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Thread: Suggestions as your loved one nears the end

  1. #21
    Newbie New User Princessbing1970's Avatar
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    Thank you for posting this! I am in need of any and all advice I can find. We know the most important things are to be with Dad as much as we can, let him do as much as he can, and do whatever we can to ease his pain. It's everything else we don't know that I want to learn....or as much as I can.

    Dad was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago this Thursday with stage 4 PC. He is 71 and doesn't look like there is any way he could have cancer.

    Last Thursday they tried to extract fluid that is built up on his stomach, but there wasn't any, which means the tumor is bigger. He has many in his pancreas, some in his liver and in his upper bowel. I hope they up his chemo dose this week, because of course the goal is to reduce the size and ease his pain....and maybe buy a little time, but there is a part of me that worries he might not do anymore chemo after this. One thing is for sure, it's up to him if he stops and we will respect that if so. We don't want him to suffer and so far, no side effects.

    I fully understand that each situation is different as to how things go in the final stage.

    I am the type of person that wants to educate myself (not obsess though) whenever I can....prepare myself/have a plan.....in stressful situations in life and this sure isn't one of those situations that you can do that with.

    So my brain is trying to still collect info on what I can do, to help Dad when things go down hill. It'd be great if I knew what to expect or "general" what to expect info. Anyway, enough out of me, Thank you for posting this and I am praying for everyone on here, whether they are battling PC or like me, have a loved one with PC.

  2. #22
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    thanks for the book info. got it yesterday on kindle.

  3. #23
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    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to reread now. Love

  4. #24
    Super Moderator Top User DebbieC's Avatar
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    I can remember when this thread was first started, I was afraid that putting it up here as a sticky would cast a negative aura over our forum. But, the truth is that death is a reality when dealing with pancreatic cancer, or any cancer for that matter. I'm happy to read that people have found this helpful and I'm so glad that Marykins took the time to post this.

    I want to remind everyone too that pictures of your loved ones that have passed are allowed and encouraged in the Memorial Wall forum. I look at each and every one. After reading all of your stories, it almost feels like we have all walked on this journey together and that we have come to know the people that have been lost. I think that it is wonderful and moving to see all the beautiful faces of these strong and amazing people. So, if and when you are ready, please share your loved ones with us!

    Deb
    March 21, 2011 - Dad diagnosed. Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma on head of pancreas.
    April 2011 - Gemcitabine and radiation for a total of 12 weeks.
    October 14, 2011 - Successful Whipple procedure. Cancer free! Best 5 months of my life!!!
    March 2, 2012 - CT scan and discovery of possible mets to both lungs.
    March 23, 2012 - Biopsy confirmed recurrence.
    May 2, 2012 - Folfiri regimen started. Stopped after 2 treatments due to infection.
    June 2, 2012 - Switched to Xeloda
    Sept. 21, 2012 - No more chemo...treatment not working anymore. Now we wait and pray.
    October 6, 2012 - My dad is now at peace in Heaven, watching over us until we meet again.

    ♥ Forever in my heart! Miss you every day more than words can say! ♥

  5. #25
    Super Moderator Top User DebbieC's Avatar
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    Helpful article about providing care during the final days, what to expect, and things you can do to provide comfort to your loved one.

    http://www.cancer.net/coping/end-lif...ing-final-days
    March 21, 2011 - Dad diagnosed. Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma on head of pancreas.
    April 2011 - Gemcitabine and radiation for a total of 12 weeks.
    October 14, 2011 - Successful Whipple procedure. Cancer free! Best 5 months of my life!!!
    March 2, 2012 - CT scan and discovery of possible mets to both lungs.
    March 23, 2012 - Biopsy confirmed recurrence.
    May 2, 2012 - Folfiri regimen started. Stopped after 2 treatments due to infection.
    June 2, 2012 - Switched to Xeloda
    Sept. 21, 2012 - No more chemo...treatment not working anymore. Now we wait and pray.
    October 6, 2012 - My dad is now at peace in Heaven, watching over us until we meet again.

    ♥ Forever in my heart! Miss you every day more than words can say! ♥

  6. #26
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    Thank you for your input. It has been 15months now from diagnosis and we are near the end. Sincerely, Teresa,Ester4113

  7. #27
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    Hello everyone, this is Marykins back for visit to this wonderfully informative and supportive forum. I am pleased to see that my initial post has helped some of you. It is nearing 10 months since Jon passed and I must say that, although I miss the guy every single day since he found peace - I find it easier to accept.....I have a feeling that he has found DebbieC dad and is having some great times telling his many interesting stories of his great life. They are looking down on us knowing they were and are loved.

    The most difficult thing has been those times (and they are often) that I just want/need to either ask or to talk with Jon and he is not here. After the want/need has passed I shake my head and tell myself how selfish on my part to want him back knowing that he would be in pain. As the months have stretched on I realize that wanting him is OK and I can't continue to be so hard on myself - I MISS the guy! and that's normal.

