A website to provide support for people who have or have had any type of cancer, for their caregivers and for their family members.
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 43

Thread: "Negotiating" with Cancer

  1. #21
    Administrator Top User ChemoMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    9,858
    Blog Entries
    2
    Hi

    Don't tell me I can't be angry at a disease.
    I didn't I just pointed out the futility of doing so. Do you get angry every time you get a Cold or Flu ? It all seems pointless to me. But if it makes you feel better to get angry then by all means do so but I cannot see how you can be happy when you are angry.

    If African Americans hadn't been angry at being treated like second class citizens, and having to use "black only" bathrooms, then the civil rights movement would have lost to the idea that how it is is how it should be.
    Umm that's you building a straw man and as such is a logical fallacy. Cancer and civil rights have nothing to do with each other.

    Yes, anger can be and is a good thing
    That's where we disagree. Anger only makes you angry and an angry person is as I pointed out prone to making poor decisions. Look we are all human and anger is innate in us. I would suggest that the strides made in the world are done by determined people, those that have gotten over their anger and replaced it with a determination to right the wrongs of our world. Your AIDS analogy was much better than your civil rights one. I contend that the strides made in understanding AIDS and leading to the treatment of it were not done by angry people but level headed people who were determined to make a difference. Yes I know there were a lot of angry demonstrations in the beginning but I don't think that any of that made a difference. The scientists and movers and shakers that facilitated the successful treatment modalities that we now use against AIDS were thoughtful and compassionate and understood that it was not a 'gay' disease but a sexually transmitted one that put everyone in peril. They were certainly not angry. You cannot even think clearly when angry.

    You are from the Canada. Have you ever been angry at the health system? if not then you are lucky but plenty of people have. All the problems of the health systems in developed countries are caused by budgetary restraints put on it by the amount of money poured into trying to keep people alive when the inevitable outcome is death. Its the same in the Canada as it is in Australia. Both of us are lucky in that we have a comprehensive national health scheme and costs are controlled but we do have those issues of long waiting lists and overworked staff.

    I have cancer. Yes I am in remission but I know it can come back at any time. I have chosen to go for treatment only 1 more time. I do this because statistically it has been shown I have around a 50 50 chance of beating it again. if that doesn't work then I will call it quits, the way I see it is why burden my society with those costs to the detriment of everyone else when the outcome will be death despite any amount of money thrown at it.

    Please understand this is my point of view. It is not those of this forum and its not one I think everyone should follow. Like you I think that whether we continue treatment or not is a truly personal one, all I have done is try to outline my thoughts on this and back up Jody in her stand. I think it is an admirable one.

    Whatever decision anyone takes in this regard is the right one for them.

    Read my rules. Rule number 2 means not giving up on having a good life as much as not giving up living. I am not a quitter just pragmatic about it all.

    Cheers
    Age 62
    Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
    Stage 2a Bulky presentation
    Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
    Officially in remission 9th July 2008
    Remission reconfirmed 1st October 2008
    Remission reconfirmed 17th June 2009
    Remission reconfirmed 7th June 2010
    Remission reconfirmed 6th July 2011

    NED AND DECLARED CURED on the 2/01/2013

    No more scheduled visits to the Prof
    http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620

    Still alive in 2019 !

    RULE NUMBER 1.....Don't Panic
    RULE NUMBER 2..... Don't forget rule Number 1

    Great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

    I may not have gone where I intended to go,
    but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

  2. #22
    Boy oh boy. Good reading. I am going to type this out loud: Lori you are very angry. Not a 'good' or 'bad' thing, but you just are.

    A long time ago I stopped believing in anger. One thing I know to be true in my heart and soul is that anger is a cover up for hurt. Plain and simple. I have had a lot of experience with it. ALL of my bad decisions were made when I was in that angry state. I'm not Mother Theresa but I was about thirty years old when I started teaching myself to recognize when anger reared it’s head. Anger, check. What is really going on? Hurt, check. Breathe, check. Think about it for a minute without reacting, check.

