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Timothy88
11-02-2009, 11:51 PM
Hello all.. just thought i would post here about my marvellous mother who is still fighting at the moment.. but fast losing strength.

Firstly my names Tim, im 21, and im a student from Manchester, England.

Iv'e been browsing these forums for some time reading peoples stories and i wanted to post mine, and most importantly pay some tribute to my mother who is sadly coming to the end of this struggle, but faces it head on with dignity and strength.

My Mother is 62 years old and coming to the end of her life now, her brush with cancer first started when it went to her womb area.. resulting in having her womb removed, i was only about 3 so i dont know all the details about that one, about 10 years later it went to her breast, i remember her thinking that she wasn't going to get through it, but in her typical zelous and strong ways she fought through breast cancer and after her courses of tamoxifen she managed to pull through and it went into remission.

I was probably about 10 at that time, and i remember thinking 'yay mummys back'.

Sadly about 5 years ago, the cancer was back, but this time it had gone to her bowels, she had some of her bowel removed and she ended up with a colostomy bag.. much to her initial horror, it was irreversible, but she adapted, as she always has done, and tried to move on with her life.

A couple of years past, and about 2 years ago, the cancer had returned AGAIN.. to her liver this time, and she ended up having a portion of her liver removed.. cancer was gone.

6 months or so passed, and my mum got a phone call.. it was the hospital and they had bad news about a recent scan.. the cancer had returned again.. this time it was in her lymph nodes.

My mum took all the courses of chemo they could give her.. the doctors said it was working but it was working too slowly.. which i dont quite understand.. aslong as its working and killing the cancer, it's feasible to carry on with it, right?

So they changed her chemo and started her on some sort of injection based derivative.. not sure about all the technicalities and names of it all.. i was shielded from alot of it, and im sure they kept quite alot of it back because they didn't want to see me worry.. but i kind of figured it didn't work when the next thing i knew my mum was applying for some Trial drugs..

The trial drugs gave my mum a renewed sense of hope.. she thought that this could buy her a few years.. 16 pills a day they wanted her to take of it, on top of all her diabetic regulators, her heart medicine, her blood pressure stabilisers, totalling to a concoction of about 30 pills.. she took the 16 pills a day for about a week, she felt as sick as a parrot for 7 full days before saying no more.. She came off the trial drugs.

My mum had now given up alot of hope about beating the cancer, and it became a battle for longevity survival. About a month ago she got taken into hospital with Jaundice, they initially thought it was a blockage not related to the cancer, she spent 6 days in a hospital.. she hates hospitals.. shes been to that very same hospital on countless occassions for cancer ops.. she seemed to deteriorate quite alot whilst she was in the hospital, while the doctors blunders resulted in her having to stay longer than we had initially planned aswell.

We had been given the impression she would be in for an op to drain the bile, and out a few days later. They then decided to do a scan.. and they found the Cancer had come back, in her liver again this time.. to put it into perspective how aggressive her cancer is.. about 6 weeks before that liver scan in hospital, she'd had another scan on her liver and it showed up clean.. within 6 weeks the cancer had travelled from her Lymph nodes to her Liver, they explored the possibility of using a stent and draining some of the bile off.. but there was "no way in" for them to do this.

They sent her home to die, basically, i really have alot of scorn for those 'survival of the fittest' doctors.. "my mums 62, terminal, so why bother?, right doc?" sorry but i really do think they could of done more for her over the years.. the treatment in the UK is terrible in comparison to treatment in places like the States, and some european countries like sweden, germany, and holland. Anyway, that's another debate.

She's been at home with us ever since.. She's been going downhill for the past 3 months really.. but in the past 3 weeks things have got really bad, and now shes in bed with a morphine driver in her arm, and a catheter installed.. The district nurse believe its a matter of days.. a prognosis i agree with.

This wonderful, marvellous, incredible woman, who i have spoke to everyday for 21 years, is no longer going to be there, she won't see me go to university, or have a family, or even meet her grandchildren.. all things mothers should always be able to do.

She sleeps most of the time, and her breathing has become mandibular and very laboursome, she breathes slowly, but heavily, her eyes open half shut, but she still squeezes my hand when i ask, or strains to say 'hello'.. she can no longer be given nystatin antibiotics for the thrush in her mouth as she can't swallow..the district nurses are going to give us some swabs and we're

Then i remember her telling me 'Your my mainstay, and il fight until the end for you', i remember her saying that, and i feel guilty, guilty because maybe if it wern't for me she'd let go. I'm sure she's fighting to stay alive for my dad, and my two brothers aswell though.

I asked the district nurse how long she can go on the way she is.. and she said it varies.. sometimes people go in hours.. and sometimes people go for days like it.. its all about when the person lets go.


Im absolutely heart broken, this whole experience is tearing me apart. Everytime i go to check how she is in bed, my heart sinks and i wonder if shes still there or not.. it's so scary, yet so unfair.

Family are very supportive though and its brought us all closer together.. it's a shame that its happened under the most tragic circumstances though.. my girlfriend is great, rings me up at all hours to check on me, and see how i am.. shes coming down tommorow so that should be good.. shes my pillar of strength.




Update: 03.10.09 - 01:40am: dads trying to sleep in the loft, and brother is downstairs on the couch.. i cant sleep so il go to bed around 5ish and check on her every hour as is my routine. Went to check on her 10 minutes ago.. she seems peaceful.. she woke briefly and tried to smile and extended her hand out to me, i held it for a while.. told her i loved her, and came back to the opposite room with the pc in it.

Timothy88
11-04-2009, 07:17 PM
Update: My mum died today at 3:20pm 04/11 sleep well mum.

Quintana
11-21-2009, 06:25 PM
Bless you and your family in your time of mourning. She sounds like a fantastic woman with great strength. Carry that strength with you as you continue your life. As I read your story and her struggle to be there for your family regardless of her suffering it only seems obvious that she would want you to carry on with the same conviction. It's funny how I've been moping around about my grand father and the way he told me to handle things. He was a lot like your mother, very strong! It wasn't till I read your post that I see what is meant for me and my family. Thank you for sharing her story with us. I feel like she has given even me a total stranger some of her strength...May you all be covered with God's grace.

sheila
11-22-2009, 02:32 AM
you did all that one could possibly do-you gave of yourself.-your mom sounded like a wonderfull strong women and guess what?-she paved a path for you to folow , and even to show you how to die with stregth and courage. follow in her footsteps for she will always be there to lead the way. Im sorry for your loss but you also gained soo much from this experience altho you may not see it that way now. and at that time I probably wont either...sadly I too will have to face this situation-for my mom has been battling about 4 years now with an aggressive determined little bugger..but she as well is also a fighter and strong person.
her options for help are narrowing fast. when its her time it will be her time. so we cherish the moments and the past- the family bond is incredible. you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. take care be strong-make her proud!