    He is here. There have been many little things that I know are Jon taking care of me. I will share one. Weeks before he passed I noticed the weather stripping on the back door was in sad shape. I didn't dare mention this to Jon - he would have tried to fix it; no matter how sick he was. I am an able body woman and knew I could do the job myself. Days after he passed I wanted to get the job done but had forgotten to purchase the weather stripping (getting older now and if it isn't on the "list" when I go to the store it doesn't get purchased!) I was getting ready for the funeral and putting things away in our furnace room...as I was leaving - from the top shelf a zip lock bag floated down and landed at my feet. When I picked the bag up, what did it contain? 3 different kinds of weather stripping! I looked up to the heavens and said, "thank you hon." There are other wonderful things that have happened and they all are so special.

    Love your loved ones every minute of the day. Smile a lot and try to say all those things that have wanted to over the years. If there's someone in the family that your loved one has not communicated with for unknown reasons - give an attempt to bring them together; it will give you so much peace to know that your loved one had a chance to experience 'peace'.

  8. #28
    Top User Queensville's Avatar
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    Oh Marykins,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I love the story of the weatherstripping. I've had many like that too. When I say my prayers I'll let my hubby know that your men are up there too. Maybe they can all meet and have a laugh.

    Queensville
    July 22 2011 Hubby (64) Diagnosed PanCan. Sept2011- Feb 2012: Abraxane/Gemcitabine. Feb-May 2012:Gemcitabine only. June-Sept 2012 5FU. Sept 4-no more chemo - Just living life. Multiple stents. Jan 2013/18 month mark. Mets everywhere. Looking for a bumper sticker that says 'Stay at safe distance - Driver suffering caregiver burnout'. Hospice Thurs Feb 28 2013. March 12 2013 he went off to his new adventure where we will one day meet again. It was 20 months from date of diagnosis until now.

  9. #29
    Top User Carol Wal's Avatar
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    Marykins, thank you for the beautiful story about the weatherstripping I have to believe our loved ones are up in heaven pain free and someday we'll be together again. I like the idea of them being with friends here that have already passed on our forum. Prayers and love to all those who have gone on before us..........carol
    Oct 9,2012 Hubby's ( 65 ) ERCP, Stent put in also told might be cancer
    Oct 23,2012 ( ERCP ) diagnosed. PC on head of pancreas.
    Nov. 5,2012 Whipple at Loma Linda Hosp.... could not be finished due to heart issues
    ( 4 1/2 hours into surgery )told it's also attached to Portal Vein, now only Chemo & Radiation

    1-30-13 Hubby started on his radiation and Pill Chemo ( Xeloda 3200 mg per day ) for six weeks
    3-12-13 ( Bowel blockage) in Hospital Fluid being drained
    4-18-13 New Stent put in metal with mesh
    4-19-13 2nd round of ( Xeloda ) 2 weeks on 1 week off till ? 4000 mg per day for 6 months ( changed to 3000 )
    6-12-13 Large Hernia at surgery site/won't be repaired due to his heart condition also losing toenails ( Xeloda )
    8-9-13 Taken off all Chemo just Living Life now and Keeping him Pain Free "In God's Hands"
    REMISSION NOW PRAYING IT WILL LAST 1-10-14
    3-12-15 Cancer is Back..Now in Hospice 4-10-15
    Passed on to Heaven 4-30-2015 Till you Hold me again...XOXO

  10. #30
    Super Moderator Top User DebbieC's Avatar
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    I love that story, Marykins, and I have noticed some signs that my dad was around. The most recent was when I was outside doing yardwork. My dad was always interested in what I was doing in the garden and to the yard, and it was something that we did together at his house. Well, I was raking and thinking of him and the wind picked up and in that breeze, I smelled him. I stopped and breathed it all in, and I swear to you, I would have thought he was standing right there next to me. He was there. I know a lot of people don't believe in this sort of thing, and that's ok, but I believe with all my heart that they are still around us and they make a point in letting us know by signs like this.

    I told you ladies before, I hope they are up there together having a laugh, too....I just hope they like dirty jokes!
    March 21, 2011 - Dad diagnosed. Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma on head of pancreas.
    April 2011 - Gemcitabine and radiation for a total of 12 weeks.
    October 14, 2011 - Successful Whipple procedure. Cancer free! Best 5 months of my life!!!
    March 2, 2012 - CT scan and discovery of possible mets to both lungs.
    March 23, 2012 - Biopsy confirmed recurrence.
    May 2, 2012 - Folfiri regimen started. Stopped after 2 treatments due to infection.
    June 2, 2012 - Switched to Xeloda
    Sept. 21, 2012 - No more chemo...treatment not working anymore. Now we wait and pray.
    October 6, 2012 - My dad is now at peace in Heaven, watching over us until we meet again.

    ♥ Forever in my heart! Miss you every day more than words can say! ♥

 

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