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View Full Version : happy or sad.... cant make my mind up!



lp4mw9333
01-19-2013, 12:49 AM
Just thought Id do a quick update, history is on my previous posts, basically......... 29yr old hubby got diagnosed on the 1st October 2012 with Cancer of unknown primary with mets to the liver, both lungs and the spine. He was offered combination chemotherapy, and accepted it as it cant get any worse really :|

Started the Chemo on 12th October, its EXC, and goes to hospital once every 3 weeks for IV chemo and then back home with 3 weeks worth of cistplatin tablets 4 daily. At the time of diagnosis, Dr said he had 3 months to live, but due to age and general health other than the cancer he would recommend the treatment at the highest dose possible, he also said the aim of the chemo would be to only to contain the spread of cancer as its a very aggressive form and it was spreading so fast.

Anyway before the treatment started the blood test results were shocking!!

GGT 796 !!
ALP 450 !!

and the rest were also ridiculously high!

I asked for a printout of his bloods every visit to the hospital and every 3 weeks they were gradually going down, after 4 cycles the GGT was down to 416 and the ALP down to 182, they did a CT scan and the results show that the cancer has gone 100% from the spine and the bone has started repairing itself, and there was a large reduction of cancer on the lungs and a further reduction of cancer on the liver, but still no sign of the primary cancer on the scan?
Based on those results the Dr looked as shocked as us, and was smiling and kept shaking our hands saying its really good news and he wants to do another 4 cycles of the same treatment.

My hubby still has all his hair? nearly 4 months in, its thinned slightly but you wouldnt know unless you had seen his hair before hand, he has had no diarrhea, no mouth sores, his stomach ache which caused us to go to the hospital in the first place has gone, and no sickness either, and he doesnt take much anti sickness meds, and refuses to take the steroids because they cause chronic heartburn and gassy stomach, and that was another reason the doc wants to carry on as he claims the amount and strength of chemo he is giving my hubby would kill a 50 year old with the same level of cancer but seeing as though my hubby seems fine on it, then he was adamant he carries on.

I didnt ask if it had prolonged his life and by how long, as although inside im screaming to find out, I dont want to hear it! might sound silly but that diagnosis day is forver in my mind.... 3months.....3months.....3months ! and i couldnt bear to hear it again!

He has already outlived his original prognosis by a couple of weeks, and quite frankly apart from being tired is no different than he was before the cancer? its so surreal.

Anyway the whole point of this post is to ask if im normal lol !! I cant be happy with the scan results, people keep saying CHEER UP or BRILLIANT NEWS WASNT IT? and i agree to their face, but inside i just cant be happy, I keep thinking that this has got to just be the calm before the storm and next time we go, the blood test reults are going to have shot back up, or the next scan will show a massive spread, Iv always been a pessimistic person, because if I think the worst, then I can never be dissapointed. My hubby keeps saying Just be happy for now.... whilst its as good news as it can be, just enjoy it, and cross the other bridges when it comes to it, but I just cant be, some days I think right thats it, its going to work, its working now, its not going to stop, but the reality then slaps me across the face ten fold... and the horrible nagging returns.... ( its not forever) .... (whats there to be happy about?) .........and i end up counting the days to the next chemo session, and just feeling depressed, but I can never show it, as we have a 6 year old son, who knows his daddy has cancer and the doctors are trying to fix him, but doesnt know that a cure isnt possible, so i have to get up, act all cheery, take him to school, face a whole playground of ...'Hows Mike?'.... 'How are you?' ...... 'Have you heard any more news?' .... and im all smiles, saying Im fine, Mikes fine, no news yet! and its started to Pee me right off!