    Did it absolve all my anger? Not by a long shot. I continued to become angry over and over again. My most recent bout with anger was with my mom. We were both angry with each other, off and on for years. Until my diagnosis. We were at a point where we didn’t want to be within a mile of each other. I said I didn’t want to see her. She forced her way in one last time and gave me the opportunity to rebuff her one last time. You all know the story from there.

    I/we made a conscious decision to let it go. Now that’s power! That feels good! No more blame, shame, you should have, if only you had. Suddenly cancer made all that different. Well, then, thank you cancer for pointing that out to me. Clarity in thinking is a great thing. I’ve spent too much of my life in free fall and spinning out of control.

    A lot of things are motivating. Take fear for example. It’s a great motivator. But then fear leaves and something else takes over.

    Acceptance: the act of taking or receiving something offered.

    Whether anyone wants to share this concept with me is up to them or not. I have offered something magnanimous to use. I think I’ll take it and run with it. Go quietly into the night? Not my style. I have been and still am determined, yes determined in my state of health, to not let my legacy be rage, unforgiving, desperate, expecting of others, or less than others, (I am far more important in my mind. And spent enough brain space on my low self esteem.)

    Dying is not preferable to suffering. I choose neither. Mutually exclusive if I am using the term correctly. Zen says, pain is inevitable and suffering is a choice. Death is inevitable.

    I don’t know what I am trying to say. I just don’t like to see you hurting Lori. I want you happy, joyous and free all the time for a long long time.

    Natalie,
    I don’t think it is naÔve to want someone to fight cancer when it comes. It’s a knee jerk reaction when you are told you have it. After all the talking, reading of the findings, my husband said yet again today that I should see another doctor. I put his hand on the very hard knot the size of a small hen egg now. For what? To be told the same thing?
    I did my due diligence when I came down with cancer. Google, forum, emailing and talking to people who have experienced it. I fooled myself into thinking just because it had metted into my lymph system it was no big deal. I figured the chemo would eradicate that too.

    Having been in sales for most of my life I have a love hate relationship with negotiating. It turns my gut inside out thinking about it and then when the game is on I give it all it’s worth. God help the car salesperson who is selling me a car. That’s when negotiating gets fun for me (and ugly for the salesperson.) and my poor husband goes to the car and wishes the guy good luck.

    But that you put it as a process of negotiating, I agree. I had not thought of it that way. But for those of us making the decisions that is exactly what it is.
    Jody
    Last edited by april51; 11-11-2012 at 06:04 PM. Reason: Don't fault me for the car buying thing.
    May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favour. Born 1960. Diagnosed 4/2011 with one tumor, LUL, NSCLC. Tumor size 1.1 inches. Thoracic surgery 6/1/2011. No action taken. Eight weeks of radiation and chemo. Carbo and Taxol. Follow up with four rounds of Carbo and Alimta.
    December 2011 CT scan shows all clear.
    April 2012 CT scan shows all clear. July 2012 had several x-rays taken at the chiropractor for shoulder pain. Took them to the onc and nothing suspicious noted. See them again in Oct.
    October didn't work out. Pain in the left shoulder continued to worsen and lymph nodes in the supraclavical swelled so I called the onc and they bumped the regular scan up to September 19 and we went for the results on the 24th. The tumor is back and the spread is extensive. Option 1: Try targeting chemos that may work and then on to clinical trials. These would give me about a year or so if the cancer responds. Option 2: Do no treatment and let nature take its course. This will give me six months give or take. As good as I feel right now, Iím going for door #2 and will continue to live well and enjoy myself until I donít. Iíll keep you posted. Live it up everyone!

    7 months into hospice and palliative care. It has been a very good relationship with the organization as a whole with a minor glitch. April 2013 spent the night at hospice facility, PICC line inserted for morphine drip. I said I wouldnít but, had a hospital bed delivered. Started 10 rounds of palliative radiation to shrink the neck tumor. Busy month for me!

