Hi, all. I'm New and thought i'd register, to give and recieve support and information. My Story -
I have been through alot in my 27 yrs. I had a major Car accident in 98, Broke my back, spleen, sternum, ribs etc. Was told i wouldn't be able to walk again, due to pressure on my spinal cord. BUT I did. Plus told I'd have problems with pregnancy. BUT didn't. Was a hairdresser, but had to retrain into a Beauty Therapsit. (easier on back- not much though.)
Then in 2000? I decided to be cool and adventurous :P And got my nose peiced. Then started to have nose bleeds and sore nose. Found out i had nose Cancer due to the irritation of the stud. Had it burnt off. Ouch
2002- Had a irregular pap smear and found out i had Cervical Cancer C4 (level 4), was booked in for a full hysterectomy. I was 22yrs old at the time, and was engagged to be married to my childhood sweetheart. At the last minute the specialist decided to do a full Cone biopsy. She took all cervix, glands etc. All the way to the uterus wall.
I then had to work out HOW i got this disease (Cervical, usually cause by human herpes virus (STD) , Or an infecction, but it's rare) So the husband and I had to undergo alot of embarrassing questions and test- to be told it was a dormant cell infection.
Anyway, I was told, i MAY not be able to have children, due to the extant of the cone biopsy. I wouldn't be able to 'hold' a child, and would have it very prematurely- If it would survive at all, It would have intensvie problems.
I now have a 18month old gorgeous Boy- Hunter. He was born only 4 weeks early. Perfect pregnancy, worked till 6-7 months. He was very sleepy when born and had troubles feeding, and later reflux and bowel problems, but hey, he is here!. (and still awake 3-5 times a night)
2 Years ago, i started to have a pain in my lower tummy. It came and went, on and off. I had ultrasounds etc, and nothing. So i forgot about it. (put it down to girl stuff, or digestion) Anyway, i've had this lump under my left armpit/breast. Kind of near rib. And it's sore, and tender to touch. I went to Dr and she was worried about secondery Cancer. ? I have to have it ultrasounded and maybe needle biopsy.....Any Ideas what it could be- breast/ lymphoma?
Anyway, I'm kind of sick of all the bad luck (even though i know i've had alot of good as well) "Could always be worse" i keep saying to myself. Haven't really told the husband much- as he stresses and bottles it up, and makes me worse. So i'm waiting for the treatment- if i go with it.
Anyway Thanks for listening to me vent Any advice, chat or help. Would be great. In. :P
I felt someone should reply - I haven't been through what you have been through, but I do feel for you. As to your recent problem, there is no way to diagnose on the net, but it is certainly something that needs to be looked into. Your doctor is understandably concerned with your history that you have a secondary. All I can say is go for the tests, and we will pray that it is not the big C but a B9.
Some news finally. I had heaps of test and biopsy done. (wouldn't take the lot out, Vee Smith- even after second advice) And all news is good. They "feel" that this could be a hormonal thing, or a viral thing. And i have to have it cheacked each month. It is a mass, but non-cancerus. (seruiously who knows though.)
Abit of a worry, but better than the Big C - AGAIN.
Now just regular checks and if it gets bigger or worse, i'll MAKE them remove the lot.
Wow you have certainly had your fair share , no doubt you have been to the brink many times emotionally but I'm guessing you are a very strong person after all you have been through.
Thank you for your kind words in the general forum , things are calm at the moment , funeral next week , brother in law is sleeping and optimistic.I've learnt that there is one positive about having Terminal C , you can plan your own funeral , Ang has picked Men At Work "Land down under" as the last song at the ceremony , brought a smile to our faces and also jeans and casuals only , no black ties.
My partner also had Cervical Cancer nearly four years ago , had to go through radio-therapy and luckily came through it clean , we now have a lively 2 year old boy who is our world , seems a distant memory now but was a very difficult time.3 years ago she was also involved in a car crash that has resulted in her unable to work since (she was a police officer) serious neck injury that was operated on early this year (fusion of C4 C5).Neck is a lot better now but she has limited feeling in her arms and hands due to nerve damage , many a smashed cup and plate prove that is no better!
Quite similar to yourself but no way near the bad luck you have had , so I can only imagine the stresses you and your partner have been and are going through.I know its hard but I think we all find some way of ploughing through and remaining positive.
I hope the winning lottery ticket comes your way soon but unfortunately I don't think it works like that.
Anyway Inica just thought I'd share that with you hope things finally smooth out so you can enjoy your family without the added extras!
Hi Paul- WOW looks like a mirror version of my life. I two have a son 19mths, Hunter. and he's a handful. But a blessing :P (not at 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 in the morning). He has bowel and reflux problems- but normal with a premie.
