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Thread: Just diagnosed and an emotional mess

  1. #1
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    Just diagnosed and an emotional mess

    I'm new here. I had a biopsy done last week and today I learned I have cervical cancer. I will be seeing an oncologist on monday. I'm an emotional wreck today. I'm 31 years old and was hoping to have a child soon but today I was told this may never happen. I can't believe how everything changed in the course of a day. I've been crying uncontrollably all day. How do I move on from this? I feel ashamed, sad, angry and really scared. How do I overcome these feelings? I won't know how far it's spread until I have a CT scan, which will hopefully happen sooner than later because not knowing is really scary. I've told my husband and immediate family but am too ashamed to tell friends and coworkers. Sorry to ramble- I'm just so lost and have no one to turn to. Could someone please give me any advice?

  2. #2
    I have no experience with your type of cancer but wanted you to know you are not alone here. Why are you ashamed? There is nothing to be shamed of in my opinion. I am so sorry to hear you are upset and crying so much. I do understand that because that's how I was when I found out about my husband's Cancer. Although I am still upset, I have found once your heart and mind accept it it gets a bit easier. The waiting is the hardest I think. I did get some counseling which helped me. Fear of the unknown is powerful. But there are so many wonderful people here that can help. PO guy told me that when you feel you have no more strength you reach down and find some more. He's right. Meanwhile, I send many hugs and consolation at this fearful time in your life. The tears are helping you get the stress out. Your family and friends can be a wonderful support system fir you.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  3. #3
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    Thank you for your reply. I'm very sorry to hear about your husband and wish you both well. I guess the shame stems from a feeling that this type of cancer could have been detected early and prevented had I been responsible and not delayed going to the doctor for years. This is hard to admit to my friends and colleages. I also feel guilt towards my husband. We were married less than a year ago and now I can't give him the things he deserves. Its a new day and another tearful one. I have never been to counseling but am thinking I need it now. My life is starting to feel pointless, as if nothing now matters and my husband would be better off without me. I hate feeling this way. How do I find the strength or motivation to fight when I just want to give up?

  4. #4
    Like POguy told me, you reach way down inside and find the strength. I am concerned that you said you are starting to feel your husband would be better off without you. Is he being supportive? He's probably in shock too. Remember, you are in shock too. If you feel suicidal, please call a suicide prevention line. You have people that love you. Reach out to them. For me, counseling helped a lot. I try to think positively also.
    Like I said, I too was an emotional wreck near a nervous breakdown. Like you, fear of the unknown is a powerful fear of mine. But my husband has a go forward attitude. Routine was very important to him. Chemo broke his routine up for a bit but he tried during the whole time even if it was getting up and watching one TV program then going back to bed.
    Give your heart and mind time to accept this. It may not mean you can't have children. You don't know that yet. The American Cancer Society was of great help to me emotionally. Like people here, they are very kind.
    Do not let people judge you because you did not get checked out. Why even tell them? It really is none of their business. It is a private matter between you and your husband. That is behind you now. Reach out to your support system. Let them see your tears.
    Courage is what it takes now. Day by day. You may feel better when you have more answers. What really matters is that you and your husband have each other with God by your side. I sincerely hope he is being supportive.
    My heart goes out to you. I send many hugs to you and will be checking here to see how you are doing.❤️
    Last edited by Marian333; 08-07-2015 at 03:41 PM.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  5. #5
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    Marian, thank you for your kind words. I hope someday I'll be as strong as you and your husband. My husband is supportive but he is not an emotional person so his reaction is to toughen up. I honestly prefer that than to see him hurting. I went to work this morning and decided I won't share this news with my colleages in order to maintain some normalcy in my life. Its possible that once I start treatment I won't have a choice but to tell my boss and perhaps take time away from work but until then, I'll try my best to hide it. I'm also nowhere near ready to tell my friends. They are pregnant and I don't want to upset them. I won't harm myself but I'm at such a low point that I don't see the point in living. What if I can't be intimate with my husband anymore? What kind of life is that for him? Had I been diagnosed this time last year, I would not have gotten married. I love my husband and believe he deserves better. This thought is what I struggle with the most.
    Thank you for checking in. It means so much. I will look into the American Cancer Society for resources.

