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Thread: Caregiver self care

  1. #1
    Regular User
    Join Date
    Jun 2017

    Caregiver self care

    Hey guys,

    Hope everyone had the merriest Christmas possible filled with love and yummy baked goods.

    Iíve been home from uni full time now since the 18th.. really itís felt like an eternity. Iím on full time mom care now which is an honour but very draining.
    Sheís in her end stages of this terrible battle and becoming more dependent each day. She canít walk without us supporting her, even though she stubbornly insists. She canít change or wash herself etc.
    Again, Iím honoured to be able to help her through these moments. But that being said, Iím absolutely exhausted. The kind of exhausted that no amount of sleep will fix.
    I donít think I know how to care for myself right now because when I do get a moment away from mom, I just want to lay down in the dark. I should be keeping up my gym routine or music or crafting but Iím just so exhausted I canít.
    I donít know if this is part and parcel and just something Iíll have to grit and bear for the time being or if I should be trying harder or what.
    Iíve had a headache for weeks.. and I know that pails in comparison to what my poor mother is going through but all of these feelings combined makes caring for her extremely difficult as well.
    Dad obviously helps too but weíre both drained beyond words at this point.
    Sorry to be whining. Iím just tired and looking for advice.
    Wake up
    Do good

  2. #2
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Hi lunalight,

    Care giving is extremely exhausting beyond words. It's good you have your Dad there to help. My Dad is in similar situation as your Mom. Cant walk, cant bathe, cant go to the bathroom without my assistance, basically cannot do anything, mentally paralyzed. He gets up in the middle of the night multiple times where i need to be alert for him so to watch over him to make sure he doesn't fall, plus assist him to the rest room if needed. I change his diapers, do laundry, you name it, I'm doing it. I also do all his bills, property taxes, income taxes, health care stuff, again i am doing it all.

    Be happy your Dad is with you. I myself have nobody to relive me, not even for 5 minutes. My care giving is a 24/7 job. As his son, i feel obligated to do my best for him until he passes.

    Make sure you sleep. That is key. Also don't forget to eat.

    If you give your mom a shower, tell her to lay down and you take a shower first, then give her a shower right after your done with your shower. This is how you can sneak in some hygiene for yourself. When you eat, she eats. When she sleeps, you should sleep. BUT keep one eye open, or have something to alert you if she pops out of bed. You don't need her to fall and break something. At least how that's how it is by my house.

    Be lucky you have your Dad. I have nobody. Now think how exhausted I am. I'm a 45 yr old guy. You sound like a young women.

    Advice ...is to look into some social services like "Caregiver assistance". It sounds like you may be from the UK. I could be wrong, but look at your city agencies for help like "aging care". If not, contact the place where your mom is being treated and ask them where you can find some care giver assistance. In America, health care is a big big scam. So for me to get some assistance I need to pay BIG Money. I'm talking 60k per year to have someone assist me daily in my home, helping me take care of my Dad. BUT I refuse to pay this. Even if I could afford it, i wouldn't.

    There may be some FREE Care giver assistance for you. You must do research locally. Look for a "Center for the Aging" or something like that.

    Don't forget to breathe.

    Don't forget to take care of your Dad, make sure he is being taking care of. Very important.

    Take aspirin and eat something. Your headache should disappear, .....and don't forget to Sleep.

    I haven't left my house in days. I cannot leave Dad alone and run to the store etc.... I have to ask family members to grab stuff for me. Sometimes they are not available to do so, so i am stuck in my house like a prisoner. It's terrible. But it has to be done.

    I wish you luck.

  3. #3
    Regular User
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Wow, Iím so sorry to hear about your dad and the great amount of weight placed on tire shoulders.
    I feel awful for complaining as I am quite lucky in comparison.
    Mom wanders as well. Night is when she likes to walk for hours and falls are quite a concern.
    My father isnít interested in hiring home care as he doesnít trust strangers coming into our home or caring for mom.
    We are surviving though. I am thankful beyond words that there are two of us to care for her.
    Admittedly the overwhelming feelings passed after a good nap and Iím slightly embarrassed for posting.
    Thank you for your reply, I hope you get some assistance and a break soon. You deserve it.

  4. #4
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Wandering can get her into trouble, sounds like she has dementia/Alzheimer's like my Dad. Make sure locks are on doors, if there is stairs, use something to block the stairs so she cant fall down the stairs. Use motion sensor night lights, when she walks it will light up her path. Check Amazon for Anti-wandering mat. This mat gets placed next to her bed. Once she tries to get out of bed, an alarm goes off. This will alert you that she is wandering. Bed rails are also good to keep them in bed. Wish you luck! Stay strong.

  5. #5
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Very sorry for what you all are going through. Have been there. The one time I broke down during all of that was when someone asked me how the love of my life was doing, a common question, I went through the latest blah blah.......then she said "And how are YOU doing?" I was caught off guard; nobody had ever asked me that..and I just broke down. It was quite a relief to have someone notice or be interested, as nobody seemed to be and I totally got that and didn't disagree with it; the focus was rightfully, obviously, on her, not me. But it is draining, emotionally more than anything. I just felt (still feel) like a selfish #### for ever thinking of myself or thinking anyone else should in such a time. But you kinda have to. The more you ignore yourself, the less effective of a caregiver you will be.

  6. #6
    My husband died January 2. He was 67 years old. I was his caregiver, 68 years old. I had no help except for a bit from my son who was resistant but did try. It was so hard for him he told me once his Father was not his responsibility, he was mine. I looked for help everywhere as I am disabled.
    He was finally admitted to hospice 5 days before he died having been declared terminal only 2 days before that. I took care of him for three years because my love for him and God and Jesus got me through it. I was with him alone when he took his last breath.
    Now, I am trying to find forgiveness for all those just calling now to express their sympathies. I keep asking myself “Where were they when I needed them”? I don’t want to be bitter but I remind myself I am not a perfect person either.
    In my grief, I deal with funeral arrangements. My son a DIL are supposed to go with me. Our son is not doing very well emotionally however.
    I really almost don't know what to do with myself because my life revolved around caring for Al for three years. I miss him with all of my heart. He fought a very hard fight. But I now know to offer help to those going through this. So far, it’s the hardest, most heart breaking thing I have ever done.
    Last edited by Marian333; 01-05-2018 at 12:08 AM.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  7. #7
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Caregiving can be a very rewarding experience, but also a caregiver is susceptible to caregiver stress and burnout. It drains the person, both physically and emotionally.
    Last edited by lisa1962; 09-05-2018 at 02:52 PM. Reason: link removed per forum policy


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