Anyway- It is true the one thing you have is planning your funeral. Love the idea of celebrating life and the songs are great! (from Australia??) Funerals should be about remebering and talking about the memories, not about darkness and mobid.
Inica, although we have "talked" with each other many times via PM, this is my first post to your story thread. Well, that is only technically correct. Soon after you posted your initial message to begin this thread, I wrote a very long reply which, fortunately or unfortunately, disappeared when I submitted it and I was just too tired or too lazy (actually, too depressed) to re-write the whole thing.
Since that time, you have become one of our most active members, reaching out to support others while at the same time facing your own cancer issues. I am highly impressed and inspired by your outlook on life! It is great to have you as a member! So few of us have experience or knowledge about cervical cancer. It might sound kind of strange, but it is great to have you with us although I am sure you would rather not need to be a part of this community. You seem to be one of those rare people who gains strength from you weakness.
I like to think I'm strong, but the truth is, I'm like everyone else. Just trying to find a tiny, winy crack in the cliff to hang on. (and if i lost some more weight, i'd have skinny fingers- it might help alot more )
But on a serious note. I love being here, and even though i'm not 'suffering' right now, i do hope any advice i give is a comfort to somoeone.
And YES Cervical Cancer is over looked. Whether beacuse it's in a little more delecate in area? OR as I have heard many times, beacuse it is a Cancer-"we have LET ourselves in contact" with. Grrrrrrrr :
Cervical Cancer is mostly , and i overstate MOSTLY caused by a STD- HPV (Human Papaloma? Virus- Herpes- wart Virus) Some other Cancer suffers or public believe we 'derserve' this. IF, this is how we got Cervial Cancer.
I was one of the unfortunate few to have abnormal cells. Caused by some infection. (irritation from a type of condom) But have talked to many others who have suffered this Cancer many ways. I was so ashamed by what i was told. How can ANY human wish this on anyone, let alone believe they ' deserve this'...... It reminds me of the age old AIDS Epidemic. no information and ingorant people.
I do believe that anyone who suffers ANY type of Cancer, would support us. and no way would 'wish' this on anyone.
I am Here for everyone/anyone, to give advice if i can. Help were needed, a ear to listen and a heart to comfort.
And without others like yourself Jim- we would not have a forum as smooth as this....so Thankyou- and All who post and reply and make this
the site it is today.
Thanks for reading ALL of my rant. lol. It is a pashionate issue for me.
ok- I just wanted to rant and chew on my lip a bit.
Feeling down and useless lately. Teary, tired and just plain cranky. I even had a jammie day (hell who am i kiding, lately anyday off work has been a jammie day). :P
Got to have a smear again. ( i actually forgot this one, and recieved a reminder) Hate having them, but understand and rather that i do. I know, I know- get it done.
Still not getting any sleep with hunter- No sleep sucks. Actualy broken sleep is the worst. Hunter goes down around 7.00 and wakes at around 10.00. screaming in pain. I'm then up every hour for 10 to 20 min. I then hop back into bed- listen to matt (husband) snore.....Grrrr, and count the minutes till hunter is back awake. IF i'm lucky then i might get 10 or 15 min of sleep. It finally stops around 5.Am (i'm sure due to his excaustion)
He is on new meds, and we have done EVERYTHING. Just been told to wait. I yelled at him today and he cried. I felt like the worst Mum, of course a second later he was all over me giving me cuddles and kisses. I can fully understand how some mothers can do there child harm (though i DON'T agree or condem)
On top of everything I'm having menstrual problems. One minute there- then gone. Or a spot or two and nothing. ( this is weird as i'm always regular and always heavy or med) I thought i was pregnant again. But i'm not.
Anyway- I know the usual things i have to do. And ask at Dr's. Just have to wait a bit to get in.
Light sleeping is the worse.....Hunter, Matt snoring- i was seriously thinking of smothering him with a pillow the other night :P ...dogs barking (whats the jail sentancing on baiting?) Bad, acheing back. Bloody bull frogs at bedroom window, And tom cats. (I'm a Animal person- but at the moment- - Is reptile, and fluffy poodle fur, a fashion trend of the moment??
You poor thing - it sounds so exhausting. Better to whinge than bottle up - and we can all smooth your ruffled feathers from a distance.
Does your doctor's surgery provide good support for you about the problems with Hunter? You say he is on new meds and you have been told to wait - how long do you have to wait before you can say it doesn't seem to help?
Is there anyone who could spell you with Hunter in the day?
Thanks Vee for the Thoughts. Hunter has been on medications since 3 months old. ( I was one of these Mums, who hated medications and wished him not to be on anything, absoultly needed.- :P ) You can guess that went out the window real quick. Now I'm a Mum who just wishes her son not to be in pain.
We have alot of suport here with Community Health nurses etc. And we travell to a specialist, about 2 hours. (not fun with a little on who is pain when still.- here it's the law for seat belts and car seats).
I work 3 days a week. Matt- Husband, helps out as much as possible. And he hates that he doesn't wake. I can wake him, but whats the point?. I end up laying there, thinking- Is he doing the right thing?? Or has he changed his nappie?? or or or. And i get up anyway. - IF one of us gets to sleep, he most well be him.
We have a app. in FEB. if nothing else works , then more evasive opperations.
Inica, as you probably have noticed by now, I too have trouble sleeping. It is not because of a dog barking, a baby crying, a spouse snoring or any of the other things the disturb your sleep. In fact, it is quit the opposite... it is the silence and the empty bed. You may know about the Eurovision Song Contest (I am a big fan!). Anyhow, this years winner was from Serbia. The song is Molitva (Prayer). It is a truly beautiful love song. I recently found the translation to the lyrics. I so identify with all of the song but the applicable part to this reply goes: "I can't close my eyes/The empty bed chases sleep away/And my life is melting away/And it's disappearing quickly, in a split second/....".
Hope you get some rest soon, despite the fact that your bed is not empty .
I can totally understand that- sometimes the silance is the worst too. (but at least you can put soft music on or grey music :P)
I will have to look the song up. It sounds interesting.
I just got back from a weekend in Orange, (here comes the jokes :P ) It is where i was born, and i have many relatives there. We, my mum, Hunter and myself, went for a Family party.
We travelled 3 - 3 1/2 hours away. On awful dirt windy road. (motion sickness people will understand). Hunter travelled really well, unusually. But didn't have a sleep all day.
We went to the party at dinner time, and had to wait for the surpised couple to arrive. There was about 60 people there, and That was the excact minute for hunter to turn into a monster.
He was running through the crowd of legs, with me chasing him the whole time. He was rubing eyes and crying. He was aggitated and just plain awful. He had to have his medicine, which he took reasonably well. But he didn't want to sit and have dinner after. (which he must, or have hole in tummy) So we faught, and bribed and even offered anything he wanted, just to save the tummy. But no way.
So just as the couple arrived. We, Hunter and I left to go back to motel. I didn't get a chance to eat anything, and was lucky to have a cousin, who organised a plate to go.
I got Hunter back to motel. Walked in the door, and SPLAT. Hunter emptyed his pain in the tummy. :P . Cleaned up, second pair of Pj's. Then put him down to bed.
Phewww Finally, some peace and quite and some dinner for me. Nice big plate of everything. - NO knife or fork. So i used a teaspoon. :P
Sat down and was spooning some yummy salad into mouth-
I knew- i put the plate on the floor (was sitting on floor, so no spills on bed). Raced to hunter, who was crying by this stage and raced to bath room.
Well, Hunter was sick from the cot, on me, on floor, over plate of dinner , and all the way to bathroom.
There goes dinner. My pj's, Hunter's pj's. and the motel room.
Luckly, as any mum- or sane person knows- i packed a huge bag of clothes etc, for hunter.....But not me So new pj's for him and back to bed. old travelling clothes for me to sleep in and no dinner. So washed clothes and hung out. Scrubbed the floor clean. (so clean you could see what colour the capet was ment to be! )
And thats when the tears started. Rang Hubbie all sick of everything and tired and emotional wreck. He was worried. Then in bed, empty tummy and red eyes and nasty head ache.
Hunter ended up in bed with me. Took all the bed and snored and cried on/off all night. I got up to make a bottle for hunter, and coater- hanged myself with the clothes line in bathroom. ........
Needless to say. I came home early, and with a nasty bruise- like i hung myself. Red eyes, sore and tired body...but a funny story. :P
hehe- weekend over here :P But will do. I've used the bruise as a pretty good excuse to get hubbie to do all.
"oh, my sore neck" "if only the rope held" "i need dinner, but i'm to sore to get up and cook it"
You sit you wonder. Your mind is numb with the "If's" and "will it's ".
You can't eat, you can't sleep.
You wonder is that Killing blackness, creeping further, closer, spreading or
You wait, and wait for the phone to ring, Or for that missed appointment.
You wait for what you know will come.
Hunter is as well as can be at the moment. It seems every day/week a new problem or illness. At the moment he's been breathing really wierd and even stop breathing. Quite scary. So looks like more specialists. BUT he did sleep through a few hours the other night, and didn't wake till morning, before his usual screaming fits. (of course i didn't sleep a wink the whole night that he did).
And me- well just surviving or fighting like everyone else. I'm waiting on a App, 2 weeks....Waiting for bad news. Not so much a guess but a feeling and some syptoms etc.