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Thread: How did your loved one passed away?

  1. #1
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    How did your loved one passed away?

    Hi everyone.

    My father's death was very painful, and this is something that's been really bothering me. I wonder if any of you has had similar experience, and if it's something that's made the mourning even worse.
    - Dad, 56, diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer August 15, 2012.
    - Dad passed away January 25, 2013 at 2:56 PM.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Top User
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Hi Orly,

    Lets put it this way Orly....my Dad's passing was not gentle and it took me along time to get over the trauma. I was plagued with insomnia for 2 years. I think it delayed and prolonged the grief process. You can read the details in the link below my signature...give yourself time, it will get easier. God bless

    Caregiver to my Dad, who was diagnosed in June 2010 with Stage 1V NSCLC with single met to brain,
    He sadly lost his battle in August 2010 and we miss his smiling Irish blue eyes terribly.
    My Dad's story:

  3. #3
    Hi Orly,

    My husbands passing was completely without pain. He had his full mind until the end. It was peaceful. Queensville
    July 22 2011 Hubby (64) Diagnosed PanCan. Sept2011- Feb 2012: Abraxane/Gemcitabine. Feb-May 2012:Gemcitabine only. June-Sept 2012 5FU. Sept 4-no more chemo - Just living life. Multiple stents. Jan 2013/18 month mark. Mets everywhere. Looking for a bumper sticker that says 'Stay at safe distance - Driver suffering caregiver burnout'. Hospice Thurs Feb 28 2013. March 12 2013 he went off to his new adventure where we will one day meet again. It was 20 months from date of diagnosis until now.

  4. #4
    Orly - he was so young, and it happened so fast - even a peaceful demise would be a shock. If it was painful, all the more reason to be grieving and worrying..perfectly natural...we all want our loved ones to go without pain...if it helps at all, know that in moving on, his pain would be diminished...he's the one at peace ....
    October 21012: Husband age 50 diagnosed with Stage IV pan cancer with mets to liver. 12 treatments of Folfirinox. Chemo break June 2013 - March 2014. Back on Folfirinox for 4 treatments, then cancelled. CT Scan, ultrasound, biopsy only confirm cancer is back but no treatment recommended. Another scan in a week. Radiation:5 treatments in 4 days, stereodatic radiation (aka cyberknife) late July. No effect. September 2 weeks in hosp with blood infection. Oct: 6 chemo (Gem) No effect. November - at home, me at home full time. Slow decline til Nov 20 when admitted to palliative care. Body and mind ravaged by disease, toxins, my beautiful Carlos passed away on Thurs Nov.27 . May he rest in God's gentle hands in eternal comfort.

  5. #5
    Orly~ My mom was not in pain, it was for the most part well controlled. It was still a shock, since her chemo had dramatically shrunk the pancreas tumor and her cancer was deemed stable. Her body, however, was not. To add to that trauma surrounding her death, my mom's closest cousin passed away a week before my mom from lung cancer and my husbands grandma passed away a day and a half before my mom. Grief doesn't have any specifics and I am not sure that anything makes it better or worse, it just is. It is an individual and personal process for everyone and no one can tell you how long the process can take, or what will make it better. You just have to keep finding reasons to get up and move forward. Your dad was a brilliant man and I have no doubt this loss has hit his family and his musical community really hard...not the least of which is you. Be kind to yourself and try to feel positive that you did the best you could for your dad and in the end, you were there! Hugs to you!
    Mom (65) diagnosed with locally advanced adenocarcinoma on May 2012
    First line of 5-fu and radiation for 5 weeks allowed cancer to get slightly worse.
    July 2012 Gemzar and Tarceva started.
    October hospitalized due to ketoacidosis and dehydration
    November scan showed pancreas tumor reduced by 47% and tumor markers coming down.
    March 2013 ct showed cancer stable, but mom repeatedly hospitalized for infections, low sodium, weakness and malnutrition.
    Mom lost her fight on March 18, 2013

  6. #6
    My brother was feeling some pain (not that he would admit to it) but he passed away from an cardiac embolism. He went fast (he was in palliative care at the time) after the embolism. I was on my way driving back so I am not aware if he was in any more pain than usual.

  7. #7
    Regular User
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    My husband

    My husband passed quietly and peacefully, the way he lived his life.
    There were tears coming down his cheeks and little whispers : I love you.
    It does not make it any better the way he passed. We miss him every day, it was so fast from diagnosis to his death. Orly, my children are about your age. Their grief is tremendous. Do something with it. My children volunteer for Citizens for Conservation, their father loved nature.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Top User Hope2012's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    My dad's last week started with extreme pain....which was controlled by morphine but caused him awful hallucinations. Three days before he passed away he slipped into a coma and went in his "sleep".
    This dark night shall end and the sun will rise again...

    - Dad diagnosed in 1992 with primary bladder cancer
    - bladder removed and new one made from resected intestine
    - chemotherapy regimen started
    - mets to large intestines discovered in 1993...more chemo...tumors disappearing
    - complained of neck pain Dec 1994. Mets to brainstem confirmed
    - passed away Feb 24, 1995

  9. #9
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    you are not alone in thinking about this. my dad suffered terminal agitation and thats what i keep thinking about, how he must have felt... knowinghe was dying. his last two nights he spent pumped up witb calming meds and i saw no visible evidence of pain as such... he slept mostly but two hours bef he died he was very agitated and aware it was awful. when nurse came i made her give him max dose and he fell into his sleep straight away and died an hour later, very peacefully.....
    May 2012 - dad jaundice and weight loss, ultrasound sees lesion on pancreas
    Summer 2012 - all tests possible, biopsies inconclusive
    Nov 2012 - sees oncologist, put on gemcetabine - doesn't work
    Dec 2012 - discharged under hospice care... Frail but ok...
    December 2012 - Ascites
    February 2013 - Now very weak.....
    23rd February 2013 - Dad passes away, no more pain.....

  10. #10
    I can't say whether or not the dying process and how it went can prolong your grief. My dad had a dying process of 4 days and went very quickly in the end with no pain, and very little suffering compared to some. Not that it was a cake walk but hearing some things that others went through, I know that my dad was lucky in that way because it could have been a lot worse.

    That is something that I can be thankful for and the image of him suffering is one that I don't have to carry with me. And yes, I think in a sense that would make it worse.

    Regardless, I am sorry that you are still suffering in your own way like you are, Orly. I know that from day one this was so extremely difficult for you and I wish you would visit us more often because we are here to help. Hang in there and I hope that things get easier for you soon.


    March 21, 2011 - Dad diagnosed. Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma on head of pancreas.
    April 2011 - Gemcitabine and radiation for a total of 12 weeks.
    October 14, 2011 - Successful Whipple procedure. Cancer free! Best 5 months of my life!!!
    March 2, 2012 - CT scan and discovery of possible mets to both lungs.
    March 23, 2012 - Biopsy confirmed recurrence.
    May 2, 2012 - Folfiri regimen started. Stopped after 2 treatments due to infection.
    June 2, 2012 - Switched to Xeloda
    Sept. 21, 2012 - No more chemo...treatment not working anymore. Now we wait and pray.
    October 6, 2012 - My dad is now at peace in Heaven, watching over us until we meet again.

    ♥ Forever in my heart! Miss you every day more than words can say! ♥


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