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Thread: All good thing come to an end

  1. #1
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    All good thing come to an end

    Hi all. Im sad I am forced to use this forum again but i have a question. Incase of a refresher my father had cancer in the lung and brain. Unfortunately after caring for him this year things have gotten to extensive for myself to care for him, he is no longer able to stand or have control of his bladder and losing control of his arms. As for his mind it is also wandering back alot of years.
    My question is that hes been moved into a hospice and they have decided he needs high care and are keeping him, how long do people usually live in a hospice?
    They have said the cancer is extremely aggressive and my family and myself are struggling due to the rapid nature of his decline. 5 weeks ago he was walking around just fine.
    What are the best coping strategies at this point?
    Thank you all

  2. #2
    Administrator Top User lisa1962's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Good to hear from you but saddened to hear of your dads rapid decline.

    Unfortunately there is no way to predict how long your dads struggles will continue but take comfort in knowing he is in good hands with hospice. They will do their best to keep him comfortable. As far as coping, its so difficult witnessing someone you love slip away. Your caring and love is what is needed right now.

    Please keep us posted and i will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.


  3. #3
    The best thing I did for myself to cope with the stress of it all, is write a letter of everything I would possibly regret not saying in the future. When people pass, everyone has such kind words. I think it's incredibly therapeutic to get these words out before hand to the person.

    I will be donating to our hospice for the rest of my life. I mentioned in the previous post, they are like a well trained pit crew. They've seen it all, and they know what to do, all you have to do is pick up the phone and they show up. Once your father is back to a comfortable state, they leave, and things can go back to "normal". I use quotes because having cancer is walking a new path that's constantly redirecting you. If something else happens later on in the day, they are back to help again. And again. As far as our hospice goes, the family was also considered a patient as well. Your wellness is also included, which is very important. When "that time" for him to graduate comes, they will be there making it completely painless for him, and helping you make any calls or arrangements you'll need. For me, a team of people showed up, and everyone in the family got their own "person". We all transitioned that day, and we're all coached through it. My person was amazing, and exactly the person I needed there with me.

    I learned that hospice is there when your illness is terminal, and treatment is no longer working. There is no time frame. I thought you had to die within 6 months, that it had to be certain, but I was told that's not true, they have frequent flighters, in and out of hospice for years. You never know how cancer is going to act, that's the hard part. You go into hospice so the patient can live life on his terms, not dictated by oncologist. it's not simply a place to die. The nurses do so much more than just help people die.

  4. #4
    I just realized he's in-patient, but same thing goes, I've yet to meet a hospice nurse who does this for the money!


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