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Thread: Time is Precious

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by esk2poo View Post
    So sorry for your loss. You are already trying to forget the suffering and remember the things he loved and the good times. Hope you continue to honor his memory with the good times.
    Allen
    Its what he would want. He was never much of a "dweller"... and preferred to laugh at everything.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  2. #12
    Administrator Top User Kermica's Avatar
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    New York
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    Shaww, I am also sorry for your loss of Reece but have to say I admire the inimitable way in which you are managing. I am sure there is grief and sadness but by focusing on the good shared times you had with him you are healing already. It will take time but you are on the right path. Hang in there.

    Good health,


    kermica
    When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
    ~Author Unknown

    Age 66
    Follicular lymphoma diagnosed August 08, Stage 1
    2 cycles (20 treatments each) localized radiation to tumor sites. Remission confirmed July 09
    Restaged to Stage 3 May 2010
    Recurrence confirmed May 2010 - Watch and Wait commenced - multiple scans with minimal progression.
    Cutaneous Squamous Cell Carcinoma diagnosed September 2012. Mohs surgical excision 09/2012. Successful, clean edges all around.
    Significant progression detected in PET scan - December 2012
    Biopsy to check for transformation 1/18/2013 - negative for that but full of lymphoma, of course.
    July 2013 - Rescan due to progression shows one tumor (among many) very suspect for transformation, another biopsy 8/12/13.
    August 2013 - No evidence of transformation, 6 courses of B+R commence 8/29 due to "extensive, systemic disease".
    February 2014 - Diagnostic PET scan states: Negative PET scan. Previous noted hypermetabolic cervical, axillary, iliac and inguinal lymphadenopathy has resolved. Doctor confirms full remission.
    June 2014 - started 2 year maintenance Rituxan, 1 infusion every 3 months. Doctor confirms lump under right arm are "suspicious" for recurrent disease, deferring scans for now.
    February 2015 - Doc and I agreed to stop R maintenance as it is depressing my immune system too much.
    June 2015 - Confirm that the beast is back by physical exam, will scan in August after esophageal issues settle down so we can get a clear view.
    August 2015 - physical exam in error, PET/CT shows no evidence of disease. Remission continues well into second year!
    December 2015 - Cardiologist tells me I have plaque buildup growing at an alarming rate. Stent or bypass down the road but not yet...
    March 2016 - new tumor below the jaw so remission is over. Back to active surveillance until treatment is needed.
    June 2016 - C/T scan indicates presence of multiple lesions in iliac chain.
    August 2016 - PET/CT shows multiple areas of lymphoma as expected plus new areas of concern in bowel.
    January 2017 - C/T scan shows significant progression in cervical and inguinal lymph chains, largest tumor is impacting hearing, measures 2.1x4.6 cm. 4 to 8 cycles of R-CVP, 1x3weeks to commence 2/6/17.
    April 2017 - Mid treatment scan shows about 1/3 reduction in multiple tumors. Also shows abdominal aortic aneurysm with peripheral thrombus. Cardiologist changed meds, spoke of need for surgical repair down the road.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Kermica View Post
    Shaww, I am also sorry for your loss of Reece but have to say I admire the inimitable way in which you are managing. I am sure there is grief and sadness but by focusing on the good shared times you had with him you are healing already. It will take time but you are on the right path. Hang in there.

    Good health,


    kermica

    I dont know K..... i cant seem to stop crying. Ive told my husband that if it goes on for 3 months he can drop a dime on me to our doctor.... : ( I am very sad.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Top User
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    Hi Shaw,

    So very sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. I know how organized you are but grief is just one of those things that won't fall into our organizational plans......lord knows I tried when I lost my Dad. 3 months is alot to ask for. Time to take care of yourself girl....you've been doing for others for a long time. Congrats on the progress with your MIL

    Irish
    Irish,
    Caregiver to my Dad, who was diagnosed in June 2010 with Stage 1V NSCLC with single met to brain,
    He sadly lost his battle in August 2010 and we miss his smiling Irish blue eyes terribly.
    My Dad's story:
    http://www.cancerforums.net/threads/...th-how-he-died.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by irish View Post
    Hi Shaw,

    So very sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. I know how organized you are but grief is just one of those things that won't fall into our organizational plans......lord knows I tried when I lost my Dad. 3 months is alot to ask for. Time to take care of yourself girl....you've been doing for others for a long time. Congrats on the progress with your MIL

    Irish
    thanks Irish....

    i know what you are saying is right... its the same thing i would tell someone else...

    it is still very difficult... to do it.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  6. #16
    Reese LOVED......cheese. High end expensive cheese... to low end plastic cheese in cellophane squares... if it was cheese, he loved it. He had a tshirt that said "will wok for cheese". It amused him to wear it and it amused me to see him wearing it because it was true!

    Cheese was what made the world go round..... if it had cheese on it, it was good. There was no such thing as a bad vegetable so long as it had cheese sauce one it.

    Salad was just the vehicle to get blue cheese dressing into his mouth. He was happy with lettuce swimming in blue cheese dressing.... and throw a few nice stilton chunks on top for good measure. We would laugh and joke about him just licking the plate clean. We would tell him to just lick the plate off if he wanted too, we didn't mind... and he would never turn down the spoon from the dressing to lick. He never licked the plate.... and never turned down the spoon.

    My convention was the fancy food show... all of the newest latest and greatest products.... it was cheese heaven. Every artisan cheese maker from across the country and around the world...all there wanting you to taste their cheese..... He had never seen anything like it in his life. I had told him about it for years and he was amazed the first time i brought him.... it made him smile.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  7. #17
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
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    NSW Australia
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    I just had Hmade mac cheese with lots sp onions mushies and garlic. Just having the last mouthful now..in his honour.
    Aussie, age 59
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo or hap transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable. All I needed to hear. I am pumped and ready. BRING IT ON

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Didee View Post
    I just had Hmade mac cheese with lots sp onions mushies and garlic. Just having the last mouthful now..in his honour.

    YAY!!.... he loved mac and cheese!!! He love the boxed stuff...and my stuff. It didnt matter to Reese...it was cheese.... lol
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  9. #19
    I have brought him home.


    We had touched on the subject of what his wishes were after he died. His answer was always that he didn't care... he would be dead.

    But i knew, deep down he wanted me to keep his ashes.... the last of him.


    I have put him in his bed for now and glad he is home.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  10. #20
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
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    I love this. So pleased he is home. Maybe a sealed locket for you to wear with some ashes in it? (Yet another son thought)
    Aussie, age 59
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo or hap transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable. All I needed to hear. I am pumped and ready. BRING IT ON

 

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