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Thread: Dear cancer...You suck...that is all

  1. #1
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    Dear cancer...You suck...that is all

    Ever been so tired down to your very bones?! That's where I am right now and this stupid insomnia is only making it harder. I hope that I don't ramble on too much, but I wanted to purge so that maybe, just maybe my brain will shut off. I was told I needed to find a support group but for some reason I'm not wanting to go out and do that just yet. i thought since I'm better at writing my words/feelings than actually verbalizing them I could still connect with others who get where I'm coming from.
    I am the primary care giver to my mom (70) who has stage 4 metastatic colon cancer that has spread to her liver, which has 30-40 mets (stupid terminology I would've been happier not knowing in my life) on it and she has decided against treatment because she wants quality rather than quantity time

    As I read that I'm struck with the thought of
    whatever happened to introducing yourself by saying, I'm an only child to my loving mom, wife to an awesome man, mom to some really great kids and a pretty successful self employed house cleaner with 16+ clients. Cancer really does invade every facet of your life doesn't it?!
    It's been a rough road these last few months...my gramma (my mom's mom) died in October just shy of her 105th birthday, my mom fell and broke her hip while crossing a slippery street in town, a surgery to repair said hip, a diagnosis of AFib which resulted in blood thinners and very frequent blood work to make sure her INR was acceptable for her condition and she had to give up her freedom and move in with us.

    Fast forward to December when she had what we thought was the flu but it kept coming and going. I finally convinced her to go to the ER on Boxing Day because I felt deep down there was something very wrong. I was prepared to hear she had a blockage (cancer didn't enter my mind at this point) sadly that was only part of the reality.
    The doc ran some blood work and it came back with something that suggested gallbladder issues. He ordered an ultrasound, which thankfully we got in the next day. We were then sent back to ER to get those results. It showed the mets and the doctor said it was a secondary site so he ordered a CT scan to get the full picture. Again we got in the next day, sent back to ER where we were given the whole story...the blockage, the mets, the finality of it and the lack of cure. I was devastated. We were set up with a colonoscopy ASAP and then it felt like time stood still. Up until then it seemed everything was flying at us full speed and then nothing. No actual diagnosis, no prognosis, we felt so frustrated that we didn't have all the answers. We wanted answers but we trusted God and were filled with peace about everything, including quitting all of my clients so that in the end I would have no regrets.
    We finally got the colonoscopy results back and she was fully obstructed and needed surgery ASAP. Unfortunately the blood thinners prevented anything from happening till Thursday.
    That afternoon she went downhill very quickly...her heart rate was anywhere from 98-180, she was throwing up, lots of pain and just out of it. They were all concerned about whether or not she would make it through surgery. We needed to discuss DNRs and her wishes, which is a horrible thing to think about never mind having to live it. We said our goodbyes and left her in the OR not knowing if I would see her again. I didn't know what to pray for because watching my mom suffer like that was horrible but it was my youngest daughter's 10th birthday and that would be horrible for her.
    God was watching over her and despite the fact that after surgery they were having a hard time stabilizing her because of a heart rate that was all over and barely a pressure, the surgery was successful. I had my friends bring the kids in because I didn't want them to have regrets but they didn't make it before she went for surgery which was a God thing as well. My youngest had a difficult time seeing gramma with an NG tube, two arms with IVs, heart monitors beeping and everything else going on, so had she been there before surgery I'm sure that would've traumatized her. I will never forget the look of pure amazed joy when my mom saw me beside her bed in the ICU, she even tried to push herself up so she could kiss me and grab onto me.
    That was two weeks ago...seems hard to believe that she went from there to home in a week. She's doing pretty well. No more pain so that's such a blessing. She's cold all of the time. She's so tired which I can only assume is a combination of the trauma she sustained prior to and after her surgery and the cancer.
    I'm a details gal and would like to know what I can expect but cancer isn't predictable. The doc said 6-9 months but I think 6 months is generous...but I'm not God so we'll just have to take it as it comes and enjoying every day that he gives us to spend together.
    My mom would like to stay here as long as we can handle it. And as long as my kids are handling it ok then i want her to be able to pass away here. We've talked about so many things like funeral etc but I'm not sure you can ever prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one. My awesome husband? He in his infinite wisdom said that we needed to make a switch because if my mom were to pass away in my daughters room, she wouldn't go back in there. So mom is in our room and I've set up camp in my daughters room (she has been sharing with her younger sister since mom moved in. But the official story is that she has more room for equipment and her own bathroom.
    I'm worried most about having to watch my mother die...it's a reality that is too hard to face right now. I have my good days and bad but God is putting people in my path that help, that pray, that check up on me and he has given us a peace that surpasses all understanding. And for that I am grateful because in all of this the one constant is that He is here walking with us in the valley and holding moms hand the whole way home.
    I'm sorry this post is so long but I needed to put it out there and maybe I wouldn't feel so alone some days and maybe I can get past these feeling like I'm failing miserably...some days I think I'm losing my mind

