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Thread: Time is Precious

  1. #1

    Time is Precious

    It is an odd thing.... a memorial. A time dedicated to remember someone that you love who has passed. Memorials, and for that matter burials, are more for the living then the dead themselves.....

    Time is precious i would always tell him.... we should not waste the time we have. It is ONLY time we have.

    I grieve...and feel profoundly sad. I mourn his life lost...and my life without him. He was such a part of me and i of him, it is hard to explain to others. Most people assumed that he was my husband.

    He did not die alone.... i told him i would be there to his last breath...and i was. No one should ever die alone....

    Who knows... maybe i was his wife in another life.


    I need to remember him.... i need to touch the memories of him.... becasue forgetting is the true death.

    He enjoyed being a loner.... a loner who loved being alone with me/us.

    He was the master of his own destiny and a slave to books.

    He loved posting....and arguing his POV in forums.

    He LOVED teasing me for doing stupid dumb things.... and damn it, my husband would laugh too!

    He loved holding kittens.... and he loved his Giz. His Giz misses him but will be well loved as one of the herd

    He loved so many things.... and i need to remember.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  2. #2
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
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    NSW Australia
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    11,348
    Yes you do and time is so precious.
    We are here for you.
    RIP Reece.
    Aussie, age 59
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo or hap transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable. All I needed to hear. I am pumped and ready. BRING IT ON

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Didee View Post
    Yes you do and time is so precious.
    We are here for you.
    RIP Reece.
    we need a thank you button..... It would be easier to just push the thank you button

    thanks hun
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  4. #4
    Administrator Top User lisa1962's Avatar
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    Your writing is both sad and uplifting shaww.

    Along life's journey we meet and love people who make us who we are. The grieving process is hard and no fast forwarding through it. One day theh heartbreak will subside to the point beautiful memories will shine through.

    Reece has a special place in your heart which even death can not take away.

    Lisa

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by lisa1962 View Post
    Your writing is both sad and uplifting shaww.

    Along life's journey we meet and love people who make us who we are. The grieving process is hard and no fast forwarding through it. One day theh heartbreak will subside to the point beautiful memories will shine through.

    Reece has a special place in your heart which even death can not take away.

    Lisa
    Thanks Lisa.... he will always be with me. Always.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  6. #6
    Reese loved food .....and i mean llllooovvveeed it. His love of food played into my quirk ....of loving watching people eat. I felt badly over the years becasue i did put some serious pounds on the man.... but in the end every one of those pounds worked to his favor.....

    You knew when Reese was enjoying something.... it was a visceral communing with the gods kind of experiance.... His eyes would close, a guttural mmmmm would emanate from him...and he would smile.

    One of the things he loved about me was ......gravy and sauce. There was never the need to politely only use a little bit of gravy....saving enough for everyone to have some. It took a while... but he finally understood....he could have as much has his heart desired....becasue there was always more.

    When i make gravy and sauce....i make gravy and sauce. There is always at least a quart and in some cases... i make it by the gallon.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

  7. #7
    Administrator Top User Didee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    NSW Australia
    Posts
    11,348
    Now you will have to eat it and stack on the pounds?
    Aussie, age 59
    1987 CIN 111. Cervix lasered, no further problems.

    Years of pain, bleeding, women's plumbing problems. TV ultrasound, tests, eventual hysterectomy 2007, fibroids in lining of Uterus.

    Dx Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma stage 2B bulky, aggressive Dec/09.
    6 chop14 and Neulasta.
    Clean PET April/10, 18 rads 36gy mop up. All done May 2010
    Iffy scan Nov. 2011. Scan Feb 2012 .still in remission.Still NED Nov 2012.
    Discharged Nov 2014.

    May/2012. U/sound, thyroid scan, FNB. Benign adenoma.

    Relapse Apr 2016. AITL. Some chemos then on to allo or hap transplant. Onc says long remission was good. Still very fixable. All I needed to hear. I am pumped and ready. BRING IT ON

  8. #8
    Moderator Top User esk2poo's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    839
    So sorry for your loss. You are already trying to forget the suffering and remember the things he loved and the good times. Hope you continue to honor his memory with the good times.
    Allen
    Stage 3B Colon cancer 8/23/2011
    Resection 9/15/11
    Folfox starts 10/31/11
    Dehydration,blood clots, numerous hospitalization due to complications
    Gall bladder/ hernia repair, 4/2013
    Melanoma sole of right foot 2010
    Clean scans so far.
    12/14/14 that little puppy in my avatar went to heaven

  9. #9
    Top User
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Lake Jackson, Texas
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    1,491
    shaww, so very sorry for your loss of Reese in your life. The movement of life to memories is grief, which you know so well---may it progress as smoothly as possible.

    Amanda
    Caregiver to son, 32 , 5/18/2011 Stage IV
    Sigmoid colectomy , liver biopsy 5/18/2011
    6cm sigmoid tumor, low grade (well-to-mod. differentiated)
    6 of 33 lymph nodes +
    FOLFOX /Avastin 6/2011-8/2011
    Rt hepatectomy on 9/20/2011---70%
    2012
    FOLFOX /Avastin 4 cycles 1/31 stopped-low platelets
    3/5 CT clear
    4/ PET scan showed peritoneal mets
    4/24 splenic embolization for low platelets
    FOLFIRI/ Avastin 5/12-8/12
    Consult for HIPEC 8/12 denied---tumors too many, possibly in ureter.
    5FU/ Avastin 8/2012-2/2013
    12/5/12 scan tumors stable
    12/12 aranespt
    2013
    3/5 tumor progression in abdomin
    Restart FOLFIRI/ Avastin with lower dose of Irinotecan 3/11-3/25
    nuelasta shots
    ER - bowel obstruction 4/4
    Port removed 4/12
    Port replaced 5/9
    ER 30 hrs
    Erbitux in, Irinotecan lowered 5/20 & 6/17
    9/17scan indicates stable
    9/18-27 & 10/7-11 small bowel obst.
    Erbitux & Irinotecan 11/5, 12/2
    Bowel obst. 12/31
    2014
    1/8 urether stent
    1/17 Hospice
    3/27 started his heavenly journey

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Didee View Post
    Now you will have to eat it and stack on the pounds?
    gads i hope not!!!!

    though i must say... eating right now is not easy. I have no appetite.
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.

 

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