new here, husband on Xeloda, stage 4 colon cancer to liver

[DulcimerGal]

Hi Zapora,

What is your husband's name?
I am already praying for REB and Star - so it's better if the prayer is specific - rather than "Zapora's husband...."

I too have watched cancer patient's die, my father had cancer. Fortunately he was on morphine at the end - so he slipped away peacefully. I understand your trepidation.

How would you like me to pray?

For REB and Star I pray for a full and complete cure, and the miracle of complete healing. As I said - I truly believe in the power of specific prayer, especially by name.

Just to cover things though - I also pray that if that is not God's will - that they will have a fulfilled life and a peaceful passing of their soul in the
hour of death. Gotta cover all bases.....

I will also pray for you to have strength and peace whatever the outcome.
I pray every night, and if by chance I fall asleep - I catch up the next morning on my way to work - so I will not forget you guys!
We are all hanging in there with you.

Cheers
DulcimerGal

[PrairiePrincess]

Zapora, you need to call in the support troops. Are there friends and relatives who can help you out? You need help with and breaks from, all your present tasks so you can come up for air, breathe, and return to your own support roles with energy.

[Zapora]

His CEA was 16.1 down a bit from 16.6, had to stop Xeloda again, going back on lower dose next wednesday, the hand/foot syndrome raised it's head again. The neuropathy in feet is so bad, very difficult to walk.

Thank you Dulcimer for your prayers,

[Zapora]

Three weeks ago Jack's cea elevated to over 22. Dr. told him not to take the Xeloda anymore, because it's not working, and any further treatment would be 20% or less effective in treating the cancer. It was pretty discouraging. We go back monday for another cea. He is pretty much disabled, with the severe neuropathy in feet, and back pain, don't think he can distinguish between the back pain and any cancer related pain, he has lost weight, is losing appetite too.

He has had a couple anxiety attack issues, in the past couple weeks, I called the Dr. one night cause it scared me, but the Dr. just said to leave him alone.

I got a wheelchair, so at least have been able to get him to church a couple times, and once on a friday night to our son's football game.

Sleeps much of the time.

We are almost 7 months into 9 to 12 month prognosis. Not good.

[PrairiePrincess]

Big hugs to you Zapora, and Jack.

First of all, there is something that can be done about the panic attacks. Your doctor can prescribe Ativan to your husband, which has a pleasant, calming effect and yet does not change your personality and does not leave you feeling groggy. He may feel as if he's had a glass or two of champagne at first, but his body will habituate quickly and that effect will go away. And it will really, really help with the panic attacks. I have had them and they are not pleasant.

If your doctor won't give him Ativan (a benzodiazepine), find someone who will.

I wonder too if the panic attacks would also be soothed by bringing a hospice counsellor and nurse onto your team? They are wonderful in helping you live the best life and most comfortable life you can under what are very difficult circumstances. It is easy in your position to be overwhelmed by fear and dread, I know, but the hospice people can really help with that.

My prayers are with you both, pet.

[topazil]

I agree with PrairiePrincess.

I take valium .5mg and it helps with the anxiety but have taken Antivan before and that also helps.

You, Your husband and your family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers this night (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))


What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.

[blessed1]

Hi Zapora,
I was really sorry to hear that your husband is not responding to the chemo. I was also upset to hear about his panic attacks. It must be difficult looking into the abyss and not sure if anything will catch you if you fall. Having Jesus as my Lord and Savior in this has given me real peace. I'm not saying I have not had bad days and get unhappy with my post op self, But I know I am in his hand and that is a safe place for me.

Jesus makes this promise in the gospel of John,

"And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish neither shall anyone snatch them out of my hand".

This is the promise He makes to those who have accepted his gift of forgivness of sins

The apostle Paul says in Romans,

"that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead you will be saved. For with the heart one believes resulting in righteousness and with the mouth
confession is made resulting in salvation"


Simply confess that you are a sinner ask God to forgive you and accept the payment Jesus made on the cross for you sins.


If you have any questons feel free to contact me at bobk419@yahoo.com


Praying for you both

[PrairiePrincess]

While raised in faith, I have drifted away...it just does not work for me. However, as Doug's condition failed to respond well to treatment, he began to ask me what I thought would happen when he died. My own answer to that point...that either we go poof! and aren't there to worry about what happens, or, if that doesn't happen, that something very interesting must!...was not satisfying to him. I needed something more, not just for him but for me as well.

A friend gave me two books by hospice nurse Maggie Callanan, "Final Journeys" and "Final Gifts".

She avoids the question of faith, but offers dozens of personal stories that imply we go to a better place, in the company of loved and loving presences. That dying is a journey that can be filled with meaning and purpose, and that we surely are going somewhere.

I was enormously comforted by her writings, and highly recommend them to you and Jack, Zapora. I now feel much better about Doug's future, whatever it will be, and it has allowed me to relax a bit and deal more effectively with his present.