  2. #2
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    Hi cjcapps,

    Welcome to our forum but so very sorry for the reason you are here. It's sounds like you have all been through an awful time in short order. Cancer is just a horrible unfair disease that wreaks havoc in it's path. I well remember the bone weary tiredness that came soon after my Dad's stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. My faith, family and this forum is the only way I made it through. It was the saddest thing I have ever lived through. Try not to dwell on what the future will bring. Stay in today and live each day as a gift. Make the most of the time you have left with her. If you want to read a real story of hope..go to the Colon Cancer section of the forum and read Sheila's story about her amazing Mom's journey with stage 4 colon cancer. Please keep us posted on how you both are doing. We'll do our best to help you through. God Bless.

    Irish
    Irish,
    Caregiver to my Dad, who was diagnosed in June 2010 with Stage 1V NSCLC with single met to brain,
    He sadly lost his battle in August 2010 and we miss his smiling Irish blue eyes terribly.
    My Dad's story:
    http://www.cancerforums.net/threads/...th-how-he-died.

  3. #3
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    Thank you Irish
    You are so right about living in today...we are definitely trying to do that. I think some of my looking too far ahead has to do with the fact that my mom and I haven't always had the best relationship...she had her issues and I had mine. I finally have my mom back and now faced with the impending loss I just want to make sure I don't miss any more time with her. Most days I'm good but sometimes my fears get the better of me. We are hoping that next week she will feel up to taking a day trip out to the mountains but if not we're happy to stay home and watch the food channel . I know that I would be lost without my faith, my tight little family and my church family as well. Moms strength and peace through all this serves as a reminder to me that God is walking with us. Mom is doing well. We are on our way to see if she can more staples out today. She is having a lot of drainage still from her incision so I don't think she will lose too many more. Right now the only thing to "worry" about is making sure her incision doesn't become infected...and considering where we were a month ago with her, that is a huge blessing I will gladly take.
    I will definitely check out that story you told me about as well. Have a good day and a good weekend.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
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    cj- Im sorry to hear of all the stress in your life. I swear it doesnt rain anymore it pours! sounds as if your family and faith are holding you together -to me thats important as well. Its so hard being the strong one when we relied on our parents for so long.- I dont care what ones age is role reversal is just plain awfull.
    something we dont think about as we are maturing untill one day...it hits you like a punch in the gut.
    I hope they are taking care of your mom as best they can and that she is recovering from her surgery. dont worry we all vent here and your more than welcome to join in. The larger our group the more support the sronger we become
    when we have stressfull times -besides friends and family- we know our forum cares too. hang in there and hope she gets well enough to take that trip with you. If you cant make that trip maybe you can look through some pics together from a prior trip ........then watch the food channel.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  5. #5
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    Thanks Sheila
    It's true the role reversal sucks...though I have been "taking care" of her since I was young but that was then and this is now. She spent 14 years of having surgeries to did out why she couldn't get pregnant and being on an adoption waiting list. Add to that a marriage that was crumbling which resulted in him having an affair and marrying her who could have a baby. I spent a lot of my teen years being resentful for not having a childhood, but as I got older I understood that she did the best she could at the time and I'm sure that she had depression, which of course wasn't treated back then or even acknowledged, so they medicated her in other ways. Anyways I let that go a long time ago and I'm glad that we have the relationship that we do now. There's so many people that don't understand and are like wow that's a lot of work etc, but I feel like it's the least I could do cuz she loved me no matter what when lots of people didn't. I'm glad I'm able to do this for her, plus my kids see how important family is and how quickly things change.
    You're so right...it does pour Which is evident because here I sit in the ER with my son, who has had severe pain in his ear since 3am. I was hoping it would go away but not so much. I haven't seen him in this much pain since he spiral fractured his tibia two years ago. I know that it's fairly minor in the grand scheme of things but I'm just emotionally spent and physically exhausted because I can't sleep at night. I know that God is here and I try to focus on Him but things keep getting thrown in the way and sometimes it's hard to see through the veil of tears. It's funny as I write that it's like really...crying over this? Sounds rather minute compared to everything else going on, but today I'm just tired of being the strong one.
    So I packed up 5 of the kids and headed into town. Got ryan into the ER and then took the kids over to church where I needed to be to be able to make an announcement for our youth group, left the kids there and now I sit at the hospital while ryan is finally sleeping after they h
    gave him some pain relievers. Soon I'll head back to pick up the other kids and lucky for them they get to sit here and wait too. These are the days I wish I didn't live 20 min out of town or that gas wasn't as high as it is. With me not working anymore it's a balancing act to stay afloat and dig out from getting behind.
    I'm sorry there are so many stories on here that rip your heart out and punch you in the gut (yours included) that are far worse than what today has brought.
    Maybe I'm whining about all these trivial things because I refuse to complain about my moms condition. I will not look at it like it's a burden for me to bear or like I'm being put out. That and I think it makes me feel "normal" again cuz things aren't ever going to be normal again...or at least not the normal I've known. It's hard too cuz people don't know what to say and feel like they have to say something so they either avoid you or say the dumbest things. Or the people that take on tasks that are mine because they are trying to make it easier on me. If I want you to make it easier than I'll ask otherwise let me have something that doesn't revolve around my mother dying from cancer.
    Well I think that's enough spewing for now...I feel horrible when I do cuz I sound like such an angry person but I'm really not I just hate this situation. Though I guess better to unleash it here rather than on say or do something I'll regret or can't take back
    This will get better