    I've taken a couple of nasty falls this last week. (first of & mid-May) Right on the cancer shoulder. So I have a life alert necklace on me now. I wish I could get my hands on a small scooter!

    There is another node swelling on the other side of my neck. Still small.

    April51's (Jody) daughter posted that her Mother's journey in this world had ended on July 8th 2013.You touched so very many lives. Soar high Jody!

  3. #23
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    477
    Geeze Louise....

    I think you all misunderstand my use of the first person singular. I was using the collective "I" and "we". You are mistaken if you worry that I run around being deep down angry all the time. I don't. I was simply trying to allow for other methods of coping and objecting to the qualification of anger as something to be avoided or surpressed.

    Anger is not useless, harmful and self-indulgent. It is not hurt, it's beng pissed off.

    I can be angry at something that has absolutely no impact in my daily life (like the suffereing in Darfur), and then I can send my pledge money in. If I wasn't motivated enough by anger to actually do something, I probably wouldn't. I recognize that anger is impotent without action and I do something about it, even if it is about on par with spitting at a fire.

    It's benefits, as recognized and utilized, are enormous and should never be negated by guilt as a knee jerk reaction to "messy" feelings.

    I am pretty sure that there are some angry people here and I wanted to give them a voice, maybe not my place, but I chose to do it anyway. I remember my anger, and how quickly it made me feel guilty.

    I want people to understand that anger is just as natural as fear, only way more useful, and that they shouldn't feel guilty for wanting their loved ones to "fight". They are allowed to be angry, without guilt. It is natural, and it will change over time.

    Having anger is GOOD, not recognizing that you are angry because somehow anger is "bad" is not good. Expressing anger through controlled positive action is GOOD, swallowing that anger and turning it into helplessness and apathy is not good. Understanding why you are angry and seeking a solution is GOOD, feeling guilty and wrong because you want to yell and scream is not good

    Letting go of anger is not an act of surrender, as Jody said, it can be very powerful to act upon your anger by letting it go. You can't let go of what you didn't have, and you can't let go of it without resolving what caused it. This is anger and it is good and it serves a very noble purpose.

    I guess all I am trying to say is that anger gets a bad rap that it doesn't deserve. It is a wonderful, productive, invigorating, protective, human feeling that should be examined and "felt" wit the same dignity we accord peace. Without anger, chanelled as positive action and reaction, change would not be possible. Even negotiation, with the power position of righteous anger, benefits from the motivation it provides.

    Be assured,my friends, that I am not naturally an angry person. Injustice and things that "aren't fair" push my buttons HARD and sometimes there is nothing I can do, not one little thing. Sometimes I have to look really hard for a way to direct tha anger to good purpose, but that search benefits me as a human being, and opens all kinds of doors that I didn't even know were there. Being angry tells me that something is wrong that I need to try to fix. If I bottled up that anger and just told myself to accept and chill, that might be good too, but I prefer to make it count for something.

    Hugs,

    Lori

  4. #24
    A lot to take in there Lori,

    When did "anger" become a bad thing?

    [COLOR="black"]Anger becomes a bad thing when it starts to dominate a persons perceptions and behaviours. Anger is a recognised medical problem that will affect your quality of life and that of the people around you. Anger maims and kills and destroys!! If you can aim that anger at something and achieve a better outcome, then great, but you will pay a price for it. You can achieve much more with determination, passion, and enthusiasm. It's not necessarily anger and hate that inspires researchers, I think it's more "hope"

    My perceptions about the negativity of anger most certainly come from my life experiences and therefore are only my opinions and will be greatly different from those of you who have had different experiences relating to hate and anger. I will attempt to explain why I see it this way by relating 3 incidents from my last 48 hours at work.

    WARNING - THIS IS A LITTLE UNSETTLING, SO USE CAUTION BEFORE DECICING TO READ ON It does not contain any reference to cancer.

