PDA

View Full Version : My sister inlaw



Paulnholly
10-21-2006, 02:10 AM
Our sister inlaw is dying of cancer and she has approx two months left to live. My wife and I don't know what to do for her or what to say to her even. We are not close to her but family wise we still love her and have feelings for her . She has been judgemental of us in our lives and we are good people and that always hurt me and my wife. She was born again many years ago and turned into a religous person and is a bit over the top in her thinking of way people should be in her eyes. Her marriage is a mess and her 3 kids have all sorts of issues with her because of strict guide lines. Through all of this we have tried to be family and get along even though you feel like your walking on eggshells around her. Now she has cancer that is terminal and we want to help but we don't know how to aproach her. We are looking for help from someone that could give us some guidence in dealing with this.
Thank you. Paulnholly

brainman
10-22-2006, 01:51 AM
Our sister inlaw is dying of cancer and she has approx two months left to live. My wife and I don't know what to do for her or what to say to her even. We are not close to her but family wise we still love her and have feelings for her . She has been judgemental of us in our lives and we are good people and that always hurt me and my wife. She was born again many years ago and turned into a religous person and is a bit over the top in her thinking of way people should be in her eyes. Her marriage is a mess and her 3 kids have all sorts of issues with her because of strict guide lines. Through all of this we have tried to be family and get along even though you feel like your walking on eggshells around her. Now she has cancer that is terminal and we want to help but we don't know how to aproach her. We are looking for help from someone that could give us some guidence in dealing with this.
Thank you. Paulnholly

Paulnholly, my family sounds like your sister-in-law. However, I am the one with the cancer. Right now, your sister-in-law needs you more than she might be able to put into words. Do you all get to visit her very often? Do you just call her and say "I was just thinking about you and wanted you to know I love you and am here for you"? I guess what I am saying is that maybe YOU need to build a bridge to her because she might not be able to right now… not just because her religious convictions, but because of her cancer as well. She is facing her mortality right in the face. She might like some company… if not physically then emotionally.

Paulnholly
10-22-2006, 03:20 PM
Brainman, Thank you for the responce. You're right and we need to support her in the llittle time we have left.We need to put the past behind us and ignore the way she is. Last night we were at a birthday party and a cousin said that my brother had overheard my sister in law say nice things about him and she couldn't do things without his help. This is the first time in 20 years that I remember her saying something nice about him. Maybe she is starting to see the real light and that family is important. She hasn't talked to her mother in approx 20 years and she has never let her see her grand children. We hope she finds it in her heart to call her and make amend with her. This always bothered me a so called good christian and devowed person of the bible could act this way. We have a card to send to her and we will cook some food to take over for them. We love to cook and food seems to be a common ground so when we bring the food we can visit with her and offer our support. We hope your family comes around for you. Religon should be about loving everyone and being a good person not casting someone away because they are not the same as you. Love can be a great healer maybe not physically but mentally and I wish you the best for taking time to reply to a total stranger. That tells me alot about you and it means your a good caring person for helping others when you are in need yourself. I hope you feel good about yourself because you deserve it for helping others.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Paulnholly

newcreation
10-22-2006, 05:24 PM
Hi Paulnholly, I am very sorry to hear about your sister in law. My mom has ovarian cancer and I know how helpless you feel in trying to assist a loved one with the situation. I wanted to say that I am a born again believer. i understand your feelings about her behaivior in light of her apparant conversion. I read that out of 100 people, 10% will read the Bible and 90% will read the Christian. seems true. Just wanted you to know, even though a person may surrender their life to Christ for salvation, that doesn't mean that they automatically submit to God for transformation. A person can be born again and walk around with all the same pain and suffering on the inside for their whole life. That may be a reason why some try to "fix" everyone else while they are scared to allow God in to heal their hearts. I write you this because I hope that you can understand the heart behind a hurtful person still hurts. She definitly needs her family right now and I would encourage you to try to be there. God may bring healing through this in relationships that had been injured over the years. I do pray for her physical healing. I also pray for a healed heart. Bless you...