  6. #6
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
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    well ya know -for one doesnt matter how minor it apprears what one vents about- because in fact once we are weakend by the first big blow and it continues to hit us -sometimes that last little thing(which we normally would blow off as oh well) we crash with it as if it was the heaviest burden.
    It all adds up and its all stress..we just got to keep picking ourselves up. even if its ever so slowly and keep trudging up the hill looking forward to any little geeze give us a break!
    people I use to get upset with the ones that say the dumbest things -but really? we need to give them credit for making the approach effort and caring.
    The dumber the comment the harder it was for them to approach- look at it that way and it will make you appreciate and smile anyway. hope your sons feeling better and sounds like you need a good nights sleep hang in there and keep us posted.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  7. #7
    Experienced User
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    Feb 2013
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    Alberta
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    Sheila you are so right and a good perspective for me to see...cuz I never thought of it like that. Thankfully my close friends have been great but there's some people that avoid me or us altogether because they don't know what to say. I understand the lack of words...my friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and I didn't know what to say cuz I felt like it had to be eloquent. I finally realized with her tho that it didn't have to be cancer related and sometimes those were the best conversations cuz when for 2 hours you got to escape the reality. I so badly want to say I'm still me but I also know that I think things through entirely more than I need to and I can't expect everyone to figure it all out...it just hurts.
    Thankfully Ryan's problem was just an ear infection, tho they are monitoring his BP cuz it was crazy high but not unusual if you've been going through so much pain. Ha and wouldn't you know it my daughter is now saying her ear hurts. Raegyn hasn't been in as much pain so i think its more to do with her having gone swimming yesterday. We had a nice afternoon at home...I introduced my kids to 24 (that's right up their alley). Mom was good today so it was a good day. Hope you had a good day.
    Tomorrow will be an awesome day cuz my husband will be home again finally...a week doesn't seem long until you're missing someone and dealing with a plate that is piled high. I'm not complaining tho cuz this job has enabled me to be able to quit my jobs and stay with my mom, so it's been a blessing.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
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    bethel park pa
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    CJ- arent you fortunate to have children to distract your thoughts for brief moments and a husband you can lean on? some people are going through this alone- can you imagine? maybe the water had some bacteria in it since they both had an ear problem- share some of that plate with your husband -not too comfortable when you have to consume it all. hang in there and hope your mom has some better days to look forward to. however far a few between they may be. she has your support and Im sure thats comforting for her. keep us posted on how shes doing.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  9. #9
    Experienced User
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    Feb 2013
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    65
    Sheila you are so right...I couldn't imagine how hard this would be without having my kids, my husband, my friends and my mom. I am getting better but I have my days that I'm overwhelmed and I know that I have a hard time sharing the load because its my load and everyone had their own stuff to deal with..I know that's my issue not theirs and I have to work that out. Mom is doing pretty good, still no pain so that is a huge blessing and relief. Seeing her before her surgery (not knowing she needed surgery because in December it wasn't blocked) I was praying that God would just take her home because she was suffering so bad...and I didn't know how to watch that agony so the surgery was definitely a good thing. So far no pain meds but she does take a sleeping pill at night though her throat hasn't really healed yet (from the NG tube) because she has a hard time getting pills down, so we'll see if we can get her something better for her. I notice she's sleeping more often and her coloring is off (she looks more "tanned") and she doesn't have much of an appetite but she's still here and we make the most of it...even if it means I'm helping her go through 15 years of paperwork that she saved that she didn't need to lol. We're going to see if she's feeling up to watching my son play their last home game tonight. Have a good day

