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Thread: Coping!

  1. #1

    Coping!

    Soon it will be two months since we lost Al. It hasn’t been easy but I am trying really hard, staying busy and missing him with all my heart. Handling probate has taken a lot of time and that distracts me. I’ve been cleaning house, cooking, taking care of the dogs.
    Our son is still not doing well with this. His depression is debilitating. He lost his best friend but so did I. I told David I am trying to live my life as happily as I can in honor of Al. Some days are better then others though. I ache to see my sweet Al again and believe I will some day.
    Our son must work this out somehow. His wife tried to help him, I have tried to help him, his dr. and counselor have too. He’s on his meds. But, still, he won’t get out of bed. So, he must come to terms with Al’s death. I know it’s hard. We watch him closely but leave him alone. He’s not working right now which is causing problems between him and his wife.
    I hope he sees that life does go on whether he likes it or not. I pray for him every night.
    And I pray for Al who is in a better place then I am. Love you, honey.❤️
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  2. #2
    Administrator Top User lisa1962's Avatar
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    Thank you for updating us Mariam regarding how you are managing. Yes, one day at a time is all you can do and my hope is sooner rather than later, your Son will be able to come to terms with the loss and understand he has so much to live for. In my experience, the more one pushes the more debilitating the grief. Each one of us grieves in our own way, in our own time.

    You are very strong Mariam and hope each day finds some brightness to your day.

    Lisa

  3. #3
    David has emerged finally. He looks bad but he found a job he likes and started 3 days ago. His wife seems very relieved and I pray this will help my broken hearted son who loved his Father so much.
    Picking up the pieces is not easy. I continue to go to bereavement counseling. It helps a little bit. I sure don’t like being alone though and look forward to when the kids come home from work. One friend calls me twice a day to see if I’m ok and I appreciate it. I am buried in probate and bills but trying to handle them one by one. Yes, anxiety is hard sometimes but I try to beat it down.
    It seems strange to not be helping Al in some way but I know God and he are helping me.
    Life does go on.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  4. #4
    Senior User
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
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    Hi Marian, it's great to hear this update. I hope David and you continue to heal and that the pain of your loss slowly lessens over time. What a wonderful friend you have to call you twice a day. Stay strong and be well.

  5. #5
    Thank you, Sandy. She is a wonderful friend. She seems to know when I’m down. One foot in front of the other. It still hurts so much. It’s like it can’t believe someone as vital as Al is gone. He meant so much to so many. He was such a big man and you knew when Al entered a room. So funny, full of self-confidence, so friendly, such a prankster, picking me up, putting me outside and locking the door. lol Stuffing David in a closet then leaning up against the door. lol We would get him back but it wasn’t easy. It took all three of us to push him in the pool. I would tell him David would need him outside then we would lock HIM out. lol He would want something for Christmas but we would put it in the bathroom sink for when he’d go to shave. lol You could see the disappointment when he didn’t get it when we opened it around the tree but he said nothing. Then he’d come out smiling when he went to shave and there it was. I did that to his Movado Watch. lol Or when David put shaving cream all over his steering wheel. And on and and on and on. Happy memories. �� He knew if he didn’t stop we’d he’d hide his glasses.
    He is just so missed.��We have to remember the happy times.
    Last edited by Marian333; 03-10-2018 at 06:07 AM.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  6. #6
    Moderator Top User
    Join Date
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    1,184
    Hi Marian, adjusting does take for ever and good to see some positive news for David hopefully as he starts adjusting you both will be able to talk about the good times and laugh about the wind ups that obviously were a big part of your family life. I believe strongly in talking and referring to those we love and care for who are no longer with us, so they continue to be a part of our lives.
    NHL DLBC aggressive stage 4B advanced
    diagnosed april 09
    after 8 rchop and a couple of delays, in remission
    some long term side effects to manage post treatment
    some blips and investigations on the journey but now
    22nd oct 2014 discharged no more hospital visits


    we are all on a roller coaster ride, riding blind never knowing where the highs and lows are.

  7. #7
    We have our good days and bad days. I feel blessed my son and his wife live with me for now. Sometimes the memories are hard...his dog and his cat know he’s gone and cling to me. Memories of things he said and did are very difficult. Today has been tough because we spent a lot of time together on the weekends. I see his face, his smile, hear his voice. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem real. But the happy memories sustain me. The hospice bereavement counseling helps a lot. It’s a little harder when I’m alone because I ache to see him and talk to him. I try to stay busy but I will never be the person I once was. Half of me is gone. But I know I will see my big guy again. Day by day.....
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

  8. #8
    Senior User
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    You are moving into a new phase of life Marian. I know it hurts now and it's so good you're in bereavement counseling. Hopefully one day, you will hurt a little less. Could you start a new tradition on weekends? You could start with something small. Maybe an hour of painting or a nice lunch for yourself- something to look forward to.

  9. #9
    Not quite yet. I miss him too much. Weekends are hard. Bu we are trying.
    His fight is over. How brave he was. 47 years of love.

 

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