    Patient 1. A 32 year old male had a fight with his wife, stormed off in anger, got on his motorcycle and was witnessed to by overtaking dangerously at speeds in excess of 150 kph, loses control around a bend, a car swerves to miss him and runs into a power pole, the cyclist is thrown from the bike and slams into a tree instantly rupturing most of his internal organs. The occupants of the car were a mother and a 4 year old little girl. Result: Angry motorcyclist - deceased. Mother in other car walked away without any physical injuries but will still suffer for the rest of her life. 4 year old child sustained a fractured skull, brain damage and lost an eye.


    Patient 2. Abusive husband punched his pregnant (28 weeks) wife in the stomach repeatedly, the placenta was ruptured and she began to haemorrhage uncontrollably. Urgent lights and sirens run to closest obstetric hospital, litres of IV fluids and managed to get her to hospital with a pulse - barely.
    Result - baby died, emergency hysterectomy.
    Reason given by husband: her fault because he told her not to go out to lunch with her mother and she disobayed him and he got angry.

    Patient 3. Occurred a while ago, but I had to give the statement and a DNA sample while at work yesterday. 84 year old woman raped and beaten to death in her home and then set alight.

    I know that anger doesn't always translate into violence, but I'm sure you can see why i can't see anger as positive. This is just one week at work and I've been doing this for 25 years.

    I admire the hell out of Jody, and others, who can find a place of peace and acceptance, but I question if it "real" or if it is, at it's most basic, another weapon in the fight.

    I don't understand why you question if this is real? Why would it be any less real than your anger and hate?

    If a person will cut off his own arm with a pocket knife to survive, how is it possible to thwart the will to live? Is it really possible to "give" and be okay with it? I can, in no way, have a real grasp of that until and unless I am wearing those shoes, but I can't help but wonder if you ever truly come to terms with death.

    Once again I will have to differ with you here. The person who will cut off their arm to survive is the exception rather than the rule in my experience. The majority of medical emergencies that I attend are preventable by some effort by the sufferers. One of the biggest increases in causes of death and disability in this country is Diabetes. A huge number of the people that I go to are type 2 on insulin due to their lifestyle choices. It is easier in their minds to jab themselves in the stomach a couple of times a day than to get off their butts, do some exercise and control their eating. They could buy themselves another 20 years of quality of life which I'm sure everyone here would jump at in a blink, but no that would involve them puting in some effort. That's what I get angry about. The sheer waste of lives that others would cut off an arm for.

    I once spent 2 hours in the crushed cabin of a car under a semi trailer. At the time I was the only person small enough to crawl into the cabin. The driver was trapped and both of her legs were mostly amputated at the thighs. I managed to crawl in and apply tourniquets to stop the bleeding. The young woman was fully conscious and could see the damage to her legs. She begged me to let her die, she did not want to live crippled and maimed (her words). Believe me when I tell you that was the longest 2 hours of my life. Long story short, a surgeon was helicoptered in and completed the amputations as it was the only way to get her out alive. She was flown to a major surgical hospital and recovered well from her injuries, she was discharged 3 months later following multiple surgeries and intense physical therapy. She was home for 3 days when she took her own life. Bottom line: For some people there are worse things than death.
    For others, we would gladly give our legs for a chance at life.


    I completely don't mean to say that someone should not attempt to find that place of content, I just don't want the others here, who feel differently, to feel somehow "lesser" because they can't.

    Why would you assume that my musings would make others feel "lesser", it could just as equally be said that your anger would make others feel "lesser" if they don't feel angry. I can't quite grasp why you feel threatened by the concept of acceptance.

    Natalie, I understand that you believe you have found a comfortable place, and I love that you wish the same for me. However, please don't be afraid to be angry. It's okay. You won't break, you just bend a bit. It is not a weakness.

