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What do you do when you just have one of those days? Hopefully someone knows what Im talking about. My mom had a stroke feb 24 2012 and she no longer has the use of her right side of her body. With help she can walk but very little on a good day. Her chemo has made her memory foggy and she has a hard time speaking now. We also just learned her cancer has spread from her lungs to her brain and spinal cord. UGHH If anything else can go wrong it will. Some people just don't get it. I quit my full time job and school to be with my mom 24/7 as her personal care giver. I have people telling me to put her in a home or that tons of people with cancer work...ok understood but every case is different. My own friends wont even come around me anymore..its like there afraid the cancer will spread to them. What do I say to them to ease them into this situation? Ive had one really good friend who is here almost everyday saying hi and bye to my mom because we have been so close for so long, that my mom is kind of like her mom. Other than that everyone else seems useless. I mean I love my mom but I would like some of my friends to come around.
Mom diagnosed November 2011 with Stage 4a NSCLC
Treatment Dec 2011 Gemcitabin, Carboplatin
Radiation soon to start
Tumors shrinking March 2012
Blood Clots found in Right Leg and Lungs March 2012
Loss of mobility, motor control, speech and movement February 24, 2012
Leptomeningeal Mestatic Deposits found April 11, 2012
Radiation Assessment April 18, 2012
Confirmed cancer cells are shrinking April 9, 2012
Shelby the situations a tough one- for one some people are afraid and dont know what to saY,others may feel your so busy that they may be interferring and causeing more stress and others may feel they dont want to stop by in case shes not up for company.
you need to come right out and ask them over.
MOMS Journey
April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
oxyplatin,5fu
Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
oxyplatin,transfusion.
April 07-xeloda-overdose
surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
april10-remission-avistan
oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
Jan-11-5fu
mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
dec-28-blood transfusion
dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
feb16-transfusion
feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
june/15/12-blood transfusion
starting a regimine of celebrex
aug/16/12-blood transfusion
aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
Shelby,
Shiela's hit the nail on the head about friends and so called friends.
Even though your busy 24/7 taking care of your mom, why not pick up the phone and talk to a few of your old friends and just reassure them, ask them to come over for a coffee or whatever.
See if this works as maybe just maybe they think your just too busy looking after mom.
One call may, break the ice so to speak.
At least you have tried and if they don't come over, then you know who is true and who isn't.
Best wishes for your mon and you
Barry
Diagnosed stage 3 March 011
Radical resection April 011
Restaged 2b April 011.
6 months after feeling great.
Recent PET scan indicates no recurrence.
12/09 Colonoscopy clear.
Check CT scans for both CRC and for surgery. All clear
Aortobifemoral surgery 5th May. yughh
Nearly 1 year on and up to now doing great.
Waiting DEXA bone scan
Check my "why does society hate us" for the gist of it though. Sorry to hear about the assorted fools you're running into. Their loss, not yours, ultimately. Hang in there...
I agree with the others . They don't know if they will be in the way, not a good time, extra work for you.
Last edited by Didee; 04-17-2012 at 04:11 AM.
Aussie, age 56, Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
6 chop14 and Neulasta.
Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
Iffy scan Nov. 2011.
Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.
May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma. A lump in otherwords, nodule if you wish to be specific.
Still NED Nov 2012. On to yearly bloods now.
Oh but I have really. Ive tried reaching out to them and time and time again, nothing. My one friend who Ive been so called best friends with for the last like 8 years NEVER calls, even though I call, text and email her everyday. She never responds..even though ive called her house directly and asked to speak to her and I still get sorry shes busy right now. Its so difficult. Like I have one friend who is here everyday and without her I would be lost. Thanks for all the input. I post a lot on here cause I have noone else to turn to it seems.
Mom diagnosed November 2011 with Stage 4a NSCLC
Treatment Dec 2011 Gemcitabin, Carboplatin
Radiation soon to start
Tumors shrinking March 2012
Blood Clots found in Right Leg and Lungs March 2012
Loss of mobility, motor control, speech and movement February 24, 2012
Leptomeningeal Mestatic Deposits found April 11, 2012
Radiation Assessment April 18, 2012
Confirmed cancer cells are shrinking April 9, 2012
Yes, we are here for you and post as much as you like when you need to.
Hugs from Australia.
Aussie, age 56, Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
6 chop14 and Neulasta.
Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
Iffy scan Nov. 2011.
Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.
May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma. A lump in otherwords, nodule if you wish to be specific.
Still NED Nov 2012. On to yearly bloods now.
Oh but I have really. Ive tried reaching out to them and time and time again, nothing. My one friend who Ive been so called best friends with for the last like 8 years NEVER calls, even though I call, text and email her everyday. She never responds..even though ive called her house directly and asked to speak to her and I still get sorry shes busy right now. Its so difficult. Like I have one friend who is here everyday and without her I would be lost. Thanks for all the input. I post a lot on here cause I have noone else to turn to it seems.
I could easily sign my name to this post ie I am experiencing much of the same. Sorry to hear you are too but as I said on that other thread, it appears to be surprisingly common. Funny how you find out who your real friends are, but that's not all bad because you do end up making other friends who are in fact real friends, that you know you can count on. Wishing you better times and better friends! I'm glad this place is here too, it's helped a lot.
shelby- It is true only some truly care-other people only care when something is in it for them.-sadly to say if money was offered to "help" theyd all be there.- doesnt matter The ones that are truly friends will be there. The others? well if they even care a bit the guilts on them- move on and forget about them. you will find new friends along them way. in the meantime do what you feel is best and you have no guilt. Youve already found this forum and altho its not the same as having someone close to you that can reach out and actually give you big hugs of support- you can at least feel the concern and care- so youve added some and can eliminate the others.sometimes you will be able to connect with another at the appointments when you go and sometimes if local they can become one of those caring friends down the line- theres also support groups that can be a possibility.
But you seem to have one good one and that in itself is sometimeimes all one needs .
hang in there. couple of mine dropped off the face of the earth too and only call me to (not ask how moms doing-just to vent their own problems) but I being me listen I wont be like them because its not in me to be that way. I have no guilt and dont take it as being used. its just hurtfull but its on them not me.
MOMS Journey
April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
oxyplatin,5fu
Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
oxyplatin,transfusion.
April 07-xeloda-overdose
surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
april10-remission-avistan
oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
Jan-11-5fu
mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
dec-28-blood transfusion
dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
feb16-transfusion
feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
june/15/12-blood transfusion
starting a regimine of celebrex
aug/16/12-blood transfusion
aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
Thanks for all the support. Dont know what I would do without you guys here. lol
Mom diagnosed November 2011 with Stage 4a NSCLC
Treatment Dec 2011 Gemcitabin, Carboplatin
Radiation soon to start
Tumors shrinking March 2012
Blood Clots found in Right Leg and Lungs March 2012
Loss of mobility, motor control, speech and movement February 24, 2012
Leptomeningeal Mestatic Deposits found April 11, 2012
Radiation Assessment April 18, 2012
Confirmed cancer cells are shrinking April 9, 2012
Other than that everyone else seems useless. I mean I love my mom but I would like some of my friends to come around.
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Originally Posted by Shelbywi
