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Thread: Mom in End Stage from Stage IV NSCLC with Metastasis

  1. #1
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    Mom in End Stage from Stage IV NSCLC with Metastasis

    I've read alot of your posts and wanted to let you know my story. I am the caregiver for my mother. It saddens me to say that my Mom, who was diagnosed on December 3rd, turned a corner and is moving into the final stages of end of life as we know it. She is still responsive but that could change at any time. She sleeps most of the time now (scared me yesterday, she was sleeping so soundly around the clock) and has not been out of bed since Sunday, unless you count the time I put her on her bedside potty on Monday.

    We've had some good discussions and I told her that it is ok if she wants to fight and it is ok if she becomes too tired to fight any more. I tell her I love her everytime she is awake. I thanked her and told her I was honored that she allowed me to take care of her and told her that I am who I am because of her. She may be my step mom but she is my mother in every way that counts. She knows it too. I even cried a little last night in front of her. I berated myself for doing that because I've been determined to remain strong for her sake. But the hospice nurse told me that it is ok to cry in front of her and tells mom that I care. I've told her she is to never worry about me because I will be fine, I will just miss her terribly. A friend of mine even has found a home for mom's little chihuahua and mom's mind has been set at ease there. I'd keep him but he doesn't get along with cats, only dogs.

    I had mom entered into Hospice care last Friday. They have been a blessing and I strongly urge anyone facing a terminal illness down the road to bring them on board. Angels, every last one of them. They have come to see her here at home numerous times and I called last night for her nurse to visit today because I was afraid mom's status had changed due to the way she was sleeping. The nurse visited, consulted with the doctor and agreed with me.

    I will be weaning her off of her heart/BP meds, and other meds except for her pain and anxiety medicine, which is in pill form. She's got so much difficulty swallowing now that I will be moving to the liquid morphine now and can dilute her anxiety tablet in a small amount of water from a dropper. She is not in a lot of pain, which is a blessing, but gets very uncomfortable. According to the oncologist, who gave me the results of her PET scan, she is basically eaten up with cancer. It is all over her body. So it is a wonder she is not in pain.

    My best friend had her church pastor visit Mom Tuesday and mom liked him. Very nice and down to earth. The hospice chaplain will visit tomorrow as will a CRNA, the nurse, and the hospice doctor. The CRNA will give mom a good massage after her bath. My husband told mom that he was switching places with her tomorrow!

    I'm sad....I have crying jags off and on but I know Mom will be ok and will be in a better place. I'm simply feeling sorry for myself because I will miss her so much. I've prayed so much and I know my prayers are being answered because I've been given the strength to do something I never would have thought I had the strength to do. I also know my prayers are being answered in a way I would rather they not be, but thats ok because I know I will see her again one day. She told pastor Deetz that she is not afraid. I'm not afraid for her, but I am sad for me.

  2. #2

    I know how your feel

    Tara,

    This site is a wonderful site even after your mom is gone. I thought I was all alone in my moms battle with stage IV lung cancer last year, but when I came to this site I now know I wasnt alone. Towards the end I prayed it go by fast so I didnt see her in that way any more, but I like you kept in my feelings and try to be the strong one only at the end when it was all done did I have a hard time dealing with it, you are brave and strong to let your mom know how you feel about her and to be with her till the end. May she be at peace soon.
    myangelsinheaven

  3. #3
    Administrator Top User brainman's Avatar
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    Tera, my heart breaks for you as I read your story. It is not easy lossing someone that you love so much. Both of my parents are now died and I miss them both very much.

    You know that you and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jim
    Long-term cancer survivor
    1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
    2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
    http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
    My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
    My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
    My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029

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    Tera,

    Sorry to hear about your Mom. I was recently in the same position as you when my Mom passed very recently over the holidays. Hospice is a great organization. They worked very hard to get my Mom home on Christmas eve. God bless them all. I'm sorry that us and our loved ones have to go through this and I agree with you one hundred percent that they will be in a better place. No more suffering. But how I wish my Mother was still with us and healthy. On an interesting note I would like to share with everyone: my Mother told me very matter of factly just one to two hours before she passed that she would "be around", and I said "okay, I'll be back" as I retired from my over night watch. We had to be on watch because Mother sometimes accidentaly removed her oxygen mask while asleep which had to remain on at all times. Unfortunately I did not make it back to her room until she began the passing process where she was accompanied by my wife. I arrived shortly after having been awakened by my wife calling my name. To witness the passing was heartbreaking but I tried to comfort her as best I could. When it was over I had finally become a believer in the after life and am now for the most part overcome with comfort with the occasional feeling sorry for myself. I'll tell you this in closing, I am looking forward to being reunited with all my passed loved ones when my time comes. Until then I will carry on with my life and hold Mother close and dear in my heart

    Peace, and GOD Be with you.
    -bfriend

  5. #5
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    Thank you to you all for your kind replies. My mom is very special to me as your parents are/were to you. It is hard to watch someone pass....I take comfort in knowing she is not in alot of pain and that she has a wonderful organization like hospice helping to ease that transition.

    You know what my latest scare is? With the Hospice nurse and doctor's blessing, I moved to the liquid morphine tonight due to her difficulty swallowing. She was restless today, not the peaceful sleep she had the night before, even with two Lortabs. The morphine tonight brought that peaceful sleep back. But now I'm scared that because morphine inhibits respiratory action that it may make her stop breathing. So I go check on her many times. Irrational, I know, but I will work through this fear too.

    God bless all of you.

  6. #6
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    At 5:54 this evening, Jesus and his Angels took mom home to Heaven. She is at peace and I thank the Lord for that. But.....I already miss her so much....