  10. #10
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
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    cj- some chemos give that darkened appearance on the skin- also if the liver isnt up to par or is strugging getting rid of toxins a yellowish tanish appearance will show as well. moms complexion never looks right anymore. also left her with some darker pigmentations that actually never went away Hope she is able to enjoy the game maybe if she rests up enough she might just want to do something to take her mind off things for a bit.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  11. #11
    Experienced User
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    65
    Thanks Sheila
    My mom hasn't had any chemo treatments and won't be doing any...though we do have an appointment in two weeks at the cancer clinic but that's mostly because they have hounded her since before she left the hospital. So we'll go and listen to what they have to say but unless they have some different options and numbers than we've already been given, she won't be changing her mind. The homecare nurse has said mom is showing early signs of jaundice in the whites of her eyes but so far she hasn't had any pain or issues, which has been an answer to prayer and a huge blessing. She did have an issue on Sunday with fairly strong pain but she took her pills and slept whatever it was off. We have an appointment this week to see her doctor. I have noticed that she's been more confused lately and also definitely her emotions are all over the place...of course totally normal, but it's hard watching your mom weep like that. I comfor her as best as I can and we can't avoid all these feelings that come along with this journey. We mostly have good days though and I'm hoping next week when my husband is home, she will feel up to an outing to the mountains or something. Up until now she's only felt up to quick appointments or trips to town. So thankful that last week my husband and I cleaned out her storage unit she's had for 6 years (since moving accross the country to live closer to me). We managed to combine most of it into her other storage unit that we had to move her apartment into when all this happened. It was difficult because it feels so final but it was hard for her too because I did donate a lot of things and it's such a shame that it took her getting this crappy diagnosis to getting it done...but can't change the past so we continue to put one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Oh and mom did watch the bball game and got to see him score a few baskets and they won their last home game. It's moments like that that help us remember the important stuff and take the attention away from the c-word.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    bethel park pa
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    6,641
    I pray she has many more pain free days Its great she has your support. you are doing the best you can for her just by tyaking the journey with her. hang in there. I have found mom wants to know where her things will be going and she is weeding out things a bit at a time, she already asked us about her jewery and most personal items and knows where they will be going-the things we dont want. gives her some peace of mind.-hey do whatever makes her feel better.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  13. #13
    Experienced User
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    Feb 2013
    Location
    Alberta
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    I am so beyond thankful that she's been blessed with pain free days. I have noticed that she's getting more tired during the day but she really hasn't let it stop her. Unfortunately having 6 kids in school means the germs find their way to our house, mom is starting to get a cold. I'm praying that it doesn't give her too much trouble. Thankfully she's been going through years and years of paperwork so that's one less thing for me to deal with later. She wanted to make sure she dealt with THE BOX...the one that held every nasty correspondence between my parents, notes, journals and paperwork from the lawyers. She said she was NOT going to make me do that because it would be unfair to me...no matter how sick they are always our moms right?!
    She hasn't really discussed jewelry and things like that to give to the grandkids...her protests have mainly been for inconsequential (to me anyways) like old clothes that had been in storage for a few years or her crafting stuff. I know she's seeing all these things that she wanted to do and never got to do and what a waste...and why did it take getting sick to clean out that unit? She definitely has a right to those feelings because this of course is not what anyone has planned for in life. I let her talk about stuff and also go through some of it with her so she can see that I'm not just dumping all her stuff. So far it's been working pretty good. We've had some great conversations and sometimes because she isn't in pain anymore, I almost forget that she's sick. Of course there is always something that will bring the into focus...like today we were talking about my sons upcoming trip with school to France. She wants to send him extra money for souvenirs. He's been bent on trying to figure out what mom wants from there and to her it feels like a waste for him to do that. Finally I did say to her just let him do it...he wants to and maybe he needs to. Then she said well I try to keep it even but I guess I won't be able to do that for the others if they go. Sigh...reality really sucks.
    One day at a time...it's definitely a journey, one that I feel totally unqualified for. I thank God for the strength He gives me because on my own I'd be lost.
    I hope you have a good weekend. It's been a busy couple days for mom so we're kicking back and watching some movies with the kids.
    I'm glad your moms doc appointment went well. Praying for you all.

