Please help, am I being lied to?
So, my father wasn't around for most of my life. In fact, we haven't really spoken since he stole my $120,000 inheritance and ditched my 97 year old Grama (his mother) with me while he toured the country gambling away all the money. I saw him at my Grandmothers funeral where he apologized and told me that he had been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. He was living on the other side of the country at that time. February of last year, he showed up on my door step with one small suitcase. He told me that he was dying, and he'd rather spend his last days around the only family he has left, me and my 4 children.
My dad is 61, and from last february until this february he has camped out at my house. The only money he recieves is $350 from the government for a half pension because he's not 65 yet. He did nothing that was needed to obtain an Alberta Health Card and did not even see a doctor for that entire year. Finally he started complaining to my friends that I did not get the paperwork for him, and THAT was why he didn't have a doctor yet.
During that year, my "father" has lived off of me and my children. He spends his measly little $350 at the casino every month, and only offers me some financial help IF he wins at the poker table. He has no problem sitting at the poker table for 14 hours, but is "too sick" to take out the garbage, or put a load of dishes in the dishwasher or even to do a load of his own laundry. I am expected to do all the cooking and cleaning and pay all of his bills. He is also a smoker, and if I don't buy his smokes he will just mope around glaring at me like I'm some cold, heartless, B*tch. I am a single mom of FOUR kids, and it has taken every penny I have to support him.
Finally a couple months ago I filled out all the papers for him to get his health card and drove him to the doctor myself. Since then, they have diagnosed him with kidney failure, and he is supposedly starting Dyalisis soon. There is a meeting coming up on Wednesday with his "team" of doctors, and I told him I was planning to attend. Since then he has said many things that could indicate he was lying this whole time about having multiple myeloma. He said the doctors think there's a chance it may not be MM because he is not anemic. He hasn't lost any weight either.
I have talked to many people who tell me he is most likely lying to me about having MM, and I am desperate to know the truth. I cannot afford to keep supporting this man, but he is my father, and I promised my grandmother before she died that I would take care of him should anything happen to him. I don't know what to do right now and I feel like I am being used and lied to.
IF he had MM, wouldn't there be any other symptoms that he would have experienced over the last year? The only medication he has been on is for his blood pressure. I am on the verge of being homeless because I have spent every dime I have taking care of him, and I am desperate to know the truth. Can anyone help me with some information that I could ask the doctor on wednesday so that I can finally find out the truth? I am on the verge of bankruptcy and loosing my home because this has put me in such debt. Please, can anyone here give me some information that could help me? Thank you in advance for your time....
Wow...I'm sorry for what you are going through and the fact that you cant totally trust your dad is making things worse. To me, making a promise to your grandmother doesn't mean you should be lied to and taken advantage of. I'm sure she didn't have that in mind when you told her that. If your dad is lying, then you will have to make a decision as to whether or not your kids should do "without" things because of him. At the very least, IF you are to continue to care for him, he will have to agree with rules of spending money and helping you out. You are NOT a punching bag...and you shouldn't be taken advantage of, escpecially when there are children involved and it affects them. To me, your kids should be the number one priority. This may sound harsh, but his actions are not just affecting you. Even if he isn't lying about the MM, in order for you to help him, he'll still have to help you do that. If it were me, I'd try to get to the bottom of his health issues...then sit him down and lay the ground rules. I wish you luck with this...it wont be an easy thing to deal with either way.
This dark night shall end and the sun will rise again...
- Dad diagnosed in 1992 with primary bladder cancer
- bladder removed and new one made from resected intestine
- chemotherapy regimen started
- mets to large intestines discovered in 1993...more chemo...tumors disappearing
- complained of neck pain Dec 1994. Mets to brainstem confirmed
- passed away Feb 24, 1995
The symptoms are anemia in my case, yes I have lost over 50 lbs in 4 months, I live on blood transfusions most of the time, and with myeloma you have to have CBC every week to determine the platelets. I am starting 5 chemotherapies because they need to be aggressive. It makes me totally ill to even think that this man has manipulated you to this point?! And I think that it is also unfortunate your father is a selfish person, and a huge 'user'. Is he a diabetic? Because that could be most of his problem, he probably knows that? Why are you a enabler? What goes around, comes around, my dear. There are a lot of outside services available for someone who is in need of financial help...your help should come to finding a service that will give him a room and he may apply for food assistance, and qualify. He has not proved himself to be a 'father', he is a sperm donor! Your children should be the most important part of your life, and what they are being exposed to is very unhealthy! Love him at a distant my dear........
take him to the doctor> if he has no ins there are hospitals or clinics that can tell you the truth.
Originally Posted by firenearth