  6. #6
    I would not think it would mean no more intimacy, sandy dog. Even if you had a total hysterectomy, like I have, it does not mean no more intimacy. Do you mean your husband has clammed up, just doesn't want to talk about it? My husband is that way about his cancer. He seemed to understand what steps may have to be taken but now is in denial.
    It's clear you need some emotional support. I wish I could be of more help. I got through our only child's five brain surgeries and my husband's chemo with very little emotional support and only our son to help sometimes. It was very difficult and there were many tears. I leaned on God and Jesus. My Bible got me through many a hard day. There was a wonderful pastoral pastor that came to see us during infusions and once at our home. People here were especially supportive and informative.
    Please let us know how you are doing. Perhaps you could sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. You are both hurting, I know.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  7. #7
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    I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you faced with your son, too. I admire your strength and positivity. I hope he is doing ok now?
    I will find out more on Monday but I'm fearful that because this type of cancer is caused by a high risk strain of HPV (transmitted sexually), I'll no longer be able to be intimate with my husband. Because he doesn't express his emotions, it's the one thing that keeps us close.
    You mentioned that your husband is in denial? There are moments I let my mind believe nothing has changed because it's too overwhelming to grieve and feel loss all the time. Do you think this is an ok way to cope? I will inquire about counseling and maybe mood stabilizers on Monday.
    I havent been able to open my Bible since the diagnosis. I feel like God has let me down. I know it's too early to feel this way and He has a plan for me, I just need to believe, but it's hard. What are your favorite passages?
    Thank you for sticking with me. It helps to talk candidly like this and hopefully one of these days, I'll have something positive to share.

  8. #8
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    May I ask if your PAP test was minor abnormal or they just said abnormal? I will have my biopsy done soon. I'm very worried and scary.

  9. #9
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    I can't remember exactly how it was phrased but my results were abnormal and showed AGUS (atypical glandular cells of undetermined significance). I was also very worried for my biopsy but the best thing to do right now is to stay positive because there's a good chance your biopsy results will be fine. When is the colposcopy? If you have any other questions, I'll try my best to answer them and hopefully help ease your mind.

  10. #10
    You are still,living in the limbo of not knowing so many things, sandy, and that's hard on a person. The dr. may tell you you can still be intimate with your husband if protection is used. Perhaps he should be checked also for HPV.
    Moments where you let you believe nothing is wrong is not denial. Denial is where it just doesn't exist at all for you. There are times I believe all will be well but I always know the odds. My husband seemed to accept what has happened but now believes he is cured. He may be, I don't know. The remission period is wonderful yet worrisome to me. My husband is just so glad to be feeling better after chemo. I don't say too much about it. Even my husband knows that the longer he is in remission the more i will settle down.
    God has not let you down, sandy. He can give miracles,yes, but when he doesn't He is always walking beside you...I was angry at him when my son became so ill. But then I realized he was really the only one beside me besides Jesus. I visualize him holding my hands or their arms around me.......because they are. My favorite thing to depend on is the Serenity Prayer.
    I was finally put on an anti-depressant and mild tranquilizer which has helped a bit along with counseling. Still, I must learn to deal with all this in the strongest way I can with God by my side. My son and husband need me. Your husband needs you but you need him too.
    You may feel better after you get more answers. If you get news that upsets you more, give yourself time to accept it and move forward. It's very hard to do but you can do it. You are making right steps toward counseling and maybe mood stabilizers, which would be your decision of course.
    Time is what you need. Do not get your info from the Internet. The American Cancer Society can give you up to date info. People here are very informative also.
    I do hope more people answer you so you can get even more support. But I do check in to see if you have posted. I know you are scared but I do think you need to get as much reliable info on your condition as you can. Even now, I am finding out more positive info on my husband.
    It may help you to journal also or use the blog feature offered on this site. I can see the personal journey I have taken since both my son and husband became ill. I took my IPad with me to dr..and put it only on sound. That way, if I can't remember what the dr. said, I can refer to the recordings. Yes, the dr. knows I do this.
    Now you are in the position of helping another person who has posted a question to you on this thread. She seems to be very upset and afraid also.
    I will continue to check to see your postings. I see strength in you, sandy.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

 

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