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Thread: My boyfriend was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 3 weeks ago.

  1. #1
    Newbie New User
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
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    1

    My boyfriend was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 3 weeks ago.

    Hi. I'm new here. I am feeling really lost. My boyfriend and I have known each other since 2000, but (long story), our relationship just started last spring. He just moved back home, from another province, in with me, at the beginning of Feb. He got sick right before moving here, and was in hospital for a week, for doctors to run tests, from the day after getting off the plane. It took the doctors some time to diagnose him, but then he was given the verdict: Large diffuse b cell lymphoma.

    Our relationship feels like it's over before it even had a chance to start. He's so .... bewildered? I guess that might be one of the possible right words. I don't really know, because he's the strong silent type, so I have no idea what he's feeling or thinking, other than assuming all the logical things that anyone in this situation would be thinking. I've been told by a few friends who either went through the same cancer or had loved ones go through it, that this is normal: the "chemo brain" and just thinking about whether or not you're going to survive.

    But I'm in a really stressful situation as well. I now have more work, have to support both of us, do all the housework, as well as go to work. I don't know how much he can handle so I feel bad asking him to do things. I feel like I'm going through this with him, but alone. But I also feel like that's selfish because he is the one who has cancer.

    I also don't know how our relationship is going to survive, since we barely talk anymore.

    Any insight, advice, etc would be appreciated.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Moderator Top User
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,324
    Hi and welcome to the site, though sorry you have felt the need to post, your questions and issues are neither new or unusual sadly and its hard to give a straight answer, as you refer to him appearing bewildered, again that's normal for some as they try to come to terms with the diagnosis and the fear it can generate. Men especially can close down, sometimes because they struggle to share their emotions and sometimes because they feel the need to protect their partner and when its a relationship rather than a married couple the third dimension can be if he closes down and blocks you out, he may think he is doing the right thing and giving you a chance to opt out of the relationship by pushing you away, whether thats what he wants or not. So you can see why its not straight forward, the best advice I can offer is if its a relationship you value then explain you are their to support him and help him through this and your ready to talk when he is and stress how important it is you do both talk openly and honestly and that can strengthen the relationship.

    DLBC is a treatable cancer and RCHOP is the standard treatment I was diagnosed with it 10 years ago stage 4b, and am an example of how the disease can be beaten and the is no reason at this stage why he cannot beat it either. The treatment can be hard especially with fatigue but during the early rounds thats not to bad, it tends to become worse as the cycles build so we say its cumulative. I know after the first round I found it easy and the fear of having that first round was much worse than the experience, so doing things and living as normal as you both can is the way forward in my view and he and you will only need to make adjustments as and when any side effects kick in.

    The final bit of advice is if he won't talk to you at present is the anyone he can talk to or does the hospital offer support as it will help him enormously to talk to others who are either going through this or like me have gone through it and know the is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I hope this helps and any questions just ask, You may want to post in the lymphoma group to as you will get more responses there

    good luck
    John
    NHL DLBC aggressive stage 4B advanced
    diagnosed april 09
    after 8 rchop and a couple of delays, in remission
    some long term side effects to manage post treatment
    some blips and investigations on the journey but now
    22nd oct 2014 discharged no more hospital visits


    we are all on a roller coaster ride, riding blind never knowing where the highs and lows are.

 

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