  14. #14
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    Jan 2013
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    Lake Jackson, Texas
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    cjcapps,

    I am just reading your story and I can so relate. I was the caregiver to my m-i-l for 3 years of her being bed bound before she passed away Nov. 2011. I am now the caregiver for my 34 year old son who has stage IV colon cancer. He had a colon resection, chemo, liver resection, chemo, splenic embolization, and more chem which he is still taking. I, too, have 6 kids who are grown, and have the guardianship for our orphaned nephew who is 11. I, too, am blessed with a very supportive, hard working husband who allowed me to quit working to care for his mom and our nephew and now my son. My m-i-l was a pack rat who had many unfinished projects and much paperwork that we are still finishing up.
    You are doing a great job. I struggled with the overwhelming load of things to do and balance as I faced my m-i-l end times. We did eventually have her on hospice in our home. They were a great help. There was a rightness about the process within the home setting and lessons we all learned. You will make the right the decisions when the time comes. Prayers.

  15. #15
    Experienced User
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    Feb 2013
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    Alberta
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    Ash8572
    Thank you for your kind words...finding this site has been a huge blessing to be able to talk to people that understand exactly the thoughts and feelings that go along on the journey that is cancer. You are an immensely strong person to have travelled the road you are on...and it's still ongoing for you. I'm sorry to hear about your son...that's got to be the hardest seeing your child that way. I know when my uncle died my gramma (who was 95 at the time) said that was the hardest thing to watch the cancer steal him away.
    There are some days that I could almost "forget" that she has cancer because she's been "well" since her operation but this last month she has been having more pain again. Thankfully nothing like she experienced with the blockage and she's only had to medicate herself for it a couple of times but it's another decline for her. Someone summed it up that it almost feels like you're in a death waiting room...waiting and wondering when. We are Christians and I believe that only God knows when it will come but at the same time I feel almost frozen...just waiting. I don't want to be that way because I don't want cancer to steal this time that we've been blessed with but...well I can't really describe the feelings I have surging through me on any given day. I've had so many emotions since December 27 but I "accepted" it pretty early on which had to be a God given peace because left to my own devices I get mad (like white hot want to scream mad), which is what happened last week when we went to the cancer clinic. It didn't help that some "liaison" that didn't even introduce herself called me a spoiled child when she heard that I was an only child and was adopted...I think she was trying to be funny but ya not so much...and it just went downhill from there. Oops
    I love my mom and I still have a hard time imagining my life without her here. It hit me the other day that we are already 3 months into a 6-9 month diagnosis and while I KNOW that only God knows when he will take her home, I feel like time is slipping through my fingers.
    How are you doing? How's your son? When was he diagnosed? I totally agree with you about the rightness of the situation of having my mom home with us till the end. I know it wont be easy but i want to make this as peaceful as i can for her as well as my family.
    Thank you again for your encouraging words. I appreciate them because not everyone is understanding of choices that my mom and I have made (ie no treatment or my husband not being home enough) and feel the need to tell you exactly how it should be done...I've come to realize that everyone's situation is not the same and can't be compared or judged. I hope that you are doing as well as you can be under the circumstances. I will pray for you and your family as you travel this journey.

