after mum left my dad tried to commit suicide. Everyday my heart breaks just a little bit more trying to come up with an answer when my mum wonders why this has to happen to her when she has had such a horrible life and was just starting to finally be happy.
I haven't talked to anyone except friends about what's happening. I know I probably should, I really need help. Everyday I just get so caught up in everything I lose sight of what's important. I'm scared that later on I will regret how I approached this time I had with my mum. I just feel so stressed out and sad everyday that I can't think clearly.
Anyone who is in a similair position have any advice for me?
Thanks in advance,
Carolyn |
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brainman
Chief Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 4435
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:28 am Post subject: Re: Mum has terminal cancer... |
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Carolyn, my heart breaks as I read about you and your mother. Pancreatic cancer is one of the worse cancers a person can possibly have because of its devastating effect on the person and the unavailability of good treatment options.
On top of the cancer, it sound like you have some pretty significant family issues to cope with. You most certainly need a good, local support system. We are hear for you but there really is no substitute for a real hug.
It might also be good for you to find a therapist to help you sort through all the emotional issues you are and will be facing. A therapist can also help you identify new and better coping mechanisms to help you through this painful time in your life.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please, feel free to post your concerns and questions as often as you need.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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ksplat
Super Moderator
Joined: 26 Apr 2007
Posts: 575
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 8:56 pm Post subject: Re: Mum has terminal cancer... |
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Dear Carolyn
I am so sorry for the emotional turmoil in your life & with yr Mum's diagnosis being so serious. You really have alot of issues to deal with at the mo & I concur with Jim that you need some counseling/therapy so you can find ways to deal with these issues in a better more productive & positive way.
Thank God you can be there for your Mum, although this will be a huge burden for you I've not doubt you will be the "beacon" for your Mum whilst she is battling her cancer. As long as you have someone else to talk to & offload to. You must nurture yourself whilst loving your Mum.
I was critically ill in 2005 & can relate to your Mum thinking why this would happen to her after suffering/enduring all of her years of abuse & unhappiness. These thoughts consumed me & really affected every part of my life for 12 mths or more. I did seek counselling & was also prescribed anti-depressants. Having always been a positive & happy soul it was extremely foreign to me to be in such a dark place. After seeking help I was soon feeling brighter & being able to talk to someone else about my feelings was such a release!
Please feel free to "offload" here, anytime, about anything. We are a great & close community of patients & their carers/loved ones who are going through similar experiences.
My thoughts & prayers are with you & your Mum.
Cheers, Angie.
_________________
Brother diagnosed with GBMIV Feb 07
Treatment: Radiotherapy, Temodal, Gliadel Wafers, Dexamethasone, Keppra, Dilantin, Clexane
Went to our Heavenly Father after a 19mth battle,, 47 years young.
23 Sep 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227
"Without Faith We Have Nothing" |
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mymaria
Experienced user
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 3:34 am Post subject: Re: Mum has terminal cancer... |
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Carolyn,
My wife is currently battling stage iv breast cancer. Though she is doing very well, I am consumed, at all times of the day, with some level of sadness. Not because she is not making progress, she is, but because of memories of where she was not too long ago when things were not looking good. Sadness because the woman I so dearly love will never be the same...
But in all that sadness, my love for my wife and family drives me! Drives me to make time we have more meaningful, embracing and HOPEFUL! Do that with your mother. Be a strong and loving advocate for your mother, but also find relationships that help you, that comfort you. Friends, other family members, etc.
I know now that part of my "purpose" in this world is to be the best caretaker, advocate for my wife during these trying times. I truly believe that God placed me here, among other things, to be with my Maria during this ordeal. I also believe that you too, have been given a role to envelope your mother with hope, love, support...
As you and your mother, I and my wife also asked the "why me" question. We're are not certain if that has been, or will ever be answered, but it does not stop us from being proactive in our efforts, as a family, to move on with hope and greater love.
My prayers are with you and I am also saddened by your mother's diagnosis and other family issues. As it has been suggested, try to find professional help. Someone to talk to, hug, cry with, etc. If I were there, I would happily be such a friend...
My prayers are with you.
Richard
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Dallas, TX |
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