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Thread: Cancer- the six letter word that changed my life.

  1. #151
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    244
    Hi 'Sea,

    As an after thought; Are you doing Kaplan prep? If you are; there is a Thai place near there that you should try...Lots of hot Currie sauce will brighten your days and you won't have to explain the tears!

    zim

  2. #152
    Hey guys,

    GBMsibling, did the Indian place make you ill cuz of the food or because you had memories of your sister there?

    Zim, I am glad you found the book interesting. I will try to do what you said, lol most of the places where we laughed would be around food while on a date or on a vacation. I don't even go to that side of town because I know our favorite breakfast place and where we had fun painting and all is. But I guess one day I will walk by the street and see if I can smile at the jokes he would say. lol sweet of you to suggest but no I am not in kaplan, im actually studying from home with a online lecture thing since kaplan would be too out of the budget right now.

    My studying, was something I had put aside for a while and now that I am back at it, it has its own fears of will I get residency and will I pass this and if I don't what do I do because I know nothing else and all but I just take it a day at a time.
    Whenever they talk about GBM it stings like no tomorrow and my thoughts drift but soon they will be moving on and i'll have to keep up so i move on.

    I haven't gone to visit his grave in a while, mostly because I want to go early morning or late evening to avoid the heat but that time I have my lecture or something else happens and I do not want the rest of the family to know when i go because they will all come with me to watch out for me but I like to cry alone. I sometimes feel guilty for not visiting enough as if he would think I forgot him, but it's all silly cuz he doesn't "think" at all.
    I heard a sentence that I think is true for me anyway, " when you lose your spouse,you are never not married for a long time, its just you are married to a dead person". I was thinking that's so true because I still feel married and I still feel in a relationship but really its not the case but it doesn't register when we go about our lives. I never thought about it till I heard that sentence. I think that's actually when it hit me that oh, yeah, I am no longer married.

    anyhow, just random thoughts of the day. hope you all are well. my crazy week starts tomorrow and today I will go study some bio-statistics hoping something sticks. have a great week!
    Last edited by seaofgladness; 08-11-2018 at 08:53 PM.
    Hubby with inoperable brainstem glioma. Dx- 8/30/2016. Finished radiation- 10/28/2016. started temodar 5/20/2017- didn't tolerate it. started avastin 6/24/17. Tumor growth (Glioblastoma) avastin stopped 9/22/2017. Hospice started 9/28/2017. Went to heaven- 3/4/2018

  3. #153
    Super Moderator Top User
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    4,887
    I don't know. Either way, I wasn't going back!
    Too bad, too, because they had had a really nice lunch buffet and the nicest staff.
    Good luck with your studying; you've got this...

  4. #154
    Hey Guys

    Been a while since I have checked in, you all feel like family and here I feel safe.
    I have been getting over the flu and now back to studying. Thinking of what all to do for his one year death anniversary. its 6 months away but i already feel the holidays and our birthdays and then march to be a bad time. Any ideas on how to cope with the year f firsts? I finished "Option B", cried through some of the lines/pages in it. I would recommend it for survivors of grief or any great tragedy.

    Wishing you all wellness, and strength and good reports.
    Hubby with inoperable brainstem glioma. Dx- 8/30/2016. Finished radiation- 10/28/2016. started temodar 5/20/2017- didn't tolerate it. started avastin 6/24/17. Tumor growth (Glioblastoma) avastin stopped 9/22/2017. Hospice started 9/28/2017. Went to heaven- 3/4/2018

  5. #155
    Super Moderator Top User
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    4,887
    I find planning some activity that takes you away from home and familiar scenes is best for the difficult dates.

    One year, I actually booked a motel room in a town I'd never been to before and just went there and looked around, read a book, and watched a Big Bang Theory marathon on tv.

  6. #156
    guys I just wanted to put something out there.

    For those of you who are or whose loved one is using an opiate (morphine/fentanyl/meperidine) and have constipation issues that do not resolve with over the counter meds, ask you doctor about methylnaltrexone.

    Just wanted to let you know (yes I am studying about opiates).

    Had a dream about hubz last night, he was leaving the country and wouldnt take me. I kept asking him to not go and to take me as well but he kept insisting on going. We had a baby, he took the baby too. I asked who will be taking care of her and no response. (we had a misscariage) .

    I woke up feeling loss all over again. I should stop watching old videos and watching the eulogy by brother gave at his funeral.

    Hope you all have a healthy and quiet weekend with no bad news.
    Hubby with inoperable brainstem glioma. Dx- 8/30/2016. Finished radiation- 10/28/2016. started temodar 5/20/2017- didn't tolerate it. started avastin 6/24/17. Tumor growth (Glioblastoma) avastin stopped 9/22/2017. Hospice started 9/28/2017. Went to heaven- 3/4/2018

  7. #157
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    244
    Dear ‘Sea’,

    I waited a month to respond to your last post. I’m assuming that GBM is also. But here goes.

    Your pain is still so vividly obvious from your post. You say so much between the lines that I wonder how you can concentrate on your studies. Please HANG IN THERE!! There will be lots of ups and downs and there will be dreams also. Even now, I often wake from a dream of skydiving with my sister and the dreams are so real it’s scary. I’m told that this is a normal reaction to loss, but it does screw up a day or two.

    Please study hard and dream about the help you can provide others in the future. You are on the right track.
    We are here. We care. We worry.
    Regards, zim

  8. #158
    Super Moderator Top User
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    4,887
    That dream seems pretty clear... one day you will follow them. But that day is not yet, and meanwhile you have a life to live, work to do, places to see, people to help, things to learn, experiences to enjoy. I am glad you are studying.

    The priest who conducted my sister's funeral said to me, "Don't dwell on the moment of her death. I meet so many people who do that, especially widows. Don't make that the moment that you think about."

    Whenever I find myself starting to do that, I remember his words and then I think of some other memory instead.

    We should remember their lives, not their deaths.

 

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