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Thread: Suggestions as your loved one nears the end

  1. #11
    I think that the fact that he is at peace must make it at least a little bit easier for you, but no where near easy enough, I'm sure. He has come a long way since the shock that you described when he was first diagnosed.

    I hope that you and your boys will get through this and that your H remains as comfortable as possible. You know all of you are in my prayers.

    March 21, 2011 - Dad diagnosed. Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma on head of pancreas.
    April 2011 - Gemcitabine and radiation for a total of 12 weeks.
    October 14, 2011 - Successful Whipple procedure. Cancer free! Best 5 months of my life!!!
    March 2, 2012 - CT scan and discovery of possible mets to both lungs.
    March 23, 2012 - Biopsy confirmed recurrence.
    May 2, 2012 - Folfiri regimen started. Stopped after 2 treatments due to infection.
    June 2, 2012 - Switched to Xeloda
    Sept. 21, 2012 - No more chemo...treatment not working anymore. Now we wait and pray.
    October 6, 2012 - My dad is now at peace in Heaven, watching over us until we meet again.

    ♥ Forever in my heart! Miss you every day more than words can say! ♥

  2. #12
    Experienced User
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Two weeks tomorrow that Jon passed away. What has been the most difficult thing to deal with to date is the feeling that I have forgotten an appointment! I spent over one year living my life for doctor appointments and searching the internet for any hope and answers I might find - it's gone. I wake early and bolt up asking myself "what have you forgotten?" There is such a void; a feeling there is something/somewhere that you are forgetting to do and it's almost as if I push the panic button for an instant.

    An unbelievable need for sleep - friends say it's just exhaustion from the past year's schedule but I wonder and hope that I am not hiding from the reality of having lost my best friend.

  3. #13
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Awwww Mary, I pray hard for God to wrap His loving arms around you. Even now I find you so amazing, recognizing the need of keeping an eye on yourself.
    Hugs always

  4. #14
    Holly, I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. I truly wish no one had to go through this, but I do know that when my dad was in hospice care he was happy to be at home and it gave us all great comfort to know that he was there. Even though it was the most difficult time in my life, I have some very treasured memories of those days with my dad. I wish I had some great profound thing to say here but it is still so hard, words sometime escape me. I hope it helps even the smallest bit to know how much people here care.

  5. #15
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Hey Mary, that is so cool that you wrote that all out. It sure would have helped me, I have been winging it on my own, I have done everything on your list. Now all I do is talk and talk and love him up!
    I am sure people will appriciate it, and know how to prepare. So much less stressful when you are prepared.
    Take Care

  6. #16
    Hi Marykins, thanks so much for posting this. It has been helpful. Queensville
    July 22 2011 Hubby (64) Diagnosed PanCan. Sept2011- Feb 2012: Abraxane/Gemcitabine. Feb-May 2012:Gemcitabine only. June-Sept 2012 5FU. Sept 4-no more chemo - Just living life. Multiple stents. Jan 2013/18 month mark. Mets everywhere. Looking for a bumper sticker that says 'Stay at safe distance - Driver suffering caregiver burnout'. Hospice Thurs Feb 28 2013. March 12 2013 he went off to his new adventure where we will one day meet again. It was 20 months from date of diagnosis until now.

  7. #17
    Senior User mydad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Hi Holly,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult journey. I pray that GOD will give you, your boys, and your husband comfort in the days ahead.

    We are all here for you if you need to talk or vent


  8. #18
    Experienced User
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    I believe - they are never far from us - they watch over and take care of us....and here's why. About a month ago I found a problem with weather stripping on our back door. Being a fairly able body woman I never mentioned it to Jon - he certainly had enough on his own plate at the time. I kept forgetting to buy the weather stripping (you know, I am a senior and if it ain't on the LIST when I go to the store, it isn't going to get bought). Well, I had to bring something into our furnace room and when I turned to leave, like a soft leaf, a zip lock bag floated to the floor right in front of my feet. When I picked it up - surreal but there were 3 different kinds of weather stripping in that bag - nothing else, just weather stripping. I had never mentioned to Jon we needed the stripping but he managed to show me that we had some and here's is where you will find it Mary!!! They may have gone to a better place, but they are never far from us.

  9. #19
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Mary, that's so awesome Jon knows you still need his help I have had several similar experiences, and I LOVE that my Mom and Dad still help me out from time to time Hope you are doing well Mary. You are so remarkable. Thanks!! XOXO. Linda

  10. #20
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Sep 2012

    Final gifts

    I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in 1996 after a 6 month battle and my father to multiple myeloma after only a 5 month battle in 2005. I am a survivor of thyroid cancer.

    I learned about a book called Final Gifts, written by two former hospice nurses, Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelly. I didn't have it for the end of my mom's life but did for my dad's. It is an amazingly comforting book as it walks you through all of the final stages of the journey and offers incredible insight into the process of dying. It talks about things that no one tells you, so that when those things happen you are not at all shocked and you know it is part of the process.

    I highly recommend this book - it gave us so much comfort as we traveled my father's final journey.


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