Im trying to be happy for his sake, god... he is the one suffering more than anyone but its so hard at 26 to deal with all this, whilst I watch all our friends going out and being young happy families.

anyway rant over, am I being silly...? should I embrace whatever good news comes our way... should I dare hope for a miracle and think it could all go away.... or do I plod on, pretending im fine, when really I just want to run away... :(

does anyone have any noce inspiring storys of family/ friends that beat the imposssible or outlived their prognosis! they might cheer me up and give me a little bit of hope! Thanks for reading guys, I know you all have your own problems to deal with, but I just needed a release!

angelamylove
03-07-2013, 01:07 PM
I am in the same situation, where I know what the outcome will be of my wife's Cancer, but still put on that smiley face for everyone during her fight to live. Our scan results the similar results and but in the back of my mind, it was good news but we know where the end result will be. Your thoughts and feelings are normal, as I have 3 boys who know mom has cancer and they also know they mom will not be with us down the road, they also know that it is uncurable, but they do not know it could be months or even years, we do not know either.

I am surprised no one has posted anything on your post, I was just browsing through these forums and saw your thread. Keep in mind in my forum i put out the question of I know what a caregiver is thinking and I know what my wife is going through, but do not know what she is really going through, I can only see it through the outside and cannot see her on the inside. I thought I asked a rude question because no one was responding to the question. But I did not realize after someone posted that most of the people on the forum are caregivers and I wanted the answers of Cance Patients. I finally started getting posts and people telling me that it was a terrific question and do not delete it as I was considering it.

Please take this post to heart and say to yourself that your feelings are real and they are normal for a caregiver as I tell my wife that her feelings of what the future holds for her and what she mights miss in the future with the kids are normal feelings also.

Please take care and if you do read this post in the near future, please respond to it or send me a PM.

Peter

Baz10
03-07-2013, 05:22 PM
Phew, I'd treat the results so far as extraordinary, Mike must have the constitution of a elephant to tolerate that chemo regime with so few side effects.
A friend of mine David, had 50 % of his colon removed with mets to liver and spine, however bad the chemo got he apart from 3 weekends only got to the pub for his pints of English beer.
He got knocked back on 2 follow up scans with some shrinkage but also new mets.
Spoke to him last night, he's had his latest scan, liver and spinal mets dissapeared, however was rushed straight in for a colonoscopy where they found 2 more polyps, one cancerous, the other pre cancerous. Both were removed now he's on a new round of chemo just to be safe as his Onc said.
How does he feel "absolutely fine" in fact it is 65th Birthday this week and he's having a big celebratory splash.
His wife has spent nearly a year putting on a. Smiley act to friends and well wisher's yet was tearing herself up every day. She said to myself and another friend Barry she wished they would just stop asking.
Bottom line is any positive news with the big C is god news.
Best wishes to you both
Barry

asabecker
03-16-2013, 07:25 PM
Unknown primary is just so unknown it's really hard for them to know. I think the fact that he has responded so well and is doing so well bodes well for the future. Part of the problem with unknown is it's so hard to find a treatment that works. I think from the point that treatment stops working at all it's usually a few months so until/if ever you get to that point I'd try to just stay as positive as you can. It sounds like your onc went the pessimist route, my brother's went the way too optimistic route so once things got bad it was a surprise because he had been told worse case scenario was a year and stuff didn't get done that needed to. His was 5 months but he was much sicker than your husband from the get go and no treatments worked plus brain involvement. You've got a treatment that works for now and many options to try if that one stops. I think keeping things normal for your son is really helpful for him. My brother's kids are 3 and 5 and they are handling all of this really well for now. Once they were told that Dad wouldn't be able to be cured they did tell just about everyone they encountered I guess to look for reactions. The hospice Dr said it's actually easier for kids under 10 than over 10 for some reason which didn't make sense to us but it does seem to be true. They aren't sad much but do say they miss Dad. Grief counseling was helpful for all the adults in our family because it just doesn't make sense that young healthy parents can get so sick and die. Not that it makes it better but it does help to talk to someone you can be brutally honest with. Everyone but me has also opted to take anti-depressants which they say do take the edge off and they also took anti-anxiety meds for chemo and Dr meetings. Even though you aren't the patient this still affects you totally too and you deserve to be taken care of! Hugs, Ann

BeanDip
03-27-2013, 04:45 AM
I was recently diagnosis with Cancer of Unknown Primary as well. I'm not much younger than your husband at 21. I have no stories of personal inspiration for you but I hope your story will become one for me. You and your husband are in my thoughts and my heart. Stay strong and remember that your husband isn't fighting cancer, cancer is fighting him!