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Thread: I'm so lost

  1. #1
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    I'm so lost

    Hello everyone,

    So I recently got a new job four weeks ago and it was closer to my girlfriends home so I decided to stay there during the week.Well after two weeks of work I just cant stand being yelled at and my girlfriend told me that I should try and go back to my old job as I was less stressed and happier. She is just that kind of a wonderful person.

    Fast forward two weeks and she started complaining of pain in her side and after much begrudgement decided to go to the Dr. Two days ago we come to learn that she has stage 3 cancer. We were both shocked as she is only 32. I don't know what to do besides cry myself to sleep at night and avoid showing my emotions to her so as not to worry her. She is constantly apologizing for nothing and I don't want to leave her as I care deeply for her. I feel so selfish for going back to my old job and going back to my apartment. I hate looking at myself in the mirror honestly. Im so lost and I can't stop crying.

  2. #2
    Moderator Top User jorola's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014

    I am sorry to hear of your girlfriend's diagnosis. First she needs to meet with dr and they need to figure out a treatment plan. Then there are many resources for assistance for care in the home should a person need them. Also are there other friends and family who can help during the week? Caregiving - speaking from experience here - is best done as a team so more the merrier!

    If you are not doing well with this I encourage you to seek counseling. Cancer can have a profound effect on the patient and loved ones. We here know how life changing it can be. If you really want to support her then my advice is to get help for yourself so you can be strong for her. Going back to your old job where you are happier is probably the best thing you can do. Caregiving is emotionally and at times physically draining so if you hate your job it only adds to your plate. My story is not so different from yours. When my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3b lung cancer I lost it - totally. But i knew he needed me so I sought counselling, even ya took some meds to help and came here. This has been a wonderful support resource to me and I would not what to think what it would have been like if I had not found this place.

    Do let us know how the both of you are doing. Come here anytime. We are here to help and support the best we can.

    All the best,
    Wife to husband with squamous lung cancer stage 3 b
    dx - April 20/14
    tx started May 20/14 - radiation and chemo
    June 23 - chemo finished
    July 4 - radiation finished
    July 8 - PET scan shows tumor almost gone, lymph nodes back to normal
    Married July 19/14
    Sept 9/14 - repeat can shows tumor continues to shrink more, no new spots. New coughing and pain due to chest infection or side effect of radiation.
    Sept 19/14 - not infection but pneumonitis, place on dex for 4 weeks
    Oct 22/14 - now off of dex and facing even more symptoms of withdrawal
    Dec 16/14 - pretty much nothing left but a scar
    April 7/15 - ditto scan and screw you stats
    Oct 6/15 - more scarring but still cancer still gone
    Feb 2016 -scan the same
    Aug 2016 - more of the same
    Aug 2017 - and ditto
    Aug 2018 - 4 yrs NED - no evidence of disease
    Aug 2019 - 5 yrs NED and discharged from cancer clinic!!!!!


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