    I am most certainly not afraid to be angry, there just is no point to it, no gain in it in this situation. To me personally anger is a weakness, which does break people, family, relationships and lives. I'm not talking about general day to day anger. I'm talking about anger that affects your life and the life of others around you for the long term. I know that if I was carrying around unresolved anger for years after my mums passing, that the sudden impact in my rear end would be my mums ghost giving me s swift kick. She'd be asking what the hell am I doing wasting my life on anger, that she had no choice about giving her life up to cancer, but that I certainly do.

    This place where you are right now is a self-protective construct, and it is good, for now. I am just not sure it is any healthier or reasonable than my "anger". Feelings are never wrong, they just are. Don't be afraid of them.

    You have no reason the believe that where I am is a self-protective construct. Where I am is where I am and is very much who I am.

    Yes feelings are often very wrong. I'm pretty sure that if i said I feel like I want to kill my next door neighbour (ok he was mowing the lawn at some ungodly hour,so may be justified), then that feeling would be wrong. Feelings can be good or bad, contstructive or debilitating, positive or negative and it all depends on the impact they have on you and your life that determines if they are a problem. There is a whole branch of psychiatry (cognitive behavioural therapy) that is dedicated to retraining how people "feel" about things.

    Lori, it's quite amazing how we have such differing attitudes towards cancer. "Defending" my take on it is certainly helping to clarify my thoughts, and that's got to be a good thing.

    Wishing you happiness which ever road you take to get there,

    Hugs,
    Nat.
    Last edited by NatalieC; 11-12-2012 at 12:32 AM. Reason: Typo
    Mum - Age 65
    July 12 - Onset of severe lower back pain and pathological fractures of L3 and L4
    Sep 12 - Multiple admissions for pain
    Oct 12 - Hospital admission and misdiagnosed as Multiple Myeloma then Lymphoma.
    Oct 12 - Bone biopsy and Marrow aspiration confirmed ES-SCLC with bone and lymph mets.
    Nov 12 - Commenced first round of chemo with little side efffect, 6 cycles planned.
    Nov 12 - Radiotherapy x 5 to spine with excellent pain relief results
    Feb 13 - Continues to weaken, not tolerating chemo well. Onc happy with scans.
    Mar 13 - Chemo failed, Rapid deterioration. Hospitalised for 6 weeks for palliative radiation on humerus which fractured, and on skull where tumor pressing on eye causing blindness.
    19 Apr 13 - Awaiting discharge for home palliative care.
    20 Apr 13 - Discharge cancelled due to developing pneumonia
    24 Apr 13 - My dear mum passed away today and is finally at peace.

  5. #25
    Thank goodness,

    I really was worried you were running around all angry, doom and gloom!!!

    I can REALLY REALLY relate to your reactions to injustice (glad we found some common ground). I rarely go out of my way to stand up for myself, but let me witness someone being treated unfairly and step back and watch me explode all over the place.. It usually gets me the required outcome purely because it's unexpected, everyone is so used to me being pretty laid back that when i go off they have no clue how to react other than to do what I want lol. One of my work partners who witness one of my tirades a few years ago was heard to say "wow, I didn't know she could do "scary"" Had him watching his p's and q's for a few weeks and he wasn't even my victim. Sadly the effect wears off.
    Mum - Age 65
    July 12 - Onset of severe lower back pain and pathological fractures of L3 and L4
    Sep 12 - Multiple admissions for pain
    Oct 12 - Hospital admission and misdiagnosed as Multiple Myeloma then Lymphoma.
    Oct 12 - Bone biopsy and Marrow aspiration confirmed ES-SCLC with bone and lymph mets.
    Nov 12 - Commenced first round of chemo with little side efffect, 6 cycles planned.
    Nov 12 - Radiotherapy x 5 to spine with excellent pain relief results
    Feb 13 - Continues to weaken, not tolerating chemo well. Onc happy with scans.
    Mar 13 - Chemo failed, Rapid deterioration. Hospitalised for 6 weeks for palliative radiation on humerus which fractured, and on skull where tumor pressing on eye causing blindness.
    19 Apr 13 - Awaiting discharge for home palliative care.
    20 Apr 13 - Discharge cancelled due to developing pneumonia
    24 Apr 13 - My dear mum passed away today and is finally at peace.