  16. #16
    Regular User teripat1912's Avatar
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    Sep 2012
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    Central Queensland
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    Dear cjcapps, your mother family and you are in my prayers. I can relate to how difficult this time is and am glad that you have a supportive husband and family. I do not live close to my Mum and have been spending two weeks out of six with her and my father, it is very draining I want to be with Mum all the time to help her, Unfortunately Dad is kind of old school and still expects Mum to wait on him which I personally find extremely difficult, thing is Mum wants to, even when she is in extreme pain Mum never complains and God help me I feel like screaming at my Dad which will only upset my Mum so as much as I want to be with Mum I cannot take it.... God bless you

  17. #17
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    Ontario Canada
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    ((hugs)) CJ... unfortunately I can sooooo relate to your situation. You know in your head all that you have to say, do and even think... it's the heart that gets in the way
    My father was diagnosed with stomach cancer early 2012, my mom with multiple myleoma in August 2012 and my younger brother with a squaumous myleoma in December 2012! My parents were able to rely on both my brother and I, however he has undergone intensive treatment, so it has fallen upon me.
    The unrelenting fatigue and inability to "turn off" your mind, the fear, the uncertainty, the reality, the surrealness of it all, the guilt, the helplessness... wish there was a pill for all of that
    I have found that talking about it helps so much, however you must be aware of "who" you can speak to about it. This forum is a good start. I've personally made counselling a priority. Great opportunity to "dump" and not worry of becoming "too heavy" for those who mean well but can't give you what you seek... A place to safely be sad, angry, hopeful, cheerful, selfish, distraught.... and sometimes all at the same time
    Cancer is invasive. However I remain grateful that I have "moments" with my loved ones... and will continuously try to "push aside" all the pain that wants to wash over me.
    Please continue to dump... it's never "too heavy" for anyone here... we need to remain healthy to be the best we can be to the ones who need us.
    Hang in there
    Father 81 treated for Stomach cancer - April 2012. Prognosis - good
    Mother 74 being treated for Multiple Myleoma - ongoing. Prognosis - 1 year or more hopefully
    Brother 44 treated for Sqaumous Myleoma - February 2013. Prognosis - to be determined
    Caregiver to parents - holding my own

    Hope lives on
    Cookie Crumbs

  18. #18
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    bethel park pa
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    6,641
    CJ- thinking of you and your mom tonight and about that cleaning out? you know I think its an instinct type thing that occurs -mom has cleared so much stuff out and gave alot away already. she always cleaned constantly never let stuff build up- she said I want to get rid of and donate what I am not needing any longer I want my family to have certain things and she gets a satisfaction and content feeling "knowing" what is going to happen to her things when she is gone we were told she does not want a garage or house sell she doesnt want nebby people going through her things and what we dont want and my friends dont want the rest gets donated.-ah- thats simple thats her wish. thats exactly whats going to happen- but I think they need to do that. one of those small bucket list type things.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

  19. #19
    Experienced User
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    Feb 2013
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    Alberta
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    I have tried to write this over and over again and nothing seems right...I have so much swirling in my head and nothing at the same time.