[Zapora]

Haven't posted in awhile, was having problems with posting,

Hospice has been here now for 3 weeks, Jack is now bedridden, they thought he would pass away last weekend, but guess he just isn't "ready to go" yet. He is yellow, and thin, sleeps most of the time, but doesn't seem to be in any type of unbearable pain, in fact only takes the morphine about twice daily, which also helps with breathing.

Still eating a bit, but not drinking more than 12 ounces of fluids daily.

His blood pressure and breathing rate and pulse are all very low.

I am pass the point of exhaustion, physically, emotionally and mentally, tired of crying, I have been sick with bronchitis and bad cold for much of the past month. Back on a Zpac yesterday.

We are both Christians, as are all of our sons, we have all accepted Jesus as our Saviour, and Jack knows he will soon meet the Lord in Glory.

God is faithful in His promises with love, mercy, grace and strength to get through this dire time. Every day, I think I have no more to give, that I am spent, but God continues to give me the strength to keep going. Hospice nurses and cna's are "angels", they are so wonderful and caring, both towards Jack and to me.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done, to be Jack's 100% caretaker, but it is only by God's grace that I have been able to do it.

Though I love him, I will be relieved when this is over, yet sad, yet know that he will be with the Lord.

I don't think he has much time left. He looks even more yellow today.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Also, the Dr. did put him on the Ativan, and it helped tremendously!

[PrairiePrincess]

You are doing a great job, Zapora.

It helped me a lot every night when my Dad was passing to send up a silent prayer to God that I had done everything I could, and that I needed him to guide me and cover the rest! I would say "Dear Lord, it is all in your hands. Guide and protect us."

And then I found I could roll over, let go of my worries and go to sleep.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Jack and the children.

[REB]

Hi PrairiePrincess.

I don't want to get into a religious debate. I know people believe differently from me, and I respect their belief.

I used to be an atheist. Well, I accepted it was possible some supreme being created the universe, but I just didn't see how life after death could be possible. I believed that when we died, we just cease to exist. I was a very scientific person.

All that changed the night my grandmother died. She was a very religious Christian, who even taught bible study in the holy land back in the 1950's. She was even named Christine, after Christ.

She died on Christmas of 2000 of a heart attack at the age of 78. I don't want to get into details, but she paid me a visit that night, and it was powerful enough to turn me into a believer. I saw things my science could not explain. The funny thing is, I never believed that kind of stuff before. It is something you have to experience to believe.

I realized that my cherished science only explained what happens to matter in our physical universe. It can not explain anything that happens outside of our universe, and the physical laws that govern it.

I think that God takes our soul and transfers it to another body in his realm. And I think that his realm is a real place to those who are there. It follows its own physical laws separate from our own.

If you accept that a supreme being created our universe, then you must accept that this being existed before and outside of our universe. This means that their realm is a real place that exist separate from our universe.

I think that God created this universe, and the physical laws that govern it, so that intelligent life would form independent of him. He owns the matter that makes up our bodies, but not our souls. He wants us to freely give that to him. This is why there is freewill, and why bad things, like cancer, happen.

So I do think there is more to us than this matter that makes us up, and the physical laws that govern it. I do think there is more than this universe we live in.

I used to want to understand everything. I used to want all the answers. But now I realize there are things I can't explain, or comprehend, and I am okay with that.

Anyway, that is the way I see it. If you see it differently, that is okay.

[PrairiePrincess]

I think that is lovely! Like you were before, until I kind of experience it firsthand, I am ok with just keeping an open mind.

I do envy those with faith, and certainty. I just know I don't have either yet.

And I am deeply comforted by the faith that others have. I would very much like to think we are bound somewhere, and that we truly are held in the hollow of His hand.

Meanwhile, big hugs to Zapora and Jack.

[DulcimerGal]

Beautiful post Zapora -

"we will meet the Lord in Glory"...........

God bless you and Jack - been wondering how things were going for you both and your family. As Prairie Princess says - there is something very comforting about knowing others are praying and have faith -

so we will all pray for you both in our own ways, particularly for emotional strength, you sound so very tired.

DulcimerGal

[topazil]

I am not "religious" but I do pray, and I hope that there is another life for me after this one, one where I can grown and finish learning and do better than I have in this life and then move to the final phase which I guess is simply peace.

Please I ask for prayers tonight as I am going through a bad patch mentally and emotionally and don't have anyone to turn to, to talk about it and and have just wore myself out tonight packing so I never had a chance to stop and think and now I feel so horrible I am tempted to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. But I'll be okay, I know the power of you guys prayers and thoughts for people so I ask for yours tonight.

Thank you,

Marsha

P.S sorry for hijacking the thread, I apologize profusely

[DulcimerGal]

Prayers coming up Marsha....

Glad I checked again before signing off and getting ready for bed!

PLEASE - don't wear yourself out packing.....
When you get physically tired - the emotional and mental exhaustion is sure to follow.

PM me if you like - I will be up saying a prayer for you
DulcimerGal

(and it's ok to highjack thread - we all understand)