  6. #26
    Well said Natalie and all the rest of you. If I could express myself so eloquintly I would have been an author a long time ago. Jody
    May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favour. Born 1960. Diagnosed 4/2011 with one tumor, LUL, NSCLC. Tumor size 1.1 inches. Thoracic surgery 6/1/2011. No action taken. Eight weeks of radiation and chemo. Carbo and Taxol. Follow up with four rounds of Carbo and Alimta.
    December 2011 CT scan shows all clear.
    April 2012 CT scan shows all clear. July 2012 had several x-rays taken at the chiropractor for shoulder pain. Took them to the onc and nothing suspicious noted. See them again in Oct.
    October didn't work out. Pain in the left shoulder continued to worsen and lymph nodes in the supraclavical swelled so I called the onc and they bumped the regular scan up to September 19 and we went for the results on the 24th. The tumor is back and the spread is extensive. Option 1: Try targeting chemos that may work and then on to clinical trials. These would give me about a year or so if the cancer responds. Option 2: Do no treatment and let nature take its course. This will give me six months give or take. As good as I feel right now, Iím going for door #2 and will continue to live well and enjoy myself until I donít. Iíll keep you posted. Live it up everyone!

    7 months into hospice and palliative care. It has been a very good relationship with the organization as a whole with a minor glitch. April 2013 spent the night at hospice facility, PICC line inserted for morphine drip. I said I wouldnít but, had a hospital bed delivered. Started 10 rounds of palliative radiation to shrink the neck tumor. Busy month for me!

    I've taken a couple of nasty falls this last week. (first of & mid-May) Right on the cancer shoulder. So I have a life alert necklace on me now. I wish I could get my hands on a small scooter!

    There is another node swelling on the other side of my neck. Still small.

    April51's (Jody) daughter posted that her Mother's journey in this world had ended on July 8th 2013.You touched so very many lives. Soar high Jody!

  7. #27
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    11,461
    As Lori too has often pointed out, she isn't a cancer sufferer.

    Perceptions can often be different on each side of the fence.

    I am not saying anyone's feelings are not valid but a carer, commenting negatively on the feelings of a cancer patient about end stage that THEY are dealing with, in the way they wish to do it without the anger, asking if it could be real, is like trying to compare chalk and cheese.

    I feel I am qualified having this opinion as I have been both sides of the fence.

    I am also NOT trying to imply that anyonťs take on things is wrong.
    Just that they can not really be compared.
    Last edited by Didee; 11-12-2012 at 03:32 AM.
    Aussie, age 61
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable.

    SCT Aug 2016

  8. #28
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    477
    I am sorry Didee, if you thought I was being at all negative, most especially about people's feelings. I think I have always, very clearly, been supportive of everyone's right to have whatever feelings they have. Always.

    I was under the impression that this was a discussion of the process of negotiation with cancer in a place where everyone understood that I wouldn't have hung around here for three years because I had no conern for the feelings of others.

    My whole reason for entering this discussion was because, as a former caregiver, and a long time member of this forum, I was caught by the idea of negotiating with a disease. If you can't fight it...how can you negotiate with it. It was a challenge to the idea that true pragmatism, in the face of mortality, is actually possible. A discussion about the role and value of anger as a factor in how we live our lives and how medical research moves forward or stagnates as a a result.

    I have come to realize that this isn't the place for such discussion. Feelings are too raw, perceptions and assumptions are too key in the words one chooses to process and those that simply don't get through. I have said what I meant to say, and I will leave it at that.

    Lori

  9. #29
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    11,461
    I was meaning that our negotiations with cancer are different when either side of the fence.
    Each situation either as a cancer patient or a carer are different and most can not know what it is like on both sides unless they have experienced it.
    Aussie, age 61
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable.