  7. #7
    Administrator Top User brainman's Avatar
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    Tera, I just read your notice about your mother's death. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know she was a very special person to you and that you will miss her very much.

    My prayers go up for you tonight.
    Jim
    Long-term cancer survivor
    1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
    2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
    http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
    My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
    My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
    My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029

  8. #8
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    Oh Tera,
    I am so very sorry to hear of your mom's passing. You have been a source of strength for me, and I want to thank you for it. I so understand your sadness and there are really no words to truly comfort you...I am here for you, anytime you need to "talk". I am going to take advantage of the Hospice grief counceling--maybe you could as well. Just think about it. Please take care of yourself, and remember that she is SO with you and there by your side--I really believe that of my mom as well. Kim
    ...keeping the faith in n.c.
    Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
    fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
    earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

  9. #9
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    Tera,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.
    My mom was diagnosed with NSCLC Squamous Carcinoma 10/23/2007. Wedge resection 11/20/2007. Final pathology showed poorly differiniated large cell carcinoma with invasion of visceral pluera, T2NxM0/stage 1B. 12/14/2007. No chemo elected.

  10. #10
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    Thanks everyone. Now that she is gone, I just want to get through what is coming up. I do not look forward to the funeral at all. A friend of mine is making a DVD for me of my mom and family using pictures. I look forward to seeing that but just do not want the agony of a funeral.

    Kim, I hear you loud and clear. I will avail myself of their grief services if I need it. I generally do well handling my grief, its funerals I don't do well. we'll stay in touch. By the way, that photo of your mom, she is beautiful. I'll have to get one on the allinace website too.

    Thanks again everyone. I'll check back in later.

  11. #11
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    Tera,

    I know what you were/are going through, I too, went through the same thing six months ago and I feel your pain. I give you strength to handle the next few days and will be thinking of you.

    Lisa

  12. #12
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    Oh Tera I am truly so sorry for your loss. You should remain so very proud of the very strength you have had during this very difficult time. I pray for you as this week will also be so very hard. You have been such a source of comfort to many of us who have faced this challenge. I too know first hand how you feel when you say that your mom is your step mom. My dad is my step dad, but nobody would ever know because he has been the only dad I have ever known. Like the saying goes, "anyone can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad". That sums it up. Again I hope you will keep in touch with the forum, and I will be thinking about you this week.

  13. #13
    Administrator Top User pbj11's Avatar
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    Tera,

    My sincere sympathy on the loss of your mom. You were a dear daughter who did all you could to give her comfort and peace in her last days. God bless you.

    PBJ
    Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV in 3/2005. Fought & lived over 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

    Post describing our journey: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.ph...er=asc&start=0

    Left my embrace to live with our Heavenly Father in October of 2007 and now breathes with ease forever. I will miss this gentle, giving soul with the easy smile for the rest of my days, but have faith we will be together again. He's just getting a little break from me!

  14. #14
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    Thank you mommysgirl and PBJ.

    Today was tough, O boy was it tough. But I got through it fine with the Grace of God and well wishes of everyone.

    The service was beautiful and Pastor J.R. was a great comfort and gave an uplifiting message. I handled it better than I thought I would. I know my mom was there with her arms around me the whole time. We played instrumental inspirational music for the viewing and for the service, I chose Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, and Beulah Land. The first tow are both mine and mom's favorites and Beulah Land was a version sung by Marty Raybon, who has an awesome voice.

    And, I so wanted a sign that she was fine. Well, it happened....she sent a sign that she is ok. The night mom passed away, my best friend had a dream about her and dreamed of her crossing over. She saw Mom all in white, going towards the light an 80 year old woman. When she went into the light, she became a young woman again. Theresa said (and keep in mind that she has never seen pictures of my mom as a young woman until today) that she was taken aback by the pictures she saw today and realized that was a sign from mom....she looked exactly like the pictures of her as a young woman. That, my friends, is a miracle from God and gives me so much comfort and happiness for her. I will miss her, oh how I will miss her. But I will see her again one day.

    Thank you all, for your well wishes, prayers, and kindness. And as for a friend of mine, Randy....words can not express my thanks enough for all he did. He made a wonderful tribute to my mom.

    Helensgirl....Kim, you may not be the direct recipient of your mom's sign that she is ok. My grief could have caused me to miss it, not to mention I've not been sleeping good. So I believe my mom sent the sign to Teresa knowing that I would know exactly what it was. It also comforted Teresa tremendously.

  15. #15
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    So true Tera...I listen to my MP3 player every night b/4 I go to sleep, and the darndest thing...almost every night these same songs come on that with their words, answer questions that I've asked of my mom...call it coincidence...I can't say. But it's really like she's communicating with me through the music-------------------or I'm just crazy maybe, anyhow, it makes me feel great!!! I'm so glad you got your very obvious sign Tera!!!!! Take care, and I'm sending positive thoughts your way Kim
    ...keeping the faith in n.c.
    Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
    fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
    earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

  16. #16
    Administrator Top User pbj11's Avatar
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    Tera,

    So glad you were able to get through the service and wake alright.

    We too had many, many hymns that were our favorites at my husband's service. We finished with his favorite. I felt like it was an upbeat way to send him to God.

    My daughter in law had a dream (she's a little bit psychic) about my husband a few weeks after he passed. She said he was happy, with his brothers, and was a young man again! I found it amazing that your friend said your Mom was young again too. Interesting.

    God bless you and stay in touch for support in the days ahead.

    PBJ
    Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV in 3/2005. Fought & lived over 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

    Post describing our journey: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.ph...er=asc&start=0

    Left my embrace to live with our Heavenly Father in October of 2007 and now breathes with ease forever. I will miss this gentle, giving soul with the easy smile for the rest of my days, but have faith we will be together again. He's just getting a little break from me!

 
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