    Thank you for your encouraging words. I know I'm not the one who is sick so I have a hard time admitting that some days I just want to scream and yell and sit in my room alone. I think to a certain extent I feel guilty because after all this is said and done, my life will go back to "normal" and my mom will be gone. When we were at the cancer clinic I was reminded once again that she has 6-9 months and then it hit me...that's from diagnosis, not from date of acceptance. (duh right?!) We are 3 months into this already. I know that God does not stick to a doctors timetable, so it could be much more or much less, but the knowledge that time is quickly passing by, makes me a little panicky almost. I really try to not focus on the days/weeks/months ahead but as I see mom getting weaker, more tired, losing more weight and having pain almost everyday it's hard some days to rely solely on faith. I see all these symptoms/progressions and wonder how much longer even though I KNOW that it will happen when God calls her home and no matter how hard I try I won't be able to predict it. I'm really trying to enjoy the present but it feels stifling in the "waiting room".
    I appreciate so much that we have a place here that we can spew and vent and be understood. I have a great friend base and my husband has been awesome but as great as they are, they don't understand. I have looked into counselling because I generally tend to bottle things up (and at this point you're thinking i doubt that lol) and I know me...I will crash and burn at some point. I think this past week has been rough mainly because I'm not feeling well (hurt my back) and in pain and well kinda...cranky I guess. Then I feel bad because of that and well I guess I tend to be really hard on myself. Anyways...suck it up cj and move on.
    Like I said mom is still doing pretty good. She is having pain on her right side that was fairly infrequent a month and a half ago, but it is now a daily thing. Thankfully most days she's been able to "ignore" the pain...mainly because she doesn't want to get knocked out by her meds and spend all day in bed. She is also getting more confused and has some trouble remembering some things. Also she seems...I don't know how to explain it but kinda like she's given up and just done...vacant maybe? We've talked to her about taking a drive to the mountains (she loved it there in December) but she doesn't think it's a good idea because she's concerned about what happens if her pain gets really bad. We said we'd just go home then...oh but that's a waste of gas. OY Always a mom We did discuss her and I traveling back to Ontario to visit with some family but she's not interested and honestly I don't think she wants people to remember her that way. Thankfully she was just there in October sorting through her moms stuff after her funeral and saw everyone then.

    Teri, I can imagine how difficult it is to be far away from your mom. I'm sorry that when you are home you're seeing the situation and it makes it even more stressful for you. Your mom must also be a strong woman to be able to keep doing all she does. I know that I am very blessed to be able to have my mom living with us...being away would make it even more difficult. I am praying for you that things will be better so that you can be with your mom as much as possible and I will pray for your mom and family as well.

    Cookie...well I really shouldn't be complaining should I?! Wow you have been dealt blow after blow. You are very strong (even though I'm sure it feels like you aren't) and should be proud of all you're doing for your family. Cancer really invades not only your body but your life and the lives of those around you...my 10 year old said it best when she said "mom I hate cancer". We are also grateful for these times...this is time we won't have again. So even if we are just sitting and watching Ellen, its a memory moment that we'll be able to smile about on the dark days.

    Sheila, you're so right about the cleaning out. She is going through boxes and papers like crazy the only problem is she's handing it to me saying here where do you want this. Oh well, she's definitely trying to make sure that I won't be inundated with stuff after she's gone...and I appreciate that because I'm not joking...she had statements and bills (as well as warranties of things she no longer owned) going as far back as 1980. Yikes. It was worth the money to haul it to town and pay to get it shredded otherwise I'd still be sitting there
    I guess similar to the nesting a mom does before a baby comes. I thought though that she would be more interested in deciding on the jewelry and those types of things but she'd rather go through old boxes.
    Actually today we came across an old album of cards and letters from her engagement-shower-wedding...no idea what to do with that since it doesn't evoke happy memories for her. Again oh well, I am doing whatever she wants because pretty soon I won't have my mom "nagging" at me about all the things that normally would drive me nuts.

    Sorry this post is ridiculously long...I had to purge I suppose. Thanks for listening and for your prayers. I appreciate it more than I could say...though I think you understand exactly what I mean.

    My kids are on spring break this week (YAY) and my oldest went to France with his school. I'm so proud of him...he paid for most of the hefty trip himself. He's having a blast and I'm only a little jealous It's almost April and finally seeing signs of spring...though I'm not holding my breath about no more snow. I always look forward to April because it seems we are on the downhill slide for the end of school...this year though is different and I'm wishing I could dig my heels in and slow it down.
    Hope you all have a blessed Easter!!