    SCT Aug 2016

  10. #30
    Administrator Top User ChemoMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    9,858
    Blog Entries
    2
    Hi Lori

    I am sorry Didee, if you thought I was being at all negative, most especially about people's feelings. I think I have always, very clearly, been supportive of everyone's right to have whatever feelings they have. Always.
    Damn right Lori and we get it. Nobody is really saying that your anger is not allowed nor are we denying your ability to express it. We just can't really understand how you can remain angry at cancer. I think that a few of us here with cancer explained it already...when you have cancer you cannot afford to get angry, it is a waste of energy and emotion. You need to concentrate and pull yourself together real quick otherwise it's a downhill spiral all the way to the bottom. I have seen anger expressed many times here but from memory only from Carers, most of us with cancer don't have time to get angry we are to busy dealing with shock, depression, fear and hope for the future. because I have seen anger expressed by carers many times i am pretty sure it is a normal response in your situation.

    Everything around you will die. Everyone you know, every living thing you see, will die. Cancer as dreadful as it is has given you a gift and that gift is time. Time to be with your mother, time to comfort her in her last days, time to be with her and share intimate moments that a lot of us never get to do. My Mother died quickly, here one minute gone the next and I was denied any time at all to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. I had nothing to get angry at nothing at all, but if she had died of cancer then probably I too would have been angry like you. Take it as the gift it is and maybe that will help you overcome the anger you are feeling. Death hurts for those that remain as death is final.

    I was under the impression that this was a discussion of the process of negotiation with cancer in a place where everyone understood that I wouldn't have hung around here for three years because I had no conern for the feelings of others.
    No one ever ever thought that of you. You have proven to be a great supportive member on these forums and you have walked with others on the most unforgiving of all the cancer forums that of Lung cancer. The team here have nothing but praise and admiration for the work you have done so please get that thought out of your head quickly.

    My whole reason for entering this discussion was because, as a former caregiver, and a long time member of this forum, I was caught by the idea of negotiating with a disease. If you can't fight it...how can you negotiate with it. It was a challenge to the idea that true pragmatism, in the face of mortality, is actually possible. A discussion about the role and value of anger as a factor in how we live our lives and how medical research moves forward or stagnates as a a result.
    It was a fantastic idea and I reckon it worked exactly as planned. This has been the most thoughtful and thought provoking thread i have read since i arrived here and I commend you for your excellent contributions to it

    I have come to realize that this isn't the place for such discussion. Feelings are too raw, perceptions and assumptions are too key in the words one chooses to process and those that simply don't get through. I have said what I meant to say, and I will leave it at that.
    Well here we disagree. Where else can you have a frank and honest discussion about the feeling of those involved in dealing with cancer than a cancer forum ???

    You did good Lori and you have done us proud.

    Cheers
    Age 62
    Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
    Stage 2a Bulky presentation
    Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
    Officially in remission 9th July 2008
    Remission reconfirmed 1st October 2008
    Remission reconfirmed 17th June 2009
    Remission reconfirmed 7th June 2010
    Remission reconfirmed 6th July 2011

    NED AND DECLARED CURED on the 2/01/2013

    No more scheduled visits to the Prof
    http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620

    Still alive in 2019 !

    RULE NUMBER 1.....Don't Panic
    RULE NUMBER 2..... Don't forget rule Number 1

    Great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

    I may not have gone where I intended to go,
    but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

 

Similar Threads

  1. What is Lung Cancer Stage "4a" and "4b"?
    By Spouse in forum Lung Cancer Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-11-2013, 10:32 AM
  2. "Cancer surgery" for "benign tumor"
    By Bamabelle in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 12-23-2012, 05:13 AM
  3. "Negotiating" with Cancer
    By NatalieC in forum Lung Cancer Forum
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 11-13-2012, 07:30 AM
  4. "Varieties" of Testosterone "Food" for Prostate Cancer
    By sequoiaranger in forum Prostate Cancer Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-24-2011, 03:20 AM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-19-2010, 07:10 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •