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Thread: What do you wish you had asked your dying spouse?

  1. #1

    What do you wish you had asked your dying spouse?

    Removed by OP.
    Last edited by HeartBrokenForHim; 10-24-2018 at 09:22 AM.

  2. #2
    Moderator Top User IndyLou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Hello, HeartBroken-

    I'm very sorry to hear the news of your husband. This is a tough time, and I sense that you're trying to deal with the practical side of things--picking his brain for pieces of information that he may have that might make your life a little easier when he's gone.

    Unless you have warranties or other financial obligations where you might lose a significant amount of money, I don't know if I'd spend the time you have with him, talking about the washer and dryer, or who a reputable appliance repair person might be. These are things you can find relatively easily through word of mouth, or through whatever network you have.

    If you're looking to be practical, I would ask him if there are any special passwords on your home computer or device; any passwords on your wifi network, and any passwords on any finance-related website. You might ask him if he borrowed anything from a friend (like a tool or loan) that you'd like to recover--alternatively, you may ask if he has anything that he'd like you to return. You might also ask if he belongs to any group or organization that he'd like you to contact and update them on his status...any organization that would miss him if they don't already know.

    If you're looking to tie things up from a relationship standpoint, and I would certainly consider this to be more important, I would spend more time on this topic. If you feel any remorse, acknowledge whatever you might have done to contribute to your strained marriage. Apologize, if necessary. Share whatever feelings you have for him, and focus on the positives. I think if you don't do this, you'll regret the circumstances much more than if all you discuss are the household appliances.

    I wish you well.
    Age 54 Male
    early Feb, 2013 - Noticed almond-sized lump in shaving area, right side of neck. No other "classic" cancer symptoms
    late Feb, 2013 - Visited PCP for check-up, PCP advised as lymphoma. Did blood work, orders for CT-scan, referred to ENT
    3/7/13 - CT-scan inconclusive, endoscopy negative
    3/9/13 - FNA of neck mass
    3/14/13 - Received dx of squamous-cell carcinoma, unknown primary
    3/25/13 - CT-PET scan reveals no other active tumors
    3/26/13 - work/up for IMRT
    4/1/13 - W1, D1 of weekly cetuximab
    4/8/13 - W1, D1 of IMRT
    5/20/13 - complete 8 week regimen of weekly cetuximab
    5/24/13 - Complete 35-day regimen of daily IMRT
    mid-July 2013 - CT-PET scan reveals no active tumors, but shows necrotic tissue at site of original tumor
    early Sept 2013 - partial neck dissection to remove necrotic tissue. Assay shows no cancer present.
    Spring 2014 - No signs of cancer
    Spring 2015 - NED
    Spring 2016 - NED
    Spring 2017 - NED
    Spring 2018 - NED
    Spring 2019 - NED

  3. #3
    Removed by OP.
    Last edited by HeartBrokenForHim; 10-24-2018 at 09:22 AM.


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