<u>Updated:</u> I felt the need to update this because it gives the wrong impression in a few places. I don't want anyone to take this as "gospel", just a snapshot of my experience and mindset at the time.
Well, I was pointed to this site by the changelog of Patrick Volkerding and his Slackware Linux Operating System. I just switched over to his Linux distrobution right before my severe fit of seizures came out of the blue one Sunday night. I was wondering why my eyes seemed to be trying to go out of alignment. I was getting no headaches. One moment I'm waking up from watching the movie "Big Fish". I realized it was 12:30 and it was way past time to go to bed to get ready for work in the morning. It had been a really great day. I remember starting off for bed. I was heading for the house alarm to set it to "stay". I was in the process of going to the bedroom.
EDIT: This is what it felt like. One moment I'm in the living room, the next I'm in the hospital with failing kidneys caused by the severe seizures I had.
I was waking up in the hospital with my wife holding my hand and explaining that I had really scared her. That was two days later. Suddenly, all of my family and friends were in the room. I was wondering how they all got there so fast from Dallas, Tulsa and St. Louis. It was so good to see everyone at the same time, that it didn't really even hit me that hard when my wife told me I had a tumor and the doctor needed to operate next week. "Let's get it done now and go home. Why the wait?" It still feels like someone flipped a switch and reality shifted. Did everything before I woke up in the hospital really happen. It's like I'm going from reading the book of Luke then reading Romans without ever experiencing the book of Acts. "Who is this Paul guy?-
EDIT: It was Luke that wrote Acts, the book that introduced Paul. Paul, of course, wrote Romans.
-How did I get to the hospital?" I didn't experience it or remember it. There are a few things that happened Sunday that I had no recollection of. It took me a while to remember any of it. When my wife was asking me about some of it, I didn't remember watching "Big Fish" at all. I didn't remember a group marriage counseling meeting where we watched a video. I remember the counseling video, now, but just a few scenes from "Big Fish". Well, I might have slept through some of it.
I am now on Dilantin for seizures, now. I haven't had a seizure, thankfully, since getting on the medicine. I had the operation and was informed that the tumor is a low grade oligodendroglioma. Beyond that, I somehow only heard what I wanted to hear. I heard that it was very treatable. I heard that it was slow growing. I heard that we would most likely be able to kill it altogether. I heard that if I was active, the side effects would be minimal.
EDIT: Take the following with a grain of salt. It's not a 10 year death sentence and I don't want to rob anyone of hope. This is just how I was feeling at the time and based on Google searches. A doctor will tell you that there are multiple treatments that can be tried and just because one may not work anymore, another one may. My most recent Neurosurgeon was not afraid to tell me that I could even live my full normal lifetime.
What I didn't hear is that the almost certain recurrence is not treatable, that the recurrence does not respond to the same treatment as the initial tumor. I just realized a week or two ago that I was on a 10 year death sentence. That hit me a little bit for something that I have been treated for for the past 5 months. I discussed it with my wife and got her crying again. At least now, since I understand the gravity of the situation, I adjusted my stratagy for 401K. I'm not on the long term plan anymore. I don't need to worry about what car I'm going to own after my school loans are paid off. I'm very glad I got life insurance a few months before my diagnosis. My family will be taken care of.
EDIT: I started living life again and I did buy my dream car, a Subaru Outback. In spite of the economy, my 401K is doing all right also. I managed to time the stock market bottom pretty well.
I'm now on the PCV plan. It should easily remove the initial tumor and I'll have a few good years of healthy living. My body is handling the Lomustine, Vincristine and Procarbazine very well and I'm staying active. My blood levels are in healthy ranges and the tumor is shrinking. The initial experience has removed from me most any fear of passing. It also seems to have removed some of my fear of living. This brain tumor to me is a gift. The world seems brighter and more full of color. I am now able to focus on the things that are important. I am starting to take more time to spend with friends and family. My unemotional father and brothers are starting to show more feeling and emotion. I am starting to show more feeling and emotion.
My family and church are praying for a complete healing, for the tumor to go away and never come back. I am hopeful that God will give me a complete healing, but I won't be upset if he doesn't. I have been given ten more years to live. I feel great. When the time comes, I'll be ready. Don't pray for me, pray for my family.


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