  20. #20
    Super Moderator Top User sheila's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
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    bethel park pa
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    6,641
    Happy Easter to you and yours as well- It does feel great to vent seems Im doing alot of that lately- but hey-great stress release- I always feel better just knowing someone is listening understand my feelings. I think you vented well
    If your mom wants to give you something that noone eles will take- take it it will make her feel better- I have purses she wanted me to take - I never promised Id use them but if I know someone that can it will be theirs, hay all they want is to see its not going in the trash. Ill stash it at my house and eventually when I donate it will go to good use- mom gives to charities and donate things now we just know where its going.
    thats an important thing on their so called bucket list.
    Let her go through things as she wants dont prompt her to go through things you want -she already knows what she has up front- she knows that she needs to clear things out and check to see if anything of importance is lurking in hidden corners attics garages etc that may have been one time put away for safe keeping. by going through all this it takes some stress off of them. take it as it comes. hang in there everything down to your emotional state sounds like the normal pattern of progression with all involved - by no means easy take care of yourself sleep eat and function as well as your able the best thing you can do for her its called role reversal- mom needs us now.
    MOMS Journey
    April06- Emergencysurgery,exploratory,10units blood,largetumor and 10inches of colon removed,temp.colostomy.diagnosed stage IV colon.
    oxyplatin,5fu
    Oct06-radiation,surgery,several lymphs,cervix,1 ovary,fallopian,40% remaining colon,large tumor to adipose tissue,appendix,gallbladder removed.permant colostomy/iliostomy
    oxyplatin,transfusion.
    April 07-xeloda-overdose
    surgery-1/3liver,partial diaphra, removed clipped and questionable spots oblated.
    port-port rejection-port removed 1week.
    picc line,5fu,oxyplatin,camptosar.
    Oct-08-surgery-remaining ovary engulfed in tumor,partial bone scrape.
    transfusion central line TPN 1 month.
    oct-09-surgery tumor ,colon and jejuneum removed.
    xeloda reduced. severe dehydration,heart attack.
    april10-remission-avistan
    oct-10-erbitux,camptosar
    Jan-11-5fu
    mar-11 return to original site-oxyplatin,5fu
    Aug-11-erbitux,camptosar.
    dec-28-blood transfusion
    dec-30-back to chemo erbitux camtosar
    Jan-16 injections neulasta and aranesp
    feb16-transfusion
    feb 21-Tumor found stomach,liver, and liver "hot spots" inflamed lymph in rt ureter in kidney causing obstruction-surgery schedualed Mar 16.
    march 16/12-no more kidney obstruction not lymph ...dehydration is causing blockage, two litters blood for anemia, stomach liver tumor small-med,abalation, 1 hidden tumor deep in muscle mass on side flank(hid from scans) -gone!
    june/15/12-blood transfusion
    starting a regimine of celebrex
    aug/16/12-blood transfusion
    aug/30-12 discontinued celebrex -failure one kidney. needed to see urologist
    sept/10-12-good urologist report one kidney functioning well for now.
    oct/23/12-chemo pill Stivarga(regorafenib)
    Nov/22/12-blood transfusion
    dec/18/12-blood transfusion chemo pill dosage cut back to 1 pill.
    Feb/21/13 neulasta injection
    Feb/22/13-blood transfusion. still taking stivarga.
    mar/20/13-arenespt injection rehydration and magnesium IV
    mar/21/13-acute renal failure-kidney infection
    april/1/13.-recovery from 4 day coma infection cleared/4 units blood/ off stivarga/starting rehab therapy,
    swollen hand no apparent reason black spots in vision off and on. both cleared up.
    may/22/13-home oxycodone for pain shoulder neck arm
    june/1/13 pain subsided off oxy onto aleve
    june/09/13-pain back off aleve on vicodin
    june 10/13-cancer in back/neck- starting radiation for arm neck and shoulder pain.
    june24/13-last day of radiation-on steroids
    july1/13-swollen legs and feet-lasix off steroids still on vicodin and xanax
    july 23/13 vicodin cut in half blood transfusion.
    sept/6/13-off all pain meds since late aug
    scan results fracture in spine mid back
    sept/12/13-spine healing on its own,weaning off steroids, no visible tumors.
    nov/7/13-edema both legs and one arm on lasix since oct.
    nov/21/13- leg edema subsiding still alot in one arm- she is talking but keeps her eyes closed. achy but no major pain. nurse and aide to visit once a week schedualed. having trouble standing.
    nov/24/13-sadly but peacefully moms cancer journey is at an end, she will start her new spiritual journey together hand in hand with dad.

 
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