Hi Lois.....
I can identify with your emotions. My husband has Lymphoma and I remember the shock of it. It took a long time to sink in. The first day of chemo was very very hard and I fought back tears all day and the next and the next. We have been married 45 years and, like you, I love my husband so much.
We have ridden a roller coaster, believe me. I tried several forums but here is where I am finally comfortable. They are so good to me. They are kind to me but I have been spanked a few times. lol my husbsnd, son and I slowly built up strength together. My husband had a really tough chemo but he knew he had to take as much as possible to fight this Cancer. His dr. says he's cured because he was in Stage1 almost 2 so it was caught early.
We learned a new normal. Not necessarily one we like a lot. But most of all we have learned hope.
I spent a lot of time learning about his cancer. The chemo nurses became like family. They were just wonderful to us.
Stay away from Google. My insurance and his hospital gave me wonderful literature. Their Pastoral counselor was wonderful. It might help you to ask the hospital if they have counselor you can talk to.
We still have days it's hard. There are days my husband needs to himself. It a real journey. Please feel free to PM me any time.