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Thread: Treatment vs no treatment

  1. #11
    Newbie New User
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    but i do undertsnd that i have no right to discourage any of u guys some of u who have been taking medications and experienced these ur selfs .. forgive me if any of my posts hurt u..iam just very disturbed recently

  2. #12
    Administrator Top User lisa1962's Avatar
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    robert

    I am not sure where you reside but i think talking with a grief counselor might be beneficial. I am also not sure when your Dad past away but it sounds like it was recent.

    Your looking for answers that may never be found. We all deal with such a loss in a unique way. The only thing i can add is cancer, particularly lung cancer has a high mortality rate due to the fact, in most cases, not caught until at an advanced stage. Based on your writing, your Dad was at an incurable point. As previously noted, we have several stsge IV members here whom have benefited from treatment and living life to its fullest. If they did not seek treatment, they would not be here.

    Its a harsh reality to face when our own loved one couldn't fall into that category.

    Anger, resentment, seeking answers are part of the normal process of grieving but one, at some point, must step forward and find their new normal.

    In time, those difficult and probably horrific images will fade. Always there but it's how you deal with them is what matters.

    I have walked the same path as you and now, 5 years later, i cherish my memories of my mother. Not a day goes by that i do not think of her and miss her but she is part of me just like your Dad is part of you. Death can not take that away so seek counsel, take up a hobby, do something to honor your Dad.

    Lisa

  3. #13
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    Thank you lisa .. it was last month i lost him ...exactly a year after he was diagnosed and 2 months after chemo started ... yes he was incurable and doctors had initially avoided chemo...but as treayment started the primary tumour metastised and they started chemo... i read many people having same or even worser experiences and also lot of amazing positive experiences ...and even very aged ones ..this is a powerful forum and it is helping me understand that chemo have saved a lot people aswell and it is advised to even 85++ people so maybe the doctors thought my 71 aged father had a chance to prolong

  4. #14
    I’m sorry for your loss. I too lost a parent to lung cancer after treatment failed. What chemo gave your dad was a chance, not of a cure, but a chance or gaining some quality of life for a little while. I think we tend to forget that the alternative to treatment is also harsh, the person is still going to get sick and be in pain, it’s not like they were going to stay the same. Without treatment, metastasised cancer can take a life within a few short weeks.. The outcome is going to be the same, but at least you were able to support your dad while he fought to have some more time with you. Hope is not a little gift to someone who has advanced cancer. It is hard in the early days of grief to not have anger, you need to be kind to yourself. Your dad and yourself made the decision to have treatment which at least gave him some hope. Chemo doesn’t cause metastasis, and as you stated yourself, it had already metastasised which is why they increased the chemo regime. It is hard looking back and second guessing decisions, but sometimes there is no right or wrong, you just have to go with what is currently available. More and more targeted treatments are becoming available and having success, unfortunately they are not available for all types or stages of cancer yet and so our options are limited to choosing to fight with dangerous chemicals which may give us a chance, or to refuse treatment and let nature take its course probably sooner rather than later. Neither is an attractive route, but there is nothing wrong with choosing to fight so don’t beat yourself up about it. You will never be able to know if it was the right choice, so be kind to yourself, all your decisions, and those of the doctors would have been made in the best interests of your Dad. Seek some council for your grief, I hope you can find some peace.
    Mum - Age 65
    July 12 - Onset of severe lower back pain and pathological fractures of L3 and L4
    Sep 12 - Multiple admissions for pain
    Oct 12 - Hospital admission and misdiagnosed as Multiple Myeloma then Lymphoma.
    Oct 12 - Bone biopsy and Marrow aspiration confirmed ES-SCLC with bone and lymph mets.
    Nov 12 - Commenced first round of chemo with little side efffect, 6 cycles planned.
    Nov 12 - Radiotherapy x 5 to spine with excellent pain relief results
    Feb 13 - Continues to weaken, not tolerating chemo well. Onc happy with scans.
    Mar 13 - Chemo failed, Rapid deterioration. Hospitalised for 6 weeks for palliative radiation on humerus which fractured, and on skull where tumor pressing on eye causing blindness.
    19 Apr 13 - Awaiting discharge for home palliative care.
    20 Apr 13 - Discharge cancelled due to developing pneumonia
    24 Apr 13 - My dear mum passed away today and is finally at peace.

  5. #15
    Super Moderator Top User po18guy's Avatar
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    Robert, my prognosis was poor in 2008. It immediately dropped to extremely poor in early 2009 and that was before a second relapse, a mutation into two cancers, and picking up a third cancer from treatment. No one administers treatment will bad intent. Could there have been a better therapy for your dad? Possibly, but that is water under the bridge now.

    Be thankful that you had a dad. Be thankful for the love he had for you. Neither you nor I is guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. So, what can we do? Be happy with the blessing of each day, as that is all we have. Let yourself be angry, but don't let it define who you are. Dad would not want that! He would want you to become the man that he was - even a better man.

    Rather than looking at the loss of his life, consider everything that you have gained from his presence with you for all those years. No one and nothing can take that away from you.

  6. #16
    Moderator Top User jorola's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    well said po, well said indeed
    Wife to husband with squamous lung cancer stage 3 b
    dx - April 20/14
    tx started May 20/14 - radiation and chemo
    June 23 - chemo finished
    July 4 - radiation finished
    July 8 - PET scan shows tumor almost gone, lymph nodes back to normal
    Married July 19/14
    Sept 9/14 - repeat can shows tumor continues to shrink more, no new spots. New coughing and pain due to chest infection or side effect of radiation.
    Sept 19/14 - not infection but pneumonitis, place on dex for 4 weeks
    Oct 22/14 - now off of dex and facing even more symptoms of withdrawal
    Dec 16/14 - pretty much nothing left but a scar
    April 7/15 - ditto scan and screw you stats
    Oct 6/15 - more scarring but still cancer still gone
    Feb 2016 -scan the same
    Aug 2016 - more of the same
    Aug 2017 - and ditto
    Aug 2018 - 4 yrs NED - no evidence of disease
    Aug 2019 - 5 yrs NED and discharged from cancer clinic!!!!!

 

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