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Hunny
10-24-2009, 07:05 AM
I know this is not a new topic, but Iam very new at this, but i am very old
(I think ) with regards to cervical cancer. My wife, I have always called her
Hunny,is now 45 years old, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer in March 2007. This was after at least 4 months of irregular bleeding,and pain. She had all her papt test done on schedual as required, and we had
voiced our concern to our family doctor. It was later discovered that one of the papt test had been read as cloudy and should have been redone, we never new this until well after the fact. By the time major concern
was raised, it was a Friday, diagnoised Friday evening, cancer clinic in
Vancouver Mon morning, stage 2 cervical cancer Mon evening.We were advised to start radition,now, as our best bet to "cure", my wife started
her 25 day cycles,with some chemo to "enhance" the radiation. After the treatments my wife went through those wonderful, I think some of youknow what I am refering to "bracknetherapy?" basically put your loved one in a
sealed room for 18hours and insert radiation directly in to her. Meanwhile she gets to think about life all by herself!. Oh did i thank the papt test guy/gal yet. So trying to keep a very long story short, after all the treatments, we asked ,so whats next. We were told to go home give it a chance, see you in about three month for cat scan, hopefully evertything is fine. Well we went back ,cat scan, cancer is back ,just in a few more places, only option a complete pelvic exenteration, you need to understand, we have three beautiful kids, we are in our early 40's and now my wifes only oppition is to live the rest of her life with a clostomy, and urostomy bag. And you know what, i told her i don't care what bag you have, as long as i have your smilin face and the kids have there super
mom. So we went a head with the 14 hour operation. Of course the first week in the hospital,the first of 6, it was discovered that they had damaged some nerves and my wife can now not walk. This was 4 weeks before xmas, and they were hinting she would have to stay in for xmas. No way my Hunny is Miss xmas, So we got her home with some in home care, best xmas ever. So after almost year of getting used to our new life
wife went into some crisis pain, down to hospital, the dam cancer is back
on her spine and kidney, tried some experimental chemo, no luck, we are now on pallitive care, trying to understand this long avoidable ride.
And how to tell our ten year old, tha Mom is not getting better?

Iknow others have gone through this, I have read some of the post, any ideas with the young one?

Stew

rmaureen
10-27-2009, 11:39 AM
Hi and welcome Hunny:

My heart goes out to you and your family. You all have gone through so much, and I know this must be a terribly difficult time as everything seems to be moving so fast in a bad way. I do not have children, so I did some digging online, and found the following suggestions in telling young children a parent has cancer. I have pasted it below, and hope it offers some help to you:

--->"Telling Children that a Parent Has Cancer or other disease:

One of the most difficult questions that parents with cancer must deal with is, "when do I tell my children and what shall I say?" Let's face it we want to protect our children from pain and we know that this will create a lot of pain. However by holding back this information we actually can create more pain in the long run. Children sense when something is wrong and their imagination is far worse than what is often the truth. Also when we avoid telling them, they hear it from the wrong person and at the wrong time, like from a classmate or overhearing you on the phone as you are whispering. This creates more anxiety, anger and fear.

Here are some important points to remember:

* Children need accurate, age appropriate information ( the name of the disease and that the doctors are doing all that they can do to help.
* Children need to know what is happening now and what will happen in the immediate future. This eases their anxiety, fears and worries.
* Children need to know that they didn't cause it.
* Children need to know that they can't catch it.
* Children need to know about the treatment plan and how it will affect their life (rides to school, play dates, routines)
* Children need their questions answered truthfully (not everything at once, but never tell an untruth).
* Children need hope and reassurance.
* Children need a support system outside the immediate family
* Children need to be able to participate in the care of a parent
* Children need to know that they will continue to be cared for
* Children need to know that the parent has less energy now
* Children need lots of attention and love"

----->Here is the url to the website, it offers more advice catered to age specific categories:

http://www.griefspeaks.com/id62.html


Others out there may come along and post who have direct experience with this, and share how they informed their children of such terrible news.
You, your wife and children are in my prayers. You wife sounds like a real trooper, and she is blessed to have a husband like you in her struggle.