I found your site just by chance. thought I would check it out, thank you for the writings from everyone, knowing that we are not alone even through hard times, is comforting.
my husband has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (B/T cell-Defused Aggressive ) he has been through a bone marrow transplant, using his own stem cells. although it took two years for his platelets and red blood cells to kick back in, he got through it. then he was told through all the other things, he contracted MRSA, but it was treated and he is now, cleared of this.
when he was first treated, he suffered through three heart attacks ( stents were placed for his heart issues) and from the biopsies he suffered a Lung Embolism. after many years of recovering from this, he was in remission for 4 years. then we were told that he had Bladder Cancer. after two treatments ( 6 weeks each treatment/ total of twelve weeks) of BCGs and Interferon, he was told that again he was in remission. although due to all the treatments and Chemo, his Kidneys have been damaged and he ways told he might need Dialysis.
after 6 months of remission for the Bladder Cancer and many testing and surgeries to make sure things were going ok, we found out that, his cancer has gone from the bladder to the left Kidney. he was treated again, with the harder dose of BCGS/Interferon, but it did not touch the Cancer so he now has a large mass on his left kidney, with his right kidney atrophied. a stunt was put into his kidney to go through another dosing of treatments. although they tried everything, he will be now going to have his kidneys removed and placed on dialysis and soon as his Fistula is healed. (surgery for Fistula was just a month ago) they told him that he will be placed on a kidney transplant list as soon as the kidneys are removed, but he would have to be Cancer Free for two years before they would consider the transplant. during this time, my husband suffered a Cerebral Stroke, he has a hard time, hearing, talking and remembering things. although, he is a true trooper, it is hard on him to know he is not the man he once was that he cant do much anymore around the house or even have enough energy to enjoy life, like he use to, but I try to tell him, that he is the same person, and I will always be here for him, we will prevail and get through it all together.
the hardest part, is not being able to do anything for him, just to be here for him and to maintain a support system. making sure he keeps all his appointments and keep the doctors on theirs toes... not to mention, keeping positive and keeping our emotions at a low. some days, it is hard not to think of what might be, if or when that time comes, when they tell us.. they did all they can do. filling in paperwork and getting all the legal things done, to let others know his thoughts of what to do, when that time comes.
My Husband is 52 years old. he has been through the most hardest things in his life and will never let anyone know (but his wife) how he is feeling or doing. he stated he doesn't want to be a burden on his family or friends.. I tell him he is not a burden, I hope that everyone who is going through Cancer, knows that they are not a burden or any problem. You are not. You are not alone, you are loved...

thank you for letting me post my thoughts, somedays I need to let it out. yes, I have an amazing support system here at home with family and friends, but some days, I just need to know, I can go to some other place and let things out... even if there is no remark or response. I am a Cancer Survivor Too, although I dont have cancer anymore, I always worry about it coming back someday and if so, what would my choices be?

just so you know, I might not be here everyday, we have A lot of things going on for the next few months, but.. I will check back from time to time, I totally Respect and Pray for those, who are going through this Horrible Disease. Please, Hang in there, even though it is hard and at times you ask yourself why?, Never Give Up. Enjoy every moment, do it with a smile on your face, even through the tough days.. show Cancer, you are in control.