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Thread: Sharing good news with recently diagnosed father?

  1. #1
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    Sharing good news with recently diagnosed father?

    I don't know if I should post this here.

    My father in law was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I believe they're planning a whipple but first he's starting six weeks of chemo. He is obviously in a very mixed state emotionally, as he tries to stay brave and positive, with so much fear and uncertainty. And that's just the side he shows us. So I really can't imagine what's really going on.

    Meanwhile, my husband and I just found out we are pregnant. This would be my FiL's second grandchild (his first is also our first) and he is such a doting loving grandpa. It's very early in the pregnancy and we normally wouldn't tell anyone so soon, but:

    We want to know if we should tell him this news now? Would it be uplifting? We worry that it may feel like we are taking the attention away from the serious situation he's in. We don't want to appear like we are shifting the spotlight, so to speak. But otoh: we wonder if having some good news may be good for him to focus on?

    Can someone who has been in his shoes let us know what to do?

    Even typing this out I feel like a jerk.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Top User po18guy's Avatar
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    You are not a jerk, but a loving, caring daughter-in-law. Many in-laws would be willing to pay for that privilege! At some point, your pregnancy will become obvious. This is a tough call, as he will be delighted to hear the news, but information overload can also be avoided. Personally, I would hold off just a bit until he can absorb all that is occurring. Although his tendency may be to despair at this point, a new grandchild presents him with the challenge to fight and be around as the child grows. Watch him and make your disclosure when you think it best.

    And congratulations on the blessing of a new life within you!
    07/08 Age 56 DX 1) Peripheral T-Cell Lymphoma-Not Otherwise Specified. Stage IV-B, >50 tumors, bone marrow involvement.
    08/08-12/08 Four cycles CHOEP14 + four cycles GND (Cyclofosfamide, Doxorubicin, Vincristine, Etoposide, Prednisone & Gemcitabine, Navelbine, Doxil)
    02/09 2) Relapse.
    03/09-06/13 Clinical trial of Romidepsin > long-term study. NED for 64 twenty-eight day cycles, dose tapered.
    07/13 3) Relapse, 4) Suspected Mutation.
    08/13-02/14 Romidepsin increased, stopped for lack of response. Watch & Wait.
    09/14 Relapse/Progression. Visible cervical nodes appear within 4 days of being checked clear.
    10/06/14 One cycle Belinostat. Discontinued to enter second clinical trial.
    10/25/14 Clinical trial of Alisertib/Failed - Progression.
    01/12/15 Belinostat resumed/Failed - Progression. 02/23/15
    02/24/15 Pralatrexate/Failed - Progression. 04/17/15
    04/15 Genomic profiling reveals mutation into PTCL-NOS + AngioImmunoblastic T-Cell Lymphoma. Stage IV-B a second time. Two dozen tumors + small intestine (Ileum) involvement.
    04/22/15 TREC (Bendamustine, Etoposide, Carboplatin). Full response in two cycles. PET/CT both clear. Third cycle followed.
    06/15-07/15 Transplant preparation (X-rays, spinal taps, BMB, blood test, MUGA scan, lung function, CMV screening, C-Diff testing etc. etc. etc.) Intrathecal Methotrexate during spinal tap.
    BMB reveals 5) Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS), a bone marrow cancer.
    07/11-12/15 Cyclofosfamide + Fludarabine conditioning regimen.
    07/16/15 Total Body Irradiation.
    07/17/15 Moderate intensity Haploidentical Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant receiving my son's peripheral blood stem cells.
    07/21-22/15 Triple dose Cyclofosfamide + Mesna, followed by immunosuppressants Tacrolimus and Mycophenolate Mofetil.
    07/23-08/03/15 Marrow producing zero blood cells. Fever. Hospitalized two weeks.
    08/04/15 Engraftment occurs, and blood cells are measureable - released from hospital.
    08/13/15 Day 26 - Marrow is 100% donor cells. Platelets climbing steadily, red cells follow.
    09/21/15 Acute skin GvHD arrives.
    DEXA scan reveals Osteoporosis.
    09/26/-11/03/15 Prednisone to control skin GvHD.
    05/2016 Tacrolimus stopped. Prednisone from 30-90mg daily tried. Sirolimus begun.
    09/16/16 Three skin punch biopsies.
    11/04/16 GvHD clinical trial of Ofatumumab (Arzerra) + Prednisone + Methylprednisolone begun.
    12/16 Type II Diabetes, Hypertension - both treatment-related.
    To date: 18 chemotherapeutic drugs in 9 regimens (4 of them at least twice), 5 salvage regimens, 3 clinical trials, 4 post-transplant immuno-suppressant drugs, the equivalent of 1,000 years of background radiation from scanning from 45+ CT series scans and about 24 PET scans.
    05/17 Extracorporeal Photopheresis (ECP) begun in attempt to control chronic Graft-versus-Host-Disease (cGvHD.
    06/17 Trying various antibiotics in a search for tolerable prophylaxis.

    Believing in the redemptive value of suffering